sanaesuzuki |

Tribute to my beloved dog daughter, Lumi

My beloved dog daughter, Lumi (Luminaire Oro Suzuki), left to cross the Rainbow Bridge on May 18th, 2025 at 9:45 am.

She was a 15 and a half year-old golden retriever.

– miracle kind heart, an excitable girl who lived her life to the fullest and taught us so much love and courage!

I wrote about her before: two of my blogs were dedicated to her.

Lumi, the Golden Retriever Reincarnation

Miracle 2024

She had a heart episode on December 6th at 3:09 pm.

I thought she had to leave at that time, but she made it.

It took her three hours to start breathing normally and regain her strength, but she was unable to go on her favorite walk outside after this episode. But she did not complain. She was happy everyday what she could do.

We took her to the beach on Christmas day. She enjoyed a slow walk on the beach.

She had her 15th birthday on January 19th and enjoyed visiting our neighbor friends’ house for her birthday with a blueberry pancake as her birthday cake. She knew she lived a longer life this time.

Then, she had lung issues around February 23rd, so she was taking it easy and spent most of the day with Manakani (the one-year-old girl who came after Lumi’s daughter, Happy, passed). She ate well and slept a lot.

Lumi was very neat and tidy, so she wanted to go through her morning routine, and when she couldn’t turn over on her own, she would bark to let us know and turn to the other side or get up and go outside to go outside to pee or poo on her own.

After that, she waited to receive a massage with warm loquat leaves-infused water, and baking soda with sea salt tooth paste I made for teeth cleaning.

Then, I gave her herbal and homeopathic medicine, along with her remedy, which was usually her favorite lotus cream, then a homemade breakfast (from the Healthy Happy Pooch book recipe). I also applied her homemade tofu and loquat poultices to her front elbow, which was swelling due to arthritis.

After the morning routine, she wanted to go to the deck in the back of the house where there was shade. She loved the outdoor bed, which was a cooling, elevated, breathable bed. She stayed there, watching the sky and the movement of the trees, squirrels, possums, and birds. She could smell and hear everything, and she would bark now and then when she got excited. She tried to get up to turn over in her sleep and adjust her position. She was a brave and independent girl until the end.

I have sent 18 animal family members (13 dogs and 5 cats) to Rainbow Bridge in my lifetime in America (I had three more dogs when I was in Japan).

Does it get easier?

NO!

Once again, I am grieving.

It comes like waves of the ocean.

Sometimes, it’s a very soft wave, but sometimes, it’s a tough, intense wave that I can’t swim in, and I feel like drowning.

I feel the waves’ pressure push me down, and I am not able to come up to the surface. I feel like I can’t breathe! Everything is dark before my eyes.

Lumi took her last breath after I left home to teach the Sashiko workshop at 9 am on May 18th.

About five minutes before the workshop started, Eric called and told me that Lumi had left.

Eric said he was holding her and laid down next to her after I left home to teach. He was feeling her heartbeat since he had his hand under her heart. One moment, he felt there was no heartbeat of Lumi, so he looked at her closely.

He said with his tears, “Lumi took two deep breaths, and she left peacefully in my arms.”

I knew this moment would come someday, but I was so sad I couldn’t stand up, and I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to hide somewhere, so I went to the bathroom first to calm myself down, and somehow, I managed to finish teaching the workshop, but I don’t remember much about what happened after that.

Before I left home, I told Lumi that if she had to go, she didn’t have to wait for me. Because I felt like she couldn’t leave while I was with her, I will miss her. However, we spent a lot of time together, and I can live with her memories and her family. I have to live my life to the fullest, just like Lumi.

As I wrote on my blog “Lumi, the Golden Retriever Reincarnation.“

Lumi came back to me four times to be with me in my lifetime.

The previous three times she returned, she died in car accidents at a young age (4 months, 1 year old, and 4 years old), so when she returned this time, she wanted to make sure that she lived a long and fulfilling life.
So, I vowed to help Lumi live a long and healthy life as a dog.
And this time, Lumi lived a long life and fulfilled her wish!

Lumi was a miracle girl who lived her life to the fullest and showed me how to be herself, how to take it easy with her so much love, and how to be amazing every day!

She was born at our house in Santa Monica as the last puppy of Oro, who was my first service dog, Kin’s daughter. I still remember that moment as it was yesterday.

Lumi was not breathing when she was born, so Oro kept licking her. I gave her CPR, and she got her first breath.

She was a miracle girl.

She had a strong mind, and despite having a more petite body – she was only 35 lbs when she grew up (the average golden retriever is 60~70 lbs).

I raised Lumi macrobiotic vegan foods (Healthy Happy Pooch) with her brother, Bubu and their mother Oro. And Lumi daughter, Happy joined.

Lumi was a foodie girl. She ate everything I gave her.

Her favorite vegetables were raw broccoli (especially when she chewed thin slices of the stems), cauliflower, and carrots, which she enjoyed as a crunchy snack. She also loved cooked pinto beans, azuki beans, tempeh, kabocha squash, Japanese sweet potatoes, and pizza crust.

We usually separate our dogs into two different teams to walk. We had to take her with the first team; otherwise, she would have baked so much. She was excitable girl! Once she went to walk, she was satisfied and stayed on the back deck.

Lumi was the best mother to her daugher “Happy”. Lumi was also good sister to Bubu.

She was always there for me, so I was there for her, even though she was originally Eric’s girl, just like her previous life as “Dore.”

We did many things, including bicycle rides, hiking, swimming, and stand-up paddleboarding (SUP).

Especially since she got older and could not walk well because of her arthritis, I was with her as much as I could. She followed me everywhere I went in the house. When I moved to a different room, for example, from the living room to the work desk room, she got up and came to be with me. If she couldn’t, she barked and asked me to help her get up. Once she got up, she strolled to the room where I was. And she fell asleep with a big snore.
I can see and hear her even now beside my work desk right now as I am writing this.

Oh, Lumi… I miss you so much!!!

After she departed, I had to work the whole week since one of my clients was in the hospital, and I had to teach Sashiko workshops; I could not make time to grieve her loss for one week.
It was such a heartbroken time.
I felt numb and lacked motivation.
I wanted to deny Lumi’s passing, and I wanted d to feel that Lumi was still with me.

I wanted to avoid doing anything in memory of Lumi, but having lived with her for so many years, I was doing it for her for a long time.

I usually write to help release my emotions when I’m having a challenging time.
But I could not write about Luim for two weeks, so I wrote about “Joy of Teaching Sashiko” and posted it on my blog. I wrote it to distract myself from thinking about Lumi.

There was something I felt in my gut. I had to breathe deeply to move it out of my body, but no matter how many times I took deep breaths, it felt like something was stuck.

Sigh, sigh, and more sigh…

The morning has been very challenging for me since I was giving her a massage, applying a loquat compress, preparing a remedy drink, brushing her teeth, cleaning her fur, and feeding her homemade food (from Healthy Happy Pooch book recipes)and remedies.

Now, I wake up and feel like I have lost my purpose.

No ikigai!

I finally got a few days off after 10 days Lumi passed, so I was slowly dipping into down-sad feelings.

I heard Lumi-chan’s voice when I woke up that morning.

Time passes without me getting anything done.

The first day I have a full day to myself.

I wanted to feel Lumi and miss her.

I was just staring at something, but nothing.

I glanced my eyes down to where Lumi was spending her time the whole year during the day.

She had four different beds.

Nobody wants to use them since she left.

Makani, who spent most of her time every day with Lumi, is grieving so much, too.

Additionally, the families of other dogs and even cats are all missing Lumi.

She was a leader of the family, and everyone respected her.

In the last few days of her life, everybody gave her space.

I am very lucky to have had many dog and cat families in my life.

Currently, I have four dogs and two cats as my family.

Is it less grieving because I still have some animal family?

I am not sure, but the remaining animal family nurtures me.

Whenever I cry, they all come over to me, one by one, and lick my cheeks or give me hugs, and some even cry with me in sad voices.
So, thanks to these kids, even when I feel down, I think I can somehow crawl out of the hole of sadness again.

What I know is each animal family member has touched a different part of my heart and helped me become a better person.

They are all so precious to me.

I have no idea how I could live so peacefully and happily without them.

I have written about grieving subjects on my other blog a few times previously.

Here is another one outlining three + levels.

1. Challenge:

This stage involves confronting the reality of loss and the difficult emotions that arise, such as sadness, anger, confusion, and even guilt. It’s a period of emotional and mental struggle as individuals try to accept the loss and its implications.
Acknowledge and Allow Your Emotions:
Don’t suppress your feelings: Grief is a natural response, and it’s okay to feel sad, angry, confused, or numb.

I am not suppressing, but I do not know how to feel even it is not the first time I have grieved. It is always different, like the cloud of sky coming to me. I somehow do not want to get wet in a downpour of rain.

Be patient with yourself: Healing takes time, and there will be good and bad days.

The patient is the key to my life – but my feelings are up and down so much, and I can’t grasp when I am grieving.

It changes like waves of the ocean.

Cry when you need to: Crying is a healthy way to release emotions.

Sometimes, I need to watch sad movies to help release my sad feelings with tears.

2. Change:

Grief brings about significant changes in how individuals experience life, perceive the world, and interact with others. This shift can feel disorienting or isolating as life, as they once knew it, no longer exists in the same way.

Everyone experiences grief in life and learns to move forward to feel happy again with self-love.

Practice Self-Care:

It is most challenging for me to take care of my feelings.

Take care of your physical health: Exercise, eat healthy food, and get enough sleep.

This one is not easy for me when I’m sad, but I do my best to practice self-care: I do a body scrub after brushing my teeth, eat miso soup for breakfast, and sleep as much as I can.

Establish a routine: Try to maintain a regular schedule for waking, sleeping, and meals.

A regular schedule is beneficial because other animal families that remain need to have it.

Limit alcohol and other unhealthy habits: These can worsen your grief.

For me, I need to pay attention to not overeating or not eating enough.

Engage in activities you enjoy: Participate in hobbies, social events, or other activities that bring you joy.

I am grateful to do Sashiko embroidery and hand sewing. I am currently making my first hand-sewn dress.

3. Connection:

This stage emphasizes the importance of maintaining and building relationships with others. It encourages individuals to connect with loved ones, seek support, and remember the shared memories they have with the person they lost.
Seek Social Support:
Talk to trusted friends and family: Sharing your feelings can provide comfort and support.

I telephoned one friend from the beach on the day Lumi passed.

Connect with others who are grieving: Grief support groups can provide a sense of community.

Not this time, but there were times when I attended a grief support group meeting. There is a good online Grief support group for animal companions.

Consider professional help: If you’re struggling to cope, a therapist or counselor can provide guidance.

I am ready to share my feelings with my therapist soon.

Plus:

Remember the person/animal family you lost: Allow yourself to think about happy memories and acknowledge the bond you shared.

After I get up, I light a candle, burn incense, change the water, and offer new food (I also change the flower if it needs to be changed) for the altar.

Forgive yourself: Don’t beat yourself up for not being able to do everything.

I do not need to blame myself more than I did because, in my heart, I did my best.

Don’t compare your grief to others: Everyone grieves on their own terms and in different ways.

In my case, I need to be alone to face my true feelings at first, but some people need to go out and socialize. Some people, like Eric, go to the ocean and surf to heal themselves.

Consider writing down your thoughts and feelings: This can help you process your emotions.

Writing always helps me, like I am doing now.

Stay active: Try to do something outdoors each day and walk wherever you can.

I go for a walk with my dogs every morning. Going to the beach or lakes every weekend.

Visit your doctor: Grief can be stressful, so it’s essential to inform your doctor about your situation.

I had experience that grief can lower the immune system. When I had cancer in 1993 – after my father passed and my divorce from my first husband. I did not even know I was grieving. When I had second cancer in 2017 – My beloved dog, Kula, passed, and Eric and I lost our restaurant. It was another major grieving, but I was putting my chin up and trying not to be drawn.

I am still in #1 and entering #2, but as I write this blog, I may be touching on #3, so I am posting what I have written so far.

I need to keep writing here.

I had written briefly about the Buddhist memorial service tradition before when other animal families passed.

I want to write more details this time about what I do for them.

I am not a mindful Buddhist, and neither was my family in Japan, so I provide these services casually at home for my animal family. Please understand they may differ from traditional services. The information below is for the human memorial services that I adapted to offer for my animal family.

First, what is the purpose of the Buddhist memorial services?

In Japan, when I was a child, I remember being scolded and told that if I lied, “King Enma will pull out your tongue and send you to hell”?

In Buddhism, when a person dies, they say goodbye to this world and travel to a place called “Chuin.”

Chuin is a world where trials are held to determine the destiny of the deceased in the afterlife. This journey lasts 49 days and is known as the “Journey to the Underworld.” Every seven days, the deceased is judged by the kings of the underworld dynasty for the crimes they committed in life.

On the day of the trial in the interment period, people close to the deceased gather in this world to hold a memorial service. They pray to the Buddha, creating a bond that enables the deceased to reach paradise safely and find happiness. The first day of this process is the “first seventh- day”(初七日-Shonanoka) memorial service.

The first 7th day is the start of the journey to the underworld. The journey to the forty-ninth day

The first seventh-day memorial service is customarily held on the seventh day, starting from the day of the deceased’s death. After that, seven memorial services are held until the forty-ninth day (the seventh 7th day), which are called Chuin Kuyo or Otaiya/Otan-ya.

I usually light a candle and burn incense, accompanied by the sound of an iron (Japanese Buddhist bell). Also, offering water, food that he or she liked in life, and flowers.

The first 7th day (Shonano-ka 初七日)

On the first seventh day (Shonanoko-7th day), the deceased walks up a very steep mountain. It is said that they progress by eating incense during this time, so incense is burned in this world for this reason. At the end of the journey is the first judge, King Hata Hiro.

In this world, we pray to Acala, who has a fearsome face and warns us against the worldly desires of humans for good judgment.

We went to the beach to pray and told Lumi how much we thank her for her life here with us.

The second 7th day (Futannoka 14th days)

As soon as they cross the mountain, they come to the Sanzu River, where those whose crimes are light cross on a bridge, while others must cross in shallow water or through muddy water, depending on the severity of their crime. The fare to cross is six-mon yen (about 200~300 yen now), so they place a six-mon money coin in their coffin.

Once they have crossed the river, they are judged by Hatsue-no-O to see if they have committed any acts of murder, but in this world, they seek salvation from Shaka Nyorai, who will grant the prayers of anyone.

I know my animal family is all able to cross over the rainbow bridge without problems.

The third 7th day (Minanoka 21st day)

The third trial is when the Song Emperor uses a cat and a snake to punish those guilty of infidelity. The Buddha to whom people in this world pray is Manjusri Bodhisattva.

Manjusri Bodhisattva, known as the proverb “three heads together make Manjusri’s wisdom,” grants the wisdom to go to the Pure Land.

The fourth 7th day (Yonnanoka 28th day)

Next, you will meet the Gokan-o. Here, there is a scale that weighs the amount of bad words and actions that the deceased committed during their lifetime, and the deceased is placed on it.

Samantabhadra Bodhisattva, riding on a white elephant, is full of mercy and will lead you to the world of enlightenment with his many merits.

The fifth 7 days (Itsunanoka 35 days）

On this day, the famous King Enma awaits. He uses a mirror made of crystal to reflect the evil deeds of the deceased and has a demon pull out the tongues of anyone who lies.

King Enma then decides where the deceased will be reborn. In this life, we pray to Jizo Bodhisattva, but the Jizo that is closest to us is a Buddha who saves us from the suffering of hell.

The sixth 7 days (Munanoka 42 days)

In the 6th trial, the judgment is made by the King of Transformation based on the reports of King Gokan, who used the scales, and King Enma, who used the mirror. The conditions and place for rebirth are also decided in detail.

Maitreya Bodhisattva is said to be the successor of Shakyamuni. It is the Buddha who will save us in the distant future. He teaches us how to help others attain enlightenment, not just ourselves.

The seventh 7 days (Shichinanoka 49th day)

This day, which is the 49th day after the death, is an important day for memorial services.

It is the day when King Taishan hands down the final decision based on the results of the trials so far. Depending on that decision, the deceased leaves the intermediate world and sets off to be reborn in one of the following realms: the realm of heaven, the realm of humans, the realm of Ashura, the realm of animals, the realm of hungry ghosts, or the realm of hell. In this life, prayers are offered to Medicine Buddha for the best decision to be made.

We did 49thーDay memorial for Lumi’s aunt, Kula.

Kula, Golden Retriever’s 49th-Day Memorial

What is a 49th-day memorial service?

In Buddhism, the 49th-day memorial service is a significant ceremony to pray for the deceased’s soul to attain enlightenment peacefully. In Buddhism, the 49 days after a person’s death are called “Chuin” or “Shichishichinichi,” and memorial services are held at turning points every 7 days during this period. Starting from the 7th day, followed by the 27th and 37th days, the “49th-day memorial service” is held on the 49th day, which is the seventh 7 days, and prayers are offered for the soul to be led to the Pure Land.

49th-day memorial service for animal companions

Increasingly, families in Japan are holding 49th-day memorial services for their animal companions, following the tradition of funeral rites for humans. For owners who feel that their beloved dog is like a member of the family, carefully sending off the soul of the animal companion is an essential step in processing their grief.

49th-day memorial services are gaining attention as a ceremony that allows owners to express their feelings of “thank you” to their pets and their desire to see them off until the very end.

Kula, who was Lumi’s antie, used to go to our restaurant Seed Kitchen, so I offered a 49th-day memorial service for Kula and invited many friends.

I post about it on my blog.

Spend time mourning with family and friends.

It is also essential to hold the 49th-day memorial service with family and close friends. By sharing time together centered around your deceased animal family, such as talking about memories while looking at photos and videos of your beloved dog and playing your favorite music, you can heal your grief. Rather than carrying it alone, mourning together will ease the burden on your heart and give you the strength to look forward.

I only mentioned the Lumi departure to a few friends so far.

Texting is not my favorite way to communicate, so I called.

Most people were busy when I reached out, which I understand.

When I spoke to some friends, I couldn’t bring myself to share the news about Lumi’s passing.

It was not the right time for me to share my feelings yet.

I felt so physically tied, so I received a Shiatsu massage, which definitely helped.

Going to the beach with Lumi’s dog’s family also helped alleviate their state of grief.

Gardening and planting some plants and herbs to remember Lumi.

It has been very healing to write as usual to process my emotions and post my blog, even though it took me more than two weeks to do so. But looking at Lumi’s photos was very hard, even though they were all good memories. I wanted Lumi to be here physically.

I want to see her smile and touch her again.

I asked Eric to make cherry pancakes since Lumi loved cherries every season.

I want to celebrate Lumi’s life when the time is right. Hopefully for 49th day (the seventh 7 day).

“Lumi-chan, you are a really amazing girl; you did your best and lived the fullest!”

“I am so proud of you!”

“Thank you so much to you from the bottom of all my heart!!”

Love,

Sanae❤️

P.S. After I wrote this blog, Lumi’s ash came home.
I received her clipped fur, whisker, nose, paw prints, and teeth. I feel much calmer, yet with a more profound sense of sadness. I cried so much loudly.
After I cired, I felt that Lumi is with me even more than ever, and she told me, “Thank you, Mommy, for everything you did for me!” “I love you so much! I am here with you no matter what, forever!”

Joy of Teaching Sashiko

Some people have dreams and goals when they’re young, and some can make them come true.

That wasn’t the case for me.

When I was in elementary school, I wanted to open a flower shop or nursery that sold flowers and plants that I grew myself, but I didn’t have a garden at home, so I grew a lot of flowers in wooden boxes I got from a fruit shop, but that dream went away.

Then, I liked swimming, and for a moment, I thought I might become an Olympic athlete. I enjoyed reading novels and writing, so there was a time when I wanted to be a writer.

When I went to Hawaii at 17, I got on a plane and thought that a job as a flight attendant might be a good idea. I also got a driver’s license and started driving. I loved driving so much that I wanted to become an F1 racer.

I came to the US at age 19 and thought maybe I could become a photojournalist, which was my major in college, but I quit my media job when I realized that working as a media coordinator would mean I would have no time to spend in my garden or with my animal family.

Before getting my green card (permanent resident status), I worked various jobs, including at a duty-free store and a souvenir shop, washing/detailing cars, as a lawn mower gardener, and growing South American plants in a gardener’s greenhouse.

After getting married and getting my green card (permanent residency), I worked for a Japanese company, a Mitsubishi subsidiary, without thinking about what I wanted to do.

Then, in 1993, I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.

My father had liver cancer and passed away less than one year after his diagnosis, so I chose to focus primarily on healing myself with a holistic approach centered around a macrobiotic diet.

I was in the midst of a turning point in my life when I studied macrobiotic cooking and Yin-Yang philosophy at the East and West Macrobiotic Center in Los Angeles.

I was only interested in getting better, so I worked hard to study and practice natural remedies and macrobiotics.

I never thought I would end up teaching or working in a job where I could share my knowledge and skills with others.

While recovering from ovarian cancer, people around me asked me to share my story of how the diet helped me, and when I landed a new job as a macrobiotic consultant at Ellehorn Natural Foods Market, I felt I could help others by talking about macrobiotics, just as it had helped me, so in 1995 I gave my first macrobiotic cooking class.

I also obtained certifications as a macrobiotic nutrition counselor from the Kushi Institute in Becket, Massachusetts, and graduated from massage school.

My husband Eric is a chef, so we ran a macrobiotic delivery service and a private cooking service and offered healing therapies such as shiatsu.

While teaching macrobiotics and providing healing counseling, Eric and I opened a macrobiotic vegan restaurant called Seed Kitchen.

Running a restaurant was challenging and very stressful, so, unfortunately, I closed it after 8 years.
Six months later, after we closed the restaurant, I felt unwell. I was diagnosed with stage IV blood cancer, non-hatching lymphoma, and was given Only weeks to live. Because the cancer cells were progressing very fast, I decided to undergo chemotherapy to save my life. Still, I continued practicing holistic macrobiotics and was able to reduce the side effects of the treatment. I realized once again how important it is to be healthier than ever before. I can’t believe 30 years have passed in the blink of an eye!

2020, the pandemic hit, and I stopped teaching cooking classes.

I started to focus on art and textiles, my longtime love of sashiko and natural dyes, and growing organic plants at home.

I learned everything changes through the macrobiotic philosophy, so I felt it was time for another change.

Then, an opportunity to teach a botanical work and sashiko workshop came up through an acquaintance.

I’m happy to be able to teach again.　

Teaching is sharing my practice and experiences.

I like solitude, so I usually spend time alone at home with my animal family, creating my projects in the art and healing studio, growing medicinal herbs and wild plants in the garden, and occasionally doing counseling and healing work, which is just right.

I can also connect with many people through workshops. I had a 17-year-old high school student. He enjoyed Sashiko very much, so I was impressed.
It’s a good balance for me.

I was surprised that the sashiko workshop was more popular than I expected.

In the sashiko workshop that I teach, I first teach everyone the basics of sashiko with the history of sashiko. Sashiko does not use an embroidery hoop, I show how to hold the fabric, how to hold the needle, the thread preparation, and the relationship between the fabric and the thread through thread threading (糸こき・Itokoki – the sashiko thread is threaded into the fabric to make it smooth). In addition, the thread length can differ for each person, from their fingertips to their heart, that is, the energy from their fingertips/heaven (heart) to the earth (the length is different for each person).

I have taught macrobiotics for a long time, so using that experience, I chose to teach in my beginner’s sashiko workshop, “米刺し・Kome-zashi/Rice Stitch.” It is Hitomezashi (one stitch sashiko) pattern with your own grid lines. When I show everyone how to stitch variations of rice stitch, they all say, “Wow, it’s so beautiful!”

It’s a simple but complex beautiful look sashiko pattern.

I teach Sashiko regularly every month at JACCC (Japanese American Cultural Community Center) and Wildfiber Studio in Santa Monica.

I have also taught at Chief (an executive private club for women in West Hollywood for Four Objets) and Merrihew Sunset Gardens in Santa Monica.

I have asked to teach Sashiko as a meditative practice at the yoga studio where I used to teach yoga. I have also received requests to teach Sashiko workshops in San Francisco and North Carolina.

Sashiko is not just beautiful to look at but about the beauty of “wabi-sabi,” which is the beauty that makes us who we are. Stitching slowly, one stitch at a time leads to a healing mind. It relaxes and promotes mindfulness, enriches the mind, and allows us to accept stress rather than ignore it and move forward. Moreover, sashiko extends the life of clothing made from plant fibers, which is essential in today’s world, where we need a sustainable way of living and has practical applications in repairing and reinforcing fabrics.

So, being able to do more sashiko workshops is such a joy and “wow!” for me.

I don’t know where the sashiko will take me, but for now, I’m enjoying this journey of teaching sashiko rides and am excited to see what kind of scenery I’ll see.

With gratitude,

Sanae ❤️

Birthday 70!

I have turned 70.
I can’t believe it!

A long time ago, a fortune teller told me I probably live till 60 but do not live long.
I do not believe it seriously, but it stays in my mind when I hear something like that, so I did not forget about it.

Since I was born, I have had many near-death experiences, so it may be a miracle that I am still alive and enjoying a fulfilling life. I try to live each day with gratitude.

Now that I’m 70, I can definitely feel my body aging. I have aches and pains all over my body, and I often find myself looking for things every day because I can’t find them, but for some reason, I feel young at soul and mostly upbeat.
I don’t feel that old yet, so isn’t 70 that old after all?

However, compared to when I was younger, I’ve become calmer, so I guess that’s the benefit of age.
I did many things when I was younger, like skydiving, scuba diving, and bungee jumping.
Now I’m satisfied with my situation, have no desire to do anything extreme, and enjoy relaxing each day.
It may be just me aging.

After my 69th birthday, I told Eric I wanted to go to Europe, specifically Rome (Italy), to celebrate my 70th birthday and made a plan with him.
Going to Rome has been on my bucket list since I saw Audrey Hepburn in “Roman Holiday” when I was 9 years old.

The movie was released in 1953 before I was born, so I do not remember how I watched it, but it must have been with my father since he loved to see foreign movies and took me to many French movies, too.

In 1997, I went to Europe for three weeks alone, cooking at macrobiotic centers and helping out at cooking classes. I also went to several places in Italy, but my luggage was stolen on the train from Venice to Rome, so I didn’t go to Rome. Eric didn’t go to Rome when he was working in Italy, so I showed him Audrey Hepburn’s “Roman Holiday,” he liked the scene where she toured Rome on a Vespa.

But our beloved eldest golden retriever, Lumi, is 15 years old.

Lumi two weeks ago at dog family gathering.

She had a heart attack in December and a weakened lung in February, so we don’t know how long she can live.
Lumi still eats well and lives a relaxed life but needs help getting up because of arthritis. We tried to get her to wear diapers, but she didn’t like it. She has a pride who gets up and tries to go outside to the bathroom, even in a diaper.
But I understand how she feels.
She takes homeopathic and Chinese medicine every day. I massage her legs and spine daily and give her moxibustion, making her feel good.
She’s a precious family member, so we do our best to make sure she lives his life to the fullest.

So, we decided not to go to Rome or Europe.
Eric asked me what I wanted to do for my 70th birthday.

My favorite thing to do is to spend time in nature with my whole family: Eric, our dogs (Lumi, Nalu, Kai, Lani, Makani), and our cats (Tin Tin and Mai Mai).

I asked Eric to take all of us on a camping trip to one of our favorite places, Morro Bay State Park.

Going camping with five dogs and two cats, lots of stuff to prepare their food since we make homemade food for them.
But we’ve been camping before, so we know what to do. It just takes time. We can do it.

We stopped by Santa Barbara on the first day to see our good friend Kelly. She just moved to a lovely new house. She had a big persimmon, loquat, guava, and ginko trees.
Kelly loves to use my organic botanical skincare products ( I have been using my organic botanical skincare products for about 20 years).
I look forward to showing her how to make tinctures there.
She took us for lunch at Santa Barbara Yacht Club.

She gave me glass flower bases for my birthday. The box said “Kin.”
I and my first golden retriever, Kin, met her and her golden retriever, Daisy, at the dog beach in Santa Barbara almost 30 years ago.
I appreciate our friendship so much!

We arrived at Morro Bay State Park just before Sunset after Santa Barbara.
We have come to this camping ground before.
It is near the ocean and the Museum of Natural History.
Makani had never come to this campground, but she had been on a camping trip with us before, so she had fun with her dogs family and the cats were relaxing in the kitty condo.

We brought homemade lentil soup for dinner for us.
We had a simple, delicious meal in the van.
I sew the moon and stars with the ocean wind at night, celebrating my last night in my 60s.

The next morning was supposed to be cooler, but it got warmer, and the sun showed the face and whispered, “Happy 70th Birthday, Sanae.”

As Eric was feeding the dog family breakfast, a couple of people passing by were surprised we had many dogs and said, “Wow, five dogs! Dogs are from God!” I thought right away that maybe living with a dog means being protected by God!

After breakfast, we hiked a little and visited the Morro Bay Museum of Natural History.

There were many elementary kids for their field trip.
Beautiful Morro Bay rock!

I love learning about nature and the local habitat. I did not know that Morro Bay was founded in 1870.

We enjoyed there a lot and got an extraordinary seaweed book.

Then, we went to Cuyucos Dog Beach.
This dog beach is Morro Bay Rock in the back of the scene.

It’s the best dog beach I have ever known.
As we got our dogs out of the van, someone said, “Oh, many dogs, dog is God!”
It was the second time people commented on Dog and God that morning.
I know that when our dogs are happy, we are happy, too; it must be God’s work!

We put our recently bought cart on the sand at the beach so that Lumi could enjoy it, too. I pulled the cart for Lumi on the beach.

She couldn’t walk well, but she was happy to feel the breeze and smell the ocean.

Nalu, Kai, Lani, and Makani enjoyed running, chasing each other, and eating seaweed.

After Dog Beach, we went to Cambria to window shop and to a natural food store, where we bought some local boysenberry jam.

Our camping toaster!

Then, Harmony (a small town with a population of 18) where Eric tasted some wine and bought some.

The birthday dinner was at Harbor Hut, one of the oldest restaurants we like to visit in Morro Bay. Eric reserved our favorite seat so we could see the sunset by Morro Bay Rock.

What a precious, thoughtful gift filled my heart.

On this day, I got birthday calls from my friends Masayo, Angel, and Mark. Thank you, everyone!

On the morning of the second day, we decided to go somewhere we’d never been before and headed to a town called Los Osos.
Eric bought some sourdough bread at a local bakery.

We also went to dip in a mineral bath at Avila Spa.

The mineral bath helped ease my legs and lower back pain.
I didn’t have a swimsuit, so I wore black underwear and a tank top (lol).

Then, in the afternoon, we saw another good friend, Laura, who lives nearby. She went to Kushi Institute to learn macrobiotics and used to cook macrobiotic food for my client. We had a late lunch / early dinner at Shine Cafe. We both ordered Tempeh Reuben sandwiches, but they looked different than what we thought. The waiter said they were a tempeh sandwich, and just difference was no sauerkraut this one. Do you want sauerkraut?
Laura and I said at the same time.” Of course, sauerkraut!” and laughed so much!!!

A farmers’ market was nearby, so we walked around and checked local vegetables, fruits, and artist crafts. Laura got a ceramic pin matching my hat – a cute orange bird from a local ceramist for my birthday.

Then, I came up with the idea of getting a foot massage to relax. Eric said no, but I said it was my birthday, so you need to celebrate with a foot massage.
We all got massages and feel so much better.
In the evening, we returned to the campground and talked with Eric’s banana muffin, Los Osos’s sourdough bread, vegan cheese, and kukicha till we got tired.

It was no stressful, simple, happy weekend for my birthday.

Now, I have returned home and connected with the trees and plants in my garden that I have been helping to grow for almost 40 years.
I am happy they are around me and give me a botanical vibe.

Nancy, my frined who live behind us brought me a birthday card and flowers from the garden, and we made plans to go out for sushi.
I got a birthday call from Amanda, a kind friend who remembered my birthday even though she lost everything in the wildfires in January.
My long-time friend, Jessica, took me to a birthday brunch in Marina del. It was a fun time with delicious food.

My longest-time friend (since Pepperdine University), Judy, is taking me to dinner next week; I am lucky to have good friends and feel happy to continue celebrating my 70!

I am grateful to age slowly and find my interest in everyday life to move forward.

Love,

Sanae ❤️

Sharing My Feelings After The Wildfires…

It has been over two weeks since the most devastating wildfires in Los Angeles. My heart goes out to people affected by the wildfire.

I appreciate all of you contacting me and showing your concerns. Eric and I are safe with five dogs and two cats’ family here in Santa Monica.

Although we did not have actual fire damage, I have been emotional and feeling fear. I wrote this blog to move forward in response to the fear of this wildfire and my sad feelings.

The fire occurred on Tuesday, January 7th, around 10:20 am.

That day, I left home at 8:40 am and went to a Qigong class.

I had a habit of looking at the sky, and I remembered it was blue, so I was grateful as I walked.

After the class, I was at home making a sample for the Sashiko Workshop; Eric phoned me and told me about the wire.

I asked Eric, is it close?

He said it was Pacific Paracede, about 11 miles from our house.

I went outside and saw the gray-pinkish big smoke over the north side of our house.

I noticed the wind started to get so intense, and our trees in the garden were swinging like children’s parks. It was a twisting swing I never saw before. The wind got so bad it broke the branches of the trees as they twisted off. We could not sleep that night, watching the news all the time and checking Watch Duty – Wildfire Maps & Alerts

When the second area of Santa Monica received mandatory evacuation (about 3 miles from our house), we packed our passports and some of our belongings, set up a large cat crate with a litter box for cats and dog beds in the van, and got ready to evacuate.

Seeing the smoke and flame from the rooftop of our house, I let out a speechless scream.

The next day, amidst the black smoke, the sun was dyed red, which I had never seen in my life. I had to face the horrors of reality.

When the news showed about 12,000 houses were burned down, I felt like I was just staring at the screen in a daze, unable to believe it, as if I was watching the devastation of war.

Finding out some of our friends lost their houses in the wildfire and some are still evacuating made us feel such sad and heavy feelings.　
My heart hurts when I think about how long everyone has to go.
We meditated more to send love and compassion to these people. We also did what we could by making donations, but I felt helpless.
In the meantime, we cared for ourselves to find even the slightest joy and happiness.
I can’t ignore the indescribable emotions that can’t be put into words in the air.

Over the first weekend of Eric’s day off, we escaped the smoky air and went to Santa Barbara’s dog beach.

Last week, we celebrated Lumi’s 15th birthday. It lifted up our spirits! Thank Lumi so much for her strength to live!

Today, I’m listening to Cheri Huber’s audiobook “The Fear Book” as I prepare material kit for my first sashiko workshop at JACCC this weekend. I hope the Sashiko workshop helps people heal during challenging times.

What fear is (from Cheri Huber’s book)

…fear is the hunted, not the hunter.

Fear is not what you think it is.

…..Fear is a very useful signal along the path to freedom.

Cheri Huber’s Free Audiobook site

https://www.livingcompassion.org/audio-books

New Year’s Resolutions and Goals 2025

Happy New Year!

I stayed away from social media for the first week of the New Year, so I want to send you my New Year’s greetings now.

Wishing you everyone 2025 filled with prosperity, joy, health, vitality, and *Ikigai!!

*Ikigai (生き甲斐）is a Japanese abbreviation for the expression Ikirukaigaaru (生きる甲斐がある) “It’s worth living,” and it means feeling the joy and vitality of living.

My Ikigai for New Year’s Day has been going to see New Year’s Sunrise.

New Year Sunrise in 2024

I started around 1992, so it is a ritual that has been around for about 33 years.

There is a New Year proverb in the Japanese:

一年の計は元旦にあり- Ichinen no kei wa gantan ni ari

Free translation: “New Year’s Day is the year’s key!”

The proverb’s direct meaning is that The year’s plan is made on New Year’s Day.

Unlike in Japan, there is nothing special about New Year’s Day here, so I started going to see the first sunrise of the year, which made me feel refreshed as I approached the New Year.

I once saw the New Year’s Sunrise in Izu, Japan, with my mother. We saw the most amazing New Year’s Sunrise together. I am so glad that I was able to do with my mother before she passed. The trip we did together was unforgettable in my heart.

The 2025 New Year sunrise time in Santa Monica was at 6:59:

It was so foggy and cold when we left home that I had to wear many layers of clothes. When we hiked up the Santa Monica mountain, we were over the fog, and we could see a beautiful horizon line.

We took our dogs, Kai, Lani and Makani. Our friend, Angel, who helps my garden, came with us.

It was much warmer than the last few years, which was so cold and windy.

Once we got to the top, we looked all over – a slite orange color was already on the horizon, so we knew where the New Year Sunrise was coming up.

Other people were there, but I loudly expressed, “Arigatou・Thank you!” from the bottom of my heart. I felt happy to be able to express my gratitude.

I asked Eric and Angle about their New Year “resolution” while waiting for the New Year Sunrise.

Angel said he wanted to do more dancing.

He shared that he started to take a dancing lesson, so I thought it was ballroom dancing, so I said immediately, “What dancing lesson? Is it ballroom dancing?” Angele is a quiet, shy guy and ceramic artist, so I could not imagine that he would dance especially ballroom dancing.

He smiled and said, “Oh, no, no, Hip-hop dance.” I said, “Wow, that’s great!” He said, ” I want to be more active and was thinking of taking a dance lesson, so I took a few last year. I liked it, so I want to continue.” I thought, I want to see him dance one day!

Eric said’ “More free time!” I am sure he meant to spend his free time surfing in the ocean since he helps our animal family and me so much every day. I said, “That’s a great idea, Eric, so let’s think about how you can get more free time and make a plan.”

Angel said, “It is important to have time for yourself since you are very busy.”

I also said, “Mine is go to physical therapy to strengthen my left knee.”

I was glad we could exchange our resolution together in a great place. After talking, I felt refreshed, and simultaneously, the year’s first sunrise rose.

I thought we might not see New Year’s Sunrise when I left home due to the fog, but it was spectacular.

The 2025 New Year Sunrise came up to promise to achieve the resolution we made.

On the way down the mountain, we saw the fog, almost marshmallows laid out all over Santa Monica to the south side to Perlos Verdesand and the east side to downtown Los Angeles.

It was a mysterious feeling to go back down there.

After we came back home, we ate our New Year Mochi Ozouni. I started to write my resolutions and goals.

As I said, my resolution for 2025 is “Go to physical therapy to strengthen my left knee.”

Because I broke my left knee five years ago while I was hiking.

It took two years to heal, and then about one year ago, my neighbor’s dog attacked my dog, Nalu, and me. I injured the same knee and right shoulder. The shoulder got better with therapeutic massage and acupuncture, but the knee is still not fully healed, so I knew I had to do the next step. I believe holistic with a plant-based approach comes to healing, so I do not use any Western medication most of the time, but I do know when to use the Western approach, so I went to see my new primary doctor and discuss my left knee. She was a young doctor, and before I told her my thoughts, she checked my knee and said right away, since your knee is not broken this time, and you need to strengthen the knee, so go to physical therapy.

My goal for 2025 is to fully heal from knee injuries and be physically active. I have started going to Qigong class twice weekly in the morning at a park since last summer, which has also helped me greatly.

I walked two blocks to the park and back, which also helped my heart to be active.

As I was writing this, I also wanted to make my goal for 2025 a more straightforward way to communicate with Eric and remind him at the same time.

One thing I can do is create our monthly calendar and write plans for my needs and also our rendezvous plan there.

I also realized that resolutions and goals are different, so I decided to write about them.

So, here are my New Year’s resolutions and goals for 2025:

My 2025 Resolutions and Goals

Resolution 1: Go to physical therapy to heal my knee in three months.

(The key point is three months)

Goal 1: To be pain-free and get strength.

Resolution 2: Walk 1 ~2 miles daily and continue to Quigong class.

(The key point is 1 ~2 miles daily)

Goal 2: More socialize with people.

Resolution 3: Make a monthly communication calendar with Eric and write a plan on the calendar.

(The key point is monthly)

Goal 3: Simplesize communication with Eric, meditating, and doing other things with him more.

Resolution 4: Teach a workshop/class that allows me to relax mentally without exhausting my physical energy.

(The key point is teaching without exhausting my physical energy)

Goal 4: Teaching, which I enjoy, and connecting with people.

Resolution 5: Write every day, even only for a short time, and will finish writing my recovery book by the end of this year. (The key point is every day, even for a short time and finish this year)

Goal 5: Finish my recovery book.

A resolution is a statement of what you want to change/do (Action).”

within a time frame. See what I wrote above as the key point.

A goal is a statement of what you want to achieve, and resolution is the steps you need to take to achieve it, and when you want to achieve it.

The resolution is a word that refers to the determination or plan that you have in your heart. Rather than simply wanting to do 〇〇 or become 〇〇, think about what you will do concretely to achieve those desires. By setting resolutions, your goals and objectives will become more apparent.

Resolutions are different from goals. A goal is a goal that you strive for, and the process of getting there doesn’t matter. On the other hand, resolution includes both goals and the process to achieve them.

Chinese New Year, Nine Star Ki New Year is not January 1st, so you have time to write your resolution for 2025 and achieve your goal.

You can write first:

・Write down your concerns and issues

・Think specifically about your ideals

・ Set specific numbers and deadlines

I wish you luck for 2025.

Love,

Sanae ❤️

Live Life One Stitch at a Time

End of 2024.
I reflected on this year of 2024 as challenging since I felt stuck and not moving forward for me.

However, this was a fruitful year in which I learned that this state of standing still is the time necessary to move on to the next step.
Of course, even though I can write this now, it was not easy, and I got irritated and even sad.

But it allowed me to cherish my feelings, spend each day quietly, and do what I could with gratitude even when my moody feelings were elsewhere. I observed my emotions – breathing in and out, meditating.
It was important to me to see the things I didn’t like about myself.

I lost interest in many things but somehow wanted to hand-stitches.
What is my attraction for wanting to hand-stitches?

One day, I remember when I was in elementary school, a classmate named “Akemi”-chan （a charming classmate）always wore fashionable clothes made by her mother. I dreamed of being able to make my own clothes since my mother was not crafty.
No one in my family did anything like art or crafty, but I have been attracted to making something since I was six years old with my hand, gardening, Japanese calligraphy, crocheting, “hanga” wood print, and embroidery.
I really wanted to master using a sewing machine and make cute, fashionable clothes like Akemi-chan was wearing.

Around that time, a home economics class assignment was to make pajamas using a sewing machine. I was excited and asked my mother to buy one, but the sewing machine she bought me was different from the one at school, and as a 10-year-old, I used it without guidance and broke the machine.
My mother scolded me. I felt so bad and lost confidence in using the sewing machine.

I never wanted to use a sewing machine anymore, but I have continued to enjoy making things with my hand: weaving, knitting, and crocheting.

In 2017, I found a sewing class in my neighborhood where you could sew pants using a sewing machine, so I decided to try it. I finished sewing the pants and got a sewing machine, but I didn’t feel very excited about it.

Why?
I think, I was still scared that I might break it again.
Also, I did not like the mechanical sound.
It might be the same as preparing sesame seeds in a mortar and pestle, but it suits my personality better than using a food processor when cooking.

I continued hand stitching Sashiko (traditional Japanese embroidery) more and enjoyed it very much.
It fits in my lifestyle and quietness.
I realized that whenever I felt stuck, I stitched.
When I got COVID-19 and after a neighbor’s dog attacked one of my dogs, Nalu and me, I was feeling blue.

Moyouzashi Sashiko I did while I had Covid.

This year, I also completed a masterpiece of embroidery, which I had not done since elementary school. It was using natural dye threads. I learned more than ever the joy and enjoyment of stitches by hand.

I embroidered my signature.

It is unthinkable for me, who was so active and did not have time to sit for a long time before I got ovarian cancer in 1993. At that time, I was going all over the place doing things like scuba diving and skydiving.

After I recovered from ovarian cancer, I started studying and teaching macrobiotics and started traveling here and there again.
Then, in 2001, I was left bedridden after a near-death car accident.
The doctor diagnosed I couldn’t even walk and would be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life. Before the car accident, I went to a ceramic studio two or three times a week but could not do it anymore.

I had to learn to find joy and enjoy my life by doing things I could do while sitting in my wheelchair.
Without this challenge, I might not have been able to sit down and slowly hand-stitchche Sashiko and write my books and blogs.

In 2017, I was diagnosed with stage IV lymphoma and was given less than a month to live.
I was shocked to hear I got another cancer. I knew I was grieving losing my precious service dog, Kula, and my husband and I had closed our Seed Kitchen restaurant six months before. I was extremely exhausted from eight years in the restaurant business.

At the same time, I felt it was time to initiate my life again connection with myself; otherwise, I would have lost it. I slowed down and found even a moment of joy each day with myself when I was taking chemotherapy.

One of the things I found is how to live by creating my hand and making something I can enjoy and share with others.

Amid all these challenges, I am overwhelmed by the peace of mind that allows me to accept the changes in my body and mind and do what I can little by little.

Lately, I’ve been thinking that maybe it was planned for me to lead this way of life ever since I broke the sewing machine my mother bought, and my life is annica and impermanent.

Embroided and Sashiko stitched over my eco-print fabric on my 30 years old pillow case fabric.

I observe my breath one breath at a time and do Sashiko as I live my life one stitch at a time.

Sashiko stitched with Sakura (cherry blossom) dye thread and created booties.

As we move into the Year of the Snake 2025, I wish everyone a year filled with wisdom, growth, and good fortune.
I hope to support your healing continuously, even in a small way.

Love,

Sanae❤️

P.S. I am grateful to be able to teach my first sashiko class at Japanese American Culture Community Center (JACCC).
https://jaccc.org/events/sashiko-basics-introduction-workshop-for-beginners/

Rice stitches.