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Bucket List #2 AFSP Out of Darkness Community Walk 2021

I have lost my best friend from high school, first husband, two aunts, one uncle, neighborhood good friend from suicide. When I was 14 years old, I attempted suicide so I have been facing my own mental health for a long time.

I made my bucket lists after I was diagnosed with “Only Weeks to Live” stage IV Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma (DLBCL) Primary non-Hodgkin of Liver in 2017.

Here are my previous blog about Only Weeks to Live:

https://sanaesuzuki.com/2017/06/08/only-weeks-to-live/

And my first bucket lists’ blog:

https://sanaesuzuki.com/2019/03/19/bucket-list/

Since I love to travel and do many things I had many material things in my bucketloads lists in the beginning. I could add spectacular places to visit and many amazing things to do on my bucket lists, but as I was getting well from lymphoma cancer I want to add in my bucket lists that something my inner child wanted to be nurtured.

I put a joining AFSP (American Foundation of Suicide Prevention) to my bucket lists.
I found out that AFSP held the annual “Out of Darkness Community Walk” (about 2~3 miles) in Santa Monica where I live, so I wanted to participate in it in October 2019.
But I broke my knee while hiking in May 2019.
I already had disabled legs from my near-death car accident in 2001 (blog Twenty Years Later from Near-Death) so I was unsure if I would ever join AFSP’s Walk. I could not tell anyone what I wanted to do.
Because of the Pandemic, there was no annual walk in 2020.
I was hoping to walk AFSP’s Walk in 2021.
I went to physical therapy and made time to heal, my knee got more strength than before, I decided to train myself to walk 1~2 miles almost every day with my dogs.

This year, Santa Monica’s “Out of Darkness Community Walk” was last Saturday, October 23rd, 2021. I get a little anxious whenever I go to the first time in any event. I am so glad that Eric and Kai came with me.

It was a cloudy, not warm day, so I ensured I was warm enough but not too hot since I would walk.

Eric and I registered to pick up T-shirts (when you donate $150, you get their T-shirt) and the beads.

There were different colors of beads to wear:
White: Loss of a Child
Red: Loss of a Spouse or Partner
Gold: Loss of a Parent
Orange: Loss of a Sibling
Purple: Loss of a Relatives or Friend
Silver: Loss of a First Responder/Military
Green: Personal Struggle or Attempt
Teal: Supporting Someone who Struggles or has Attempted
Blue: Supporting Suicide Prevention

I got Red, Purple, Green, and Blue, Eric got Purple, Teal, Blue, and Kai got Teal.

I was inspired that many (I think about 500) people were there to support preventing suicide. They raised over $180,000.
Out of the Darkness Community Walk brings people together while raising funds to help fight suicide and support those touched by suicide in the community. Participants in the Out of the Darkness Walk join in the effort with hundreds of thousands of people to raise awareness and funds that allow the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) to invest in new research, create educational programs, advocate for public policy, and support survivors of suicide loss. AFSP has set a goal to reduce the annual suicide rate by 20% by 2025. There is no charge to participate, but donations are welcome.

The event includes speakers, entertainment, remembrance activities, a community resource fair and lottery.

This year, the mountain bike was the first prize in the lottery. The woman with the dog won the mountain bike.

Eric and I donated money this time, but I had no idea what it was about. I hope I spread my words next year, and I want to raise money too.

We stretched out our bodies before the walk. Kai got so excited and jumped up, and many people came to talk to him and took photos with him.

As I started to walk, I did not know how fast I could walk so I thought I should be at the last group, but I felt that I wanted to walk with the front group.
Eric said, “Are you already going?” so I said, “Well, I just go now,” and I did. I did not slow down much and walked all the way.

I talked to one woman walking alone and found out that the woman was a friend of my dog trainer friend who I used to hike with dogs. Well, wearing a mask and hat and not seeing each other for a long time, we could not tell right away we knew each other.
She said she was there for her nephew, who suicide in May this year. In all 500 people, I talked to one person and it was her. I hope to see her and go hiking together again.

After we finished the walk, advocators who were singer-songwriters on the stage. They had all emotionally touched songs from their hearts.

I am happily satisfied that I joined and completed the Community Walk and achieved another bucket list.

Love,

Sanae

Gluten-Free Oil Free Vegan Plant-Based Baked Donuts

Gluten-free and none-fried donuts and vegan plant-based?

Enough to satisfy health-conscious donut lovers.

Autumn and winter’s weather is getting cooler and cold, baking and longer cooking are warm up the house, and the aroma of baking foods and snack help to ground our energy. Instead of going out like summertime, we stay home and read, write or create inside at home is a natural universal order. Restful activities support our health for next spring.

The original recipe of Gluten-Free Baked Donuts is on Eric’s revised dessert cookbook “Love, Eric,” none-fried donut, but it has a little oil in the ingredients.

If you are interested Eric’s desserts cookbook, you can purchase from my website https://sanaesuzuki.com/product/love-eric-revised/

Gluten-Free and None-Fried Vegan Donuts Original with oil

Make 12 donuts

For the donuts:

3⁄4 cup gluten-free flour mix

1⁄2 cup almond flour

1⁄4 cup arrowroot powder

1 1⁄2 teaspoons baking powder

1⁄2 teaspoon xanthan gum

1⁄4 teaspoon sea salt

1⁄8 teaspoon baking soda

1 tablespoon fresh rosemary, chopped

1⁄3 cup maple syrup

1⁄3 olive oil

juice from one lemon

zest from one lemon

1⁄2 cup hot water

For the toppings:

1/2 cup almonds, pistachios, walnuts, pecans or any other nut of your choice

olive oil for brushing donut tops

To make the donuts:

1. Combine the flours, arrowroot powder, baking powder, xantham gum, salt, baking soda and rosemary in a bowl and set aside.

2. In another bowl, mix the wet ingredients until creamy.

3. Pour the wet ingredients into the dry mix, add the lemon zest and stir until the mixture is slightly lumpy.

4. Using a 2-ounce ice cream scoop, pour the batter into a donut pan and bake at 350°F until golden brown, about 16 minutes.

To make the topping:

1. Place finely chopped nuts on a plate.

2. Brush the tops of each donut with olive oil and sprinkle with chopped nuts.

Recently, Eric created gluten-free and oil free baked donuts recipe for Chef AJ’s youtube show. It will be on Saturday, November 14th, 2021, at 11 am by Zoom. You can see it on her Facebook too.

Now it is on YouTube.

Gluten-Free Oil-Free Vegan Baked Donuts

MAKES 12 DONUTS

For the donuts:

3⁄4 cup gluten-free flour mix

1⁄2 cup almond flour

1⁄4 cup arrowroot powder

1⁄2 teaspoons baking powder

1⁄2 teaspoon xanthan gum

1⁄4 teaspoon sea salt

1⁄8 teaspoon baking soda

1⁄3 cup maple syrup

1⁄3 coconut yogurt

1⁄2 cup purified hot water

For the toppings:

1 tablespoon kuzu (also known as kudzu medicinal starch)

½ cup purified water

½ cup strawberry jam or maple butter

To make the donuts:

1. Combine the flours, arrowroot powder, baking powder, xantham gum, salt, baking soda in a bowl and set aside.

2. In another bowl, mix the wet ingredients until creamy.

3. Pour the wet ingredients into the dry mix and stir until the mixture is slightly lumpy.

4. Using a 2-ounce ice cream scoop, pour the batter into a donut pan and bake at 350°F until golden brown, about 16 minutes.

To make the topping:

1. Mix the kuzu and water in a pan, bring to medium heat and frequently mix until clear and thicken. Add the jam or maple butter and mix again.

2. Top each donut of jam with a spoon.

I enjoy my baked donut with my roasted brown rice twig tea or grain coffee.

Enjoy your delicious baked donuts!

Love,

Sanae

Twenty Years Later from Near-Death　Part 1

Things I used enjoyed when I was in the ’30s to ’40s were driving, traveling, adventure, yoga, scooter, sobriety (AA volunteer), events/concerts, macrobiotic teaching, meeting people, animal family, going to beaches, hiking, gardening, photography, writing, and a little meditation and art.

These are some of the things I did:

I loved driving so much that sometimes when I could not sleep, I drove to San Deigo at 3 am, saw the beautiful sunrise there, had a great breakfast, and came back home to Santa Monica.

34th birthday, first sky diving.

I did many scuba diving in Caribean (Cayman Island, Jamaica, Puerto Rico, St. Lucia, Turks and Caicos, and the Dominican Republic) and 40th birthday, travel to Tahiti for shark scuba diving.

Went to Alaska, Panama, Costa Rica, Mexico, Canada, Bali, and, of course many different places in my country, Japan.

I usually liked to travel solo.

The last extensive traveling I did on my own was six weeks in Europe (seven different countries; France, Italy, Swiss, Netherland, Germany, Belgium, and the UK), cooking, assists cooking classes, and massaging people at macrobiotic communities.

Two different cross-country drives with my dogs and cat in America.

My plan for the future was to go to many countries, including the Maldives, for scuba diving and do movie “Roman Holidays” like Audrey Hepburn.

Visit South America, Rio, Pelu, and practice meditation and yoga in India and many more.

But God had a different plan for me.

I lost mobility to walk on September 8th, 2001, because of a near-death car accident in a small village, Hope, Arizona, when I was cross-country drive with my three dogs and one cat, and I was supposed to come home Santa Monica that day.

It is still very emotional to remember.

I could not write much about it, but it is twenty years today.

I want to write a little by little as a tribute to my recovery.

As you see this photo, I am walking and grateful for my healing path.

I was airlifted by a helicopter to The Trauma Center hospital in Phoenix, Arizona.

I was in a coma for three days.

I did not even know the September 11 attacks (the 9/11 Memorial is a tribute of remembrance, honoring the 2,977 people killed in the terror attacks).

I had an out-of-body experience.

I saw my father, who died in 1989 and my first dog in America Sakura in 1998. My father wanted to have tea with me, but I said to him I am in a hurry so next time. Sakura was happy to see me, but I had to tell her that I love her and am glad to see her, but I have to go. I was trying to come back from the heaven’s gate to this world.

My heart stopped many times and one time was 12 minutes.

Regular cardio electric resuscitation did not work and there were two pastors at my ICU room and told Eric to pray when he arrived.

One of the doctors, Dr. Toby Hamilton, used (an adrenaline) needle into my heart to restart my heart.

Miraculously I came back to live again.

An American movie “Pope Fiction” scene of Uma Thurman came back to revive after she overdosed was used the same resuscitation.

I want to say that out of the body and revive to come back again experiences were spiritual for me, but it was not.

I felt that it was an energy boost into the body I left, and I came back into the body as an almost extreme shock.

When I watched the computer animation movie, “Iced Age,” squirrel of Scrat every time he looked like he died, but he came back, that energy was the similar feelings that I felt, and I cried.

In reality, when I came back, I could not speak since I was connected with a tube from my lungs to my throat.

My lungs and heart were crushed by the car accident.

But I was demanded to move my bed closer to a window in ICU so I get to see and feel the sunlight to get better as soon as I could write.

I also wrote Eric to go to a natural food store to buy Bach Rescue Remedy/Cream and Laver essential oil and what to do in writing as soon as I was able to write.

I applied them and also massage whatever area I did not feel too much pain.

The surgent doctor who proceeded with my legs surgery said to me, “I never walk,” and did not recommend me to massage my legs or anywhere because I had nerve damage.

I should have been shocked to hear what the doctor said, but I did not feel what he said was correct, although I respected his opinion because I am very polite Japanese, and I did not ask him many questions.

I simply do not believe that I will be a disabled person or not walk forever. I was thinking of something else already to plan my life.

Of course, I did not think how hard my recovery would be, and I did not know how long it would take me to walk that time.

I already thought when I walk what I can do.

I was massaging as much as I could.

Dr. Hamilton from ER came by to see me.

He said I looked much better every day and encouraged me to do whatever I was doing.

At this point, he never told me how he saved me.

Now I think of where I was at that time, I do not think I could deal with all the things I had to go through.

I was getting ready to be a start line of my recovery journey.

I was not even started yet.

I had to go through hard things in my life, but this was one of the hardest things I experienced in my life.

I lost my vision, screamed and cried so hard when I heard my two dogs, Lolo and Gumu died in the car accident. A nurse came to my room to check if something happened to me.

I said, why didn’t I dye with them?

I killed them!!!!!!

I am sorry!!!!!

I repeated the same things over and over.

I calmed down when I hard, Lolo and Gumu’s mother Kin survived with my cat, Mai and they were at a shelter waiting to be home. I set my mind optimistic and decided to live for them.

I also heard my wallet was stolen when I was airlifted, and someone was using my credit card. All my earrings, necklace, and bracelet that my father gave me were also stolen.

Every day and night at The Trauma Center hospital was chaotic.

They came to dress gaze over my surgery legs in the middle of the night and left me unfinished because of an emergency. One time, they left my leg open-wound for 3 hours.

I requested to wash my hair after I was there for two weeks. Yes, they came to wash my hair at 3 am.

They told me I had to leave the hospital because I did not have insurance. To come home to Santa Monica, they said to me that I had to be airlifted. Do you know how much money you have to spend to do something like that? They said it is not safe for me to transfer by car.

Did I have a choice? NO!

Eric rented a van to make a bed, put my body with many cushions, and drive carefully and slowly to Santa Monica. Friends were waiting for me and use a door as a tanker to move me into the house.

There was no FaceBook, Instagram and Youtube yet. If I had then, I probably had a million hits, hahaha!

When I came back home to Santa Monica, I smelled my trees, plants and flowers. They all said, “Welcome back! Thank you for coming back home! “

When I saw Kin and Mai, who also survived for the same car accident and came back from Arizona, I was speechless with my emotions. We hug each other.

I did not know yet about Kin, Mai, and my PTSD starting from here.

To be continued….

Healing Balance in Season – Late Summer

The common season we usually know is four seasons.
I have been practicing “The Five Element” theory of five seasons since 1993.

Spring – Wood

Summer – Fire

Late summer – Earth/Soil

Autumn – Metal

Winter – Water

as the principal elements of the material world.

Each season has a different balance of our health with foods, ways of cooking, and lifestyles.

Quick examples:

Summer is a hot season, and you eat cooling food with quick-cooking.

Lifestyle is active. Wear light material clothes and open the window. Use fun or AC to cool down.

Winter is a cold season, and you eat warm food with longer cooking, presser cooking, stewing and baking.

Lifestyle is time to slow down, wear warmer and thicker material clothes, close the window. Use a fireplace or heater to heat our house.

I live in Santa Monica, California – the northern temperate zone is in late summer season right now. Late Summer begins around the third week of August and runs through the Fall Equinox, which is late September.

Do you know what to eat for late summer?

According to the five elements, it is Earth/Soil season.

Late summer is around 3 pm of the day when we take a little rest to have tea and something naturally sweet.

For whole grains, sweet rice, millet is supporting us in late summer – earth/soil energy organs of spleen/pancreas and stomach. And round vegetables (cabbage, kabocha squash, cauliflower, etc.) are recommended to eat.

One of my self-published cookbooks, “Love, Sanae” has more details on what foods support each season, not just grains and vegetables, page 88~91. I hope you check them up!

I want to share late summer season balanced whole grain millet recipes today.

Millet is rich in plant-based protein, whole grain and fiber, nutritious, non-glutinous (non-sticky), and not acid-forming foods, thus making them very easy to digest when you learn how to cook.

Millet supports pancreas and spleen organs which need to focus in late summer.

I showed how to cook millet in my cooking classes every late summer:

Millet and Kabocha Squash with Roasted Pumpkin Seed

MAKES 4 SERVINGS

1cup millet

4 cups purified water

1 cup kabocha squash, cut into about 1” dice

1 “ kombu kelp

1/2 cup roasted pumpkin seeds

1. Wash millet:

1) Place a strainer into a larger bowl and fill it with purified water. Wash millet gently, stirring with your hand in a counter-clockwise direction when you want to be more energetic or in a clockwise direction when you want to be more relaxed.

2) Drain the water (reserving it to water your plant later) and repeat the washing step three times or until the water is almost clear.

3) Strain the millet and cook as it is or soak or roast, depending on your health condition.

2. Place 4 cups water in the large pan and bring to boil. Add millet and Kombu kelp. Reduce heat to low and add Kabocha squash and cover and simmer for 30 minutes.

3. Meanwhile, rinse the pumpkins seeds and strain them, and roast on a skillet.

4. When millet and kabocha are done, remove from the flame and allow to sit another 5~10 minutes.

5. Take the cover of millet and kabocha. Use wood rice paddle or spoon that has moistened in water to prevent sticking, stir gentle from outside.

6. Serve with the roasted pampering seeds.

7. Itadakimasu (bonappetit)!

Here is youtube link how to make “Millet and Kabocha with Roasted Pumpkin Seed”,

Creamy Millet with Fresh Parsley Sauce

MAKES 4 SERVINGS

1 cup millet

5 cups purified water

pinch sea salt

Fresh Parsley Sauce

To make the millet:

1. Wash millet:

2) Drain the water (reserving it to water your plant later) and repeat the washing step 3 times or until the water is almost clear.

3) Strain the millet and cook as it is or soak or roast, depending on your health condition.

2.In a large saucepan, bring the water to a boil. Add millet and sea salt. Reduce heat to low, cover and simmer for 30 minutes.

3. Remove from the flame and all pan to site undisturbed for another 5 to 10 minutes before you remove the cover.

4. Serve with Fresh Parsley Sauce.

5. Itadakimasu (bonappetit)!

For the parsley sauce:

2 table spoons kuzu*

1 cup purified water

1/4 cup parsley, finely chopped and squeezed of excess water

sea salt

To make the parsley sauce:

In a small saucepan, combine the kuzu and water/ Stir well until kuzu is completely dissolved.
Place the saucepan over a medium flame, bring the mixture to a boil, stirring constantly. Cook for about 1 to 2 minutes.
Add the chopped parsley and cook for another minute.
Serve over the Creamy Millet.

*Kuzu (kudzu)-A white starchlike extract made from the wild root of kuzu vine; used for thickening soups, beverages, desserts and sauce. Also used for medicinal purposes.

One of my self-published cookbooks, “Love, Sanae” has more millet recipes and also shows what kind of whole grains, vegetables, beans, sea vegetables, cooking style and many more for each season.

If you want to purchase my book from me directly, please email me at sanaehealing@gmail.com

After surviving two different cancers and a near-death car accident, healing balance is vital to know.

Knowing what foods support us each season takes time to learn.

I also realized our health has seasons. Finding out which season your health is in is critical—and understanding what and how to apply your health seasons is the key to heal yourself.

I hope to share what I have learned from my experiences with you when the time is right.

Love,

Sanae ❤️

Bach Flower Remedy for People and Animal Grieving

It has been two weeks since Bubu, our beloved dog, departed. I wrote Bubu’s last words and how he departed on my previous blog. https://sanaesuzuki.com/2021/06/02/animal-communication-bubus-last-words/

I have had many dogs and cats as my family this lifetime. It is harrowing when they depart and I grieve.

As I wrote about Bubu’s aunt, Kula’s life on my blogs many times (https://sanaesuzuki.com/category/kulas-healing-journey/), I want to write about Bubu as much as I can. I feel that Bubu is giving me this as an opportunity to share.

Today, I feel so so. Probably better than two weeks ago.

I miss Bubu and feel an emptiness in my heart not seeing him or touching him physically.

I feel his existence in my heart when I go deeper in my heart so I need to be dive into my heart.

For the first ten days, I got up in the morning and cared for his dog and cat family. It was mechanical action as I had to do it.

I was feeling too sad. I decided not to attend zoom art classes. I am not in the mood to seeing people and hearing their voices, even online.

All I wanted to do was two things.

One – taking a walk with Bubu’s dog family where I used to walk with Bubu and talked to them every morning, and sometimes I cried while I was walking.

Two- gardening. Stay in my garden, watch the sky, sun, moon, birds, butterflies, ants, and how flowers and leaves swing by the wing.

Smell the flowers and listening bird sounds and wind chime. Dig the soil and desperate to connect earth or something.

A few days ago, I injured my hand carelessly. I shot the front door as I was going out to the front garden as usual, but I forgot my left hand inside the house and closed the door over my left hand. Ouch!!!

What was I thinking? No, I was not thinking anything.

I realized I was not functioning. I was feeling too much pain of losing Bubu so I avoid thinking.

Bubu departed the next day after he was diagnosed with cancer, I was not ready. Well, was I ready if he lived a longer? Was I ready when any of my animal family departed? …

My husband, Eric, cried when Bubu was diagnosed and when he was leaving. He goes foil surfing and dealing with his pain his way.

I am not expecting anybody to understand. I meditate and acknowledge Bub’s love for us and my love for him to move forward.

Then, I noticed his sister, Lumi and his daughter Happy were grieving a lot. Lumi did not want to move much and did not lift her face. Happy was ricking, pulling her fur and chewing her skin.

I felt I need to take care of them more than ever.

Photo: Lumi and Happy are laying down a lot with no energy.

One of the holistic modalities that I have been using for emotional support since 1993 is Bach Flower Remedy.

I first time used Bach Flower Remedy for me when I had ovarian cancer in 1993. An acupuncture doctor recommended it. I did not know that I had stress till I used Bach Flower Remedy. I learned how to release tension and ease my stress using Bach Flower Remedy. I decided to study more Bach Flower Remedy in 1995 and became Register Practitioner.

Animals have feelings and emotions too. I have been helping dog and cat rescue groups using Bach Flower Remedy, Animal Communication and Animal Reiki. Many cases there are great benefits for them.

They are 38 Bach Flower Remedy discovered by Dr. Bach. Each remedy is directed at a particular characteristic or emotional state.

Lumi and Happy have different personality;

Lumi is excitable and Happy is shy.

I chose and mixed different Bach Flower Remedies to help their grieving when Lumi lost her mom, Oro, Happy’s grandmother. It helped them and they got more energy and played together.

Lumi:

Beech, Honeysuckle, and Walnut

Happy:

Aspen, Chicory, Honeysuckle and Walnut

I also decided to mix Bach Flower remedies for me too. These grief remedies have helped me not feel stuck and accept reality to move forward.

Honeysuckle, Pine, Star of Bethlehem, Walnut and Water Violet

Description for Remedies that I choose for grieving for Lumi, Happy and me are:

Aspen – Useful for animals that display signs of anxiety following the death of an animal companion. It also helps humans that may have generalized fears for the safety or health of other pets in the household
Beech – For animlas or people who are grumpy, irritable or ‘snappy’ during the stressful grieving period. Increases tolerance of others and allows for the processing of genuine emotions in stressful situations.
Chicory -For animals that suffer extreme anxiety, hair chewing, etc.

Honeysuckle – For humans and animals that are longing for their lost companions.

Pine – Releases guilt surrounding the death of a pet and those lamentations that you ‘could have helped them’, ‘should have known’ or ‘should have loved them more. Releases self-blame and self-doubts over the situation.
Star of Bethlehem – The remedy for shock and particularly useful when the death of a pet has been sudden or without warning. Comforts and soothes the individual after a shocking incident when there is emotional pain and suffering.
Water Violet – The ‘grief’ flower essence helps you process all the feelings associated with grief (sadness, anger, denial) to prevent you from creating unhealthy blockages. Allows you to experience and process the emotions of grief fully and may bring about teariness to help you release emotions over the death of a pet.
Walnut – Helps in times of transition like the loss of a pet and allows humans and animals to ‘break the links, release the pet who has passed on and be able to move on with life more easily.

Photo: Walnut flowers

Flower Remedy Dosage:

Take each Bach Flower Remedy 2 drops at least 4 times daily. You can mix all together in 1 oz mixing bottle with spring water and 4 drops from the bottle is works too. You can add in water and food and use them as a room spray.

Make 1 oz mixing bottle with water with chosen Bach Flower Remedy will last two weeks, then reassess for suitability and make any alterations to the mix as necessary to take for another two weeks. The length of time it takes for the grieving process is different for every person (and animal).

Internal Use:

Bach Flower Remedies – Take 4 drops under the tongue, at least 4 times daily.

Topical Use: A few drops can be rubbed into the skin (or fur or paws for animals) or can be added to moisturizing creams, lotions or baths.

Room Spray: Add several drops to a small spray/atomizer bottle filled with spring water. Spray throughout the house, over human and animal bedding, and any areas the deceased animal used to frequent.

I hope this helps others who are going through grieving.

Besides Bach Flower Remedy, Animal Communication helps your animal family who is going through grieving. I hope to write about it also soon.

If you have any questions, please post on this blog and I will answer for you.

Love,

Sanae

Animal Communication: Bubu’s Last Words

One week ago today (May 25th, 2021), one of our beloved dog kids, Bubu left to heaven.
He was 11 and a half years old.
He never got sick all his life (except minor his toothache) and he was doing well till one week before. We are shocked and so sad here.

I hope writing this blog helps me grieve smoothly and tribute to Bubu’s life.

First, about ten days ago, what I noticed was Bubu got picky eating his food. We always make homemade food for our animal family. He enjoyed his food every day so I thought that he was going through changes because of his age. Sometimes as our dogs or cats get older, they want to eat different foods. But he puked when he ate some food.
I checked his body and gave him Reiki.
I felt something over his tummy, which he did not have last month when I checked him while cutting his nails. I usually check all my animal family’s bodies once a month when I cut their nails.
When I gave him a massage, Reiki and also moxibustion, he felt better.

Photo: Bubu with his dog family and me on my birthday in April at North Fork. Bubu is third one from left.

I made phone calls to make an appointment for him to get a check-up, but we are still in the Pandemic so none of the veterinarian’s offices had availability for 2~3 weeks. Our holistic veterinarian doctor Lane was able to come to see him a week later so we asked her to come.

Meantime, Bubu was still enjoying his walk and eating most of his food.
I wanted to make him comfortable so I communicated with him:
Bubu said, “I am not sure what is going on with me, but I can’t eat all the food I used to enjoy.” He also said, “I feel lonely since nobody comes to visit for a while.” so I explained him about Pandemic, and told him that I feel lonely too. He told me that he understood and he was happy that Eric and I were with him and his dogs and cats family were with him too.
But I contacted his favorite friends.
Two friends were able to come to see him right away.
He was delighted and enjoyed seeing them so much.

Bubu was born in our house, Santa Monica, California.

Photo: Bubu is the second from right – light blue yarn puppy and next to left to him is his sister Lumi.

Photo: Bubu right and Lumi left.

Photo: Bubu front left with Lumi front right/ Their mother Oro all the way right. Back on the left is Bubu’s step father Leo, Eric and Kula, Bubu’s aunt.

His mother was Oro, my first Golden Retriever Kin’s daughter and his father was a champion dog; Preston from Shadalane Golden Retriever. He never gave us trouble growing up with potty training or manner or anything, but he was sensitive, so he was scared and shy when he was a puppy.
I encouraged him to go to agility class with Eric when he was young. Agility class helped him to build his confidence. I think having agility training grounded his personality also.
He was a very caring and kind dog.

He was quiet and did not express his feelings much usually, but when Eric came home from his work every day and his favorite friends visited us, he showed so much happiness by picking up his favorite toy and with his voice…woooo, woooo, woooo!!!!

Photo: Bubu’s favorite toy and Eric.

He was our original shower and ofuro (bath) boy.
When we took a shower or ofuro (bath), he came to the bathroom and stayed there and sometimes felt asleep against the bathtub. He showed Kai and Lani to be shower and ofuro (bath) boys.

Photo: Bubu with his shower and Ofuro (bath) new assistants, Kai and Lani

Bubu did not like other dogs much so he enjoyed his family here at home a lot. Later in his life, our dog trainer friend, Cecilia, showed him how to trust other dogs and he went mountain hiking every week with ten other dogs until she had to move to Colorado because of the Pandemic last year.

He loved diving from the rock at Manzanita lake, which he learned from his aunt, Kula.

I wanted to make his daily routine a little more enjoyable so I asked him what else he wants to do, he said, “Park!” so I decided to take him to a park early evening to walk without a leash. He really loved it and walked all around the baseball ground at Clover Park until three days before he passed.

Photo: Bubu at Clover Park

When doctor Lane came, she confirmed that Bubu had something over his tummy.

Photo: Bubu was relaxed with Doctor Lane’s examination.

She recommended taking him for an ultrasound examination. Still, there was no veterinarian place available to offer the ultrasound examination for Bubu except for bringing him to an emergency because of Pandemic. Bubu received his acupuncture treatment and relaxed so doctor Lane and we thought taking him to an emergency will stress him out. Doctor Lane decided to contacted her associate doctor Hadar (who I know from Kula – Bubu’s aunt, who was sick in 2016) for the next day appointment.
When we took Bubu to doctor Hadar’s office, he did not want to go inside with an animal technician. He looked at me and said, “Please go inside with me, mommy.”
I had to tell him that “Bubu, I am sorry, but it is Pandemic and we can’t go inside with you, but Daddy and I are here outside waiting for you so please go and take a test. You will be fine. The test results show us what we can help you.”
He looked sad, but he said, “Ok, I understand.” and he went inside.
I was so proud of him and told him that too.
It took about two and a half hours when he came back he was a little weak. I took this photo with him.

Photo: Bubu after doctor Hadar’s ultrasound examination

Doctor Hadar told us by phone that Bubu has cancers and less than one month to live. We were shocked and very sad, but I told him I am ready to help taking care of him as I took care of his aunt, Kula for two months, his mom Oro for three months, and his stepfather Leo for 16 months after they got sick. I was ready to take care of Bubu no matter what.
I even made a point to him that you got the same diagnosis like I got, which is less than one month to live.
He said quietly, “I do not want to be your burden and jeopardize your health.” I replied, “You are not a burden to me, and I am not going to jeopardize my health taking care of you.” He smiled and did not say anything.

That night, Eric was talking to Bubu after dinner.
He was massaging and talking to Bubu about how much they had a good time doing agility together. Eric was asking me to gather photos of their agility training so I had to look for these photos. I could hear Eric was crying and saw Bubu had tears in his eyes.

Photo: Bubu with Eric at agility training

Photo: Bubu learned to wait at agility training

Photo: Bubu was learning to jump by his instructor Annica

I felt that Bubu was not staying with us for too long that night. Bubu was a gentleman, so even he was getting weak he walked his own and went outside and did his toilet matter and went to his bed next to my side.

The following day, he was sleeping with Lumi, his sister. I also noticed he was lying down on Lani’s bed that he never used. I think he just wanted to try it before he left and saying goodbye to everyone already.

Photo: Bubu tired Lani’s bed

I did not have a good feeling so I stayed with him all morning and gave him Reiki, moxibustion and loquat warm water gentle body scrub.
He enjoyed everything, but he did not want to eat much so I gave him liquid food. He ate, but when I gave him apples and broccoli organic baby food that Eric bought, he threw up everything. I felt terrible that I gave him something that I did not make and I think apple was too acidic for his condition so I made Kuzu ume cream which he ate.

I could tell he was tired so I let him sleep and took other dogs for a walk. He was sleeping, but I think he wanted to get up and go outside so he did, but he could not get up anymore. He weight about 40 lbs, but I somehow got strength to pick him up and put him on a dog bed on the deck.
I had to call Eric to come home.
Eric came home and felt the same feeling I had that Bubu would not stay long with us.
Doctor Hadar called around 6:45 pm and gave us the blood test results and said that his liver is failing according to the blood test, so he might just have a few days to live. I told her that I think it will not be a few days. It might be tonight.

Around 7 pm, Eric and I felt that Bubu was starting to get ready to leave. We had no time to take him or any veterinarian doctor to come to euthanize him.
I kept talking to him that “Bubu, it is time to go; I am here to help you no matter what. You don’t have to worry about anything. As I told you always, I will see you here or there wherever you want to see me again. I love you so much. I thank you for everything you did and the time we had. Thank you, thank you, thank you!” I kept talking to him.

Eric and I could see Bubu was trying hard to transition to heaven, but he was still resisting.
I told Eric, “Please tell Bubu that you are going to see him again!”
Eric looked at me quickly and told him right away with his tears, “Bubu, I will to see you again….” Eric did not finish his whole sentence…Bubu said, “yes, thank you, daddy and mommy I will see you again!!!!” and he let go and left in a half-second. These were his last words as he was departed.
His eyes were shining, his face was smiling and his arms were reaching toward heaven.
The beautiful light surrounded him and he left peacefully.
It was an incredible experience!

Photo: Bubu’s dog family – Left to right, Happy, Kai, Nalu, Lani and Lumi.

Photo: Cats family – Tin Tin and Mai Mai came to say good bye!

Sadly, we do not have Bubu with us physically anymore.
I know he taught us so much even as he was leaving here.
I thought he got sick, so I will take care of him for a while, but he decided to leave so soon.
Eric and I were not ready to send him off; we are grieving hard.
I took a photo of him with his dog family, but I did not even think to put a candle until a few days after he left. I was not able to accept his departure. As I put a candle and burned the incense, I felt my sadness and miss Bubu deeply, but at the same time, I am all right because I feel Bubu’s love continuously and I am here to take care of his family to respect his wish.

I was writing ‘How to Make Umeboshi Plums’ recipe on my blog, but I could not finish writing. Bubu said to me, “Mommy, you can finish writing Umeboshi plums blog first, then please write about me.” so I finished writing Umeboshi plums blog with my tears last Friday, May 28th.
I am glad that I did it because Bubu was watching me making Umeboshi plums this year too and the last thing he was able to eat was ume kuzu.

Over this weekend, we went to North Fork where Bubu loved running, swimming, and diving into lakes—celebrating Bubu’s life.

The last few times when we went to Manzanita lake in North Fork, there was not enough water for him to jump from his favorite rock so he did not do it. But there was snow and he had a good time. Also, he had fun at creek.

Photo: Bubu on the left, and Happy and Lumi had fun with snow in March

Photo: Having fun in a creek in April.

Photo: Three Golden family with me.

There was not much water again this time, but we took his photo with his sibling Lumi and Happy.

Photo: At Manzanita lake with Bubu’s sister Lumi and his daughter Happy

We also went to Bass lake, where he was swimming. Some people were fishing there so we just took photos with his dog family and his picture.

Photo: By Bass lake

We found a new location by the Bass lake dam and everyone was enjoying running, swimming, chasing a duck and catch the sticks.
I could feel that Bubu’s existence and his daughter Happy were checking his picture as she also felt Bubu was there.

Photo: By the Bass lake dam.

Today, I woke up and said to Bubu I am ready to write about you, what do you think?
He said, “That’s a good idea, mommy. You will help many people who love their animal family to share how to communicate with their animal family and heal when they are going through grieving. I love you so much and thank you for all my life. Till next time I see you, mommy!”

I love you, Bubu, for your birth to your departure to heaven.
Yes, till I see you again!

Tribute to Bubu Oro Suzuki
Beloved Our Original Shower Boy
01-19-2010 ~ 05-25-2021

Love,
Sanae 💖

P.S. If any of you are interest in learning animal communication, here is info from my website:
https://sanaesuzuki.com/animal-communication/