Self-Care for Grieving after My Beloved Dog, Happy’s Departure 

After five days of rain and wind storms last week, the sun was shining brightly, and the blue skies reflected it.
Usually, I would feel refreshed by the sunshine and blue skies, but my heart was still in darkness as the storm continued.

My beloved dog granddaughter, Happy, who was always by my side, suddenly became unwell and passed away to heaven on the last day of the rainstorm. Just writing this makes me feel a tightening pain in my chest.

My heart is aching, and I have empty, hollow feelings.

I am not ready to write about Happy much. 

All I can say now is…Happy was my big-hearted, kind, tolerant, and sweet dog granddaughter.
She was always by my side, like my shadow.
She followed me even if I just went to the next room to get something.
When he couldn’t see me, he wandered around looking for me.
I feel like a ghost now, without a shadow.

I only remember a little of what I did the day she departed seven days ago. 

*Seven days is call “Shonanoka” in a Buddhist service held on the seventh day after death. This is when the deceased crosses the River Styx (4000km – 2485.485 miles wide)  after she passes 3200km/1988.388mile long steep mountain.  Depending on her behavior during life, the stream of the river will change. So, the deceased’s family gather and honor her, sharing good memories and thoughts so that she will receive a gentle stream. I wrote about it on my blog

https://sanaesuzuki.com/2016/08/09/kula-golden-retriever-life-with-her-cancer-part-4/

 

I started to look at Happy’s most recent photos and Videos. Unfortunately, I did not have many photos of Happy in the last six months. I only took one photo with her (that’s the cover photo).
I was taking more photos of Lumi (Happy’s mom) because she is older and has health issues, so I thought Lumi was going to heaven sooner than Happy.
I wanted to see Happy’s photos of when she was a puppy, but it was too painful so I could not do it.

Happy left, Lumi (Happy’s mom) and me New Year’s day 2024

 

Even though I had studied animal communication, animal behavior, nutrition, and animal spiritual energy for many years, I did not notice that Happy was not feeling well.

It was a shock. I should have known if she had the health condition.
Now that she’s gone, I feel overwhelmed with guilt.

I also felt so bad for Happy’s mother, Lumi, who could not look at and come close to Happy after Happy died.

Three other Happy’s family all looked sad but came close to her and Snif.

I wanted to set up an altar for Happy with the Buddhist traditional “Goku (Five basics),” offering incense, lanterns, flowers, food, and purified water. 

Happy’s color was orange, so Eric and I went to the local flower shop with Kai (Happy’s nephew), even though it was still raining a little bit, to get orange flowers. 

I set up the altar with a candle, incense, orin (Buddhist bell), water, her favorite blueberry cookies with flowers, etc. I lit the candle and incense, rang the bells, and prayed.

I don’t even remember now what I worshiped. I only remember that I just put my hands together (gasshou).

After that, I put on the music that Happy and I had been listening to, cried a lot, and meditated together for an hour.
I hugged Eric and the dog and cat family over and over again.

 

On the second day, the Sun came out powerfully, as if so much rain was a lie.

I was moving mechanically, not wanting to do anything.

But when I looked at all of Happy’s family, I took them out for a walk as usual without thinking. The first walking team is Happy’s mom, Lumi and Happy’s nephew, Kai. 

Happy used to walk with them, so my heart was not there with me, and the deep inside of me was numb, but I felt that Happy was walking with us.

When I returned home, there was a voice message from a *CSC (Cancer Support Community) blood cancer member that she wouldn’t be at the Zoom meeting, so if I was going to be there, she wanted me to let the group know.

*The CSC (Cancer Support Community) Blood Cancer group, which I joined about seven years ago when I got stage IV Lymphoma Cancer.

It has been helping me to hear what other people are going through physically and emotionally with their blood cancer and get more information about treatments, hospitals, oncologists, etc. 

I was trying to decide if I was up to be on Zoom/seeing other people.

I wanted to see how my long-time friend, John, was doing after his last chemotherapy. Ironically, John came to see me when I was taking chemotherapy for stage IV lymphoma, and three years later, he got lymphoma. I invited him to join the CSC’s Blood Cancer meeting, and he has been attending.

 

I knew the Zoom meeting had started, and time was passing. My heart said, I want to attend the Zoom meeting.

I clicked on Zoom connection. Previously, when I was late joining the meeting, I did not get a call to share till the end of the meeting, but the facilitator asked me how I was doing after the person speaking when I joined.

I was not expecting to share so soon; I did not know what to say.

My breath caught, and I checked. I had to think for a moment about what to say.

I said, “One of the members of CSC left a voice message to ask me to convey the message, and I also wanted to see how John is doing…” 

I started crying and said, “I am sorry, I am not myself today….”

I corrected what I said and continued, “Actually, I am myself.” 

I took a deep breath and said, “My dog daughter, Happy, passed away about 24 hours ago.”

My tears came down, and I could not stop crying. I felt my heart was aching.

The pain that feels like my chest is being torn apart.

I took another deep breath.

“I am grieving and feeling guilt for Happy that I may not have done the right things for her needs since I thought her mother, Lumi, was going to die before her, and I was focusing on Lumi more than Happy in the last six months.” 

“I am so sorry, Happy!”

I blew my nose, then said,  

“I am in so much pain, and tremendous sadness of tsunami is coming into my whole being.”

When I lost someone, including an animal family, during a previous grieving period time, I grieved so much. It must have lowered my immune system, and I got cancer twice.

One was after my father passed, I got ovarian cancer. The other one was 6 months after my beloved dog’s daughter, who was my service dog, Kula, passed, I got stage IV lymphoma.

 

So, I continue sharing on the Zoom CSC meeting.

“In the past, losing someone with whom I had strong connections and unfinished issues or regrets made my strength weak, and my immune system went lower.” 

“I am grieving, and I have a fear of losing my health once again, so I need to look back at what I can improve to cope with grieving and self-care.”

 

As I looked back, I realized my experience of grieving has different shapes and colors depending on who passed away. 

When my mother passed away, I was sad, and I grieved, of course, but I communicated with her to accept who she was and also let her know who I was to her before she passed away so I had peace later on.

Since living in America, I have sent a family of 16 animals to heaven.
Raising animals is not an easy task, and I was sad when they left.
But with the animal family that I was able to communicate with and connect with, grief was like a big wave in the ocean that I could surf, and I didn’t drown. I missed them and at the same time accepted their departure.

 

I looked back; how did I do when my father and Kula passed away? 

When my father passed away: 

I could not communicate with my father before he passed away.

I knew his health was not well, so I visited him one month before he passed away in Japan. I went to his favorite restaurant with my sister and we had a good time. 

I called him at the airport before departing to return to America, but he did not answer and never called me back. His secretary said he was on a business trip so that he would contact me later, but he never did.

When I received a phone call three weeks later that he was in critical condition and went to see him in Japan the next day, he was already unconscious and passed away eight hours later. 

I had to return to Japan to help my mother and deal with the situation at my father’s business company seven times in one year. 

The extreme stress did not give me a space for me to grieve.
I got so exhausted.
Then, the following year, my first husband filed for divorce, and one of my dogs, whom I rescued on the street, died. Then, I had to foreclose my condo when I lost money on the divorce.

I was grieving and so much stress, but not knowing I was. I started to lose my health and got ovarian cancer.

 

When my beloved dog’s daughter, who was my service dog, Kula, passed away, 

Eric (my current husband) and I tried to save our restaurant Seed Kitchen, but the landlord and realtor did not help us at all. We lost the lease, and the realtor sued us. We had to close the restaurant after Kula died.

Eric and I argued so much about the restaurant those days. I was focusing on accommodating the restaurant customers, employees, my students and clients.

I had no time for proper grieving till and for resting much. All I was doing was repairing our damage after closing the restaurant. Six months later, I got stage IV lymphoma.

 

The CSC facilitator asked me, “How do you not get sick/cancer from this grief?”

It is a good point for me to think and address the issues. Healthy grieving is facing the pain and dealing with it. It is work and no shortcut.

How do I do that?

I checked the blog I wrote about grieving in 2016 when Kula passed.

https://sanaesuzuki.com/2017/02/01/grief/

I was not aware of grief till much later since I was taking care of the restaurant we had at that time, and we lost it, so it was more than just losing Kula.

It took time to see that I was grieving over losing our restaurant, which had been one of our dreams.

Another was rebuilding my relationship with Eric after it got ripped off because of the stress of keeping and closing the restaurant.

 

We all have weak links in ourselves.

I realized my weakest link, which was when I lost someone, something that it meant to me and I could not accept, which led to grief, drained my immune system, and l lost my health. 

This time, I admit that I am going through grieving as soon as Happy departure.

I am releasing my grief by connecting with “*Pet Loss Support Group” and starting to work on my healing journals.

*Pet Loss Support Group

https://www.lapoflove.com/our-services/pet-loss-support

 

I face the weakest point and need to change it to my strength.

Cry when I need to.

Work on guilt, regret, blame, fear, anger, and connection to forgive, especially me. 

Softening the pain – talking to people who can support and respect my feelings and tell me the right words.

Writing is one of my tools to heal myself, so I want to write about how I give myself “Self-Care.” 

Continue daily walking with the dog family, art, and gardening, being nature as usual.

Herbal tea and Bach flower remedies for sadness/grieving, moxibustion, reiki, massage, and herbal aroma baths, etc.
I take care of myself with a lot of “self-care.”

 

I planted Grevillea Superb (it has orange color flowers since orange was Happy’s color) bush tree (Happy loved a bush plant) in the front side garden with Eric.

 

I haven’t been able to communicate much with Happy since she passed away, but I heard her voice while I was planting Grevillea Superb. 

“Mommy, what a beautiful flowers for me. I love the orange color!”

“I am happy that you decided that no surgery proceed and took me home from the cardiologist so I could go to heaven from the home where I was born.

Happy leaving the cardiologist’s office without surgery

 

I know you wished we had a little more time after we returned from the cardiologist, and me too. But my heart was not strong enough to live anymore.”

“I thank you so much for all you did; 

I was the happiest dog since you were my everything and are the one I lived for.

I learned to spread joy and love because you gave me joy and love every day. “

“You taught me how to help heal other people.”

“I hope you continue to take care of your health and live a much longer life so I may return to be with you.”

“Right now, I am also shocked that I had to leave. 

I know you are in shock and feeling guilty. 

But Mommy, you looked at my face when I left; I was not in pain, and I was a beautiful girl as you always told me.”

Happy’s face right after she depatured

 

“You and Daddy took care of me so well.”

“I thank you so much!”

“I will see you again, either there on the earth or in heaven for sure, until we see each other again next time.”  

“By the way, I am using my dog mom, Lumi’s body, to visit you, which you may have already noticed.”

“I heard you said, 「Lumi is getting up without our help and following everywhere I go, just like Happy.” (Lumi has arthritis and has not been able to get up on her own much) 

“Lumi is sleeping soundless without snoring like Happy” (Lumi snored so much all the time while she is sleeping)) and “Lumi is drooling just like Happy when she wants something to eat and waiting.” (Lumi never drooled)

That’s right, Mommy, I am there with you in my dog Mom Lumi’s body.

Now you know how much I want to be there with you!”

” Thank you for cookies, clean water (Happy liked only clean water), candles, incense, and beautiful flower bouquets!

I am so blessed and loved because I am your girl forever!”

 

I looked up at the sky and hugged her spirit!
And told her,
“Happy- Arigatou!
You did a great job giving me and everyone joy, love, and happiness
I am so happy you came into my life.
Thank you for always being by my side!
I’m looking forward to seeing you again.”

I am so grateful that Happy communicated with me.

When I am ready, I want to write a tribute to Happy’s life: her story with photos. Set up a memorial in Happy’s honor.

Today is Happy’s first 7th day (*Shonanoka), so I would like to hold a memorial service for her in my own way.

*Shonanoka

Shonanona is a Buddhist service held on the seventh day after death. This is when the deceased crosses the River Styx (4000km – 2485.485 miles wide)  after she passes 3200km/1988.388mile long steep mountain.  Depending on her behavior during life, the stream of the river will change. So, the deceased’s family gather and honor her, sharing good memories and thoughts so that she will receive a gentle stream.

I post it on my blog 

https://sanaesuzuki.com/2016/08/09/kula-golden-retriever-life-with-her-cancer-part-4/

My gratitude to Happy with all my heart!

Love,

Sanae ❤️

How I Care for Myself When I Got Sick with “Covid”

Covid came to the world over two years ago, and many people’s guard has been down.

I was cautious with my health since I was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin’s large B-cell lymphoma stage IV and received aggressive chemotherapy “Epoch,” which calls red devil. 

Because of Covid, I saw limited people, did not go many places, and only offered classes online and outdoors.

But I got Covid three weeks ago. 

I had a high fever, headache, dizziness, cough, and nausea.

The fever took about ten days, but I was too weak for another ten days.

Finally, I am getting better now.

Blood cancer directly affects making antibodies. I had low antibodies to fight Covid because I had lymphoma, one of the blood cancers.

Also, I received aggressive chemotherapy “Epoch,” I have been getting blood tests resulting in low red and white blood cells and low platelets, which has not been issued in everyday life, but not fighting Covid.  

I received chemotherapy because I realized holistic medicine and macrobiotic approaches could not stop growing cancer quickly enough. I received Epoch Chemotherapy because the cancer was advanced.

I post some blogs during my treatments. Here is one.

One year after I received the chemotherapy, I got in remission and had been able to live my life comfortably.

The following year will be the five-year mark which is a big goal.

My oncologist Dr. Mead told me that my blood tests showed minor issues: low platelets etc., which have been a little low after Epoch chemotherapy, and she also said it is not an issue for me to worry, so rest when I am tired and keep up what I have been doing to nurture myself. 

Dr. Mead does not understand macrobiotics or holistic medicine and modalities, but she has always been supportive and never judged what I practice.

I consult with her if there is concern about what I am doing with my diet, medicinal herbs, or supplements.

I heard that blood cancer, like lymphoma, has no or low antibodies to fight Covid even after vaccinations.

I was extra careful, but unfortunately, my husband got Covid at work on September 3rd, and I got it on September 5th. 

He had a fever, nasal mucus, stuffed nose, sore throat, joint pain, and cough, but it improved after five days. I had a fever for about ten days, a cough, headache, dizziness, nausea, fatigue and joint pain. I could not eat much for two weeks, so I lost weight and became too weak. I could not even speak much, could not write and read.

Even watching TV/Movies were not fun because of headache.

Usually, when I get sick, I write, but I could not even write till now.

The three weeks had been so challenging, discouraging, and lonely.

It was time for me to be my best friend once again.

I acknowledge my feeling sucked, down, discouraged, frustrated, setback, and disappointed. 

I noticed that I wanted to blame someone or something. 

I was so careful and did not see many people for a long time. 

I did not like myself and anybody.

Only what helped me was my cats and dogs, who just lay next to me. They were quiet and looked at me. “Mommy, just rest; we are here with you till you get better!”

When my fever went down after ten days, I could go to the outside garden to see how my trees, plants, and flowers were doing. 

They were happy to see me and told me they had been waiting for me. 

I planted some of the trees 37 years ago when I moved here. 

They looked strong, smiled at me, and said, ” We are here for you like you are here for us!”

I remember when I came back to life after three days of coma when I had a near-death car crash, the first thing I wanted to see was the sky, sun, and trees/plants.

There is power great than me is there with nature.

I appreciate my husband, Eric, for caring about me when I get sick, but this time he got Covid too.

His fever went down for five days, but he did not feel better for at least seven days.

I did my best to care for him for the first two days very carefully before I got sick. But I think I was already exposed to Covid before his symptoms came out.

I found out later he was not wearing his mask at work; I was shocked and upset with him, but I could not tell him. 

I was too fatigue to speak. I also did not know what/how to tell him. I know he did not mean to get Covid and gave it to me.

I kept that feeling for two weeks and contacted my therapist. It was good to tell how I was feeling to someone. I also shared my feeling with Cancer Support Community meeting on Zoom.

I was able to share my feeling with my husband. He promised to wear his mask at work no matter what, and now he is also taking a shower when he comes home.

After communicating with my husband, my negative feelings are lifted. I felt much better and could eat more, and I started noticing that I was recovering from Covid.

Today was the first day I felt so much better and had almost no headache, so here I am writing. 

Writing always helps me sort out my feelings and release/detox unwanted emotions during a crisis. 

I went to my garden and saw birds (doves, hummingbirds, and many little birds), butterflies, caterpillars, spiders, grasshoppers, squirrels, and ants. 

 

I am grateful for recovering from Covid, another health challenge, and for writing my blog.

Here is the list of how I care myself:

  1. Rest, rest, and sleep
  2. Cuddle dogs/cats family and communicate with them 
  3. Miso scallion remedy and Daikon ginger for fever
  4. Tofu plaster and Cabbage leaves for forehead to reduce fever
  5. Loquat leaves body scrub and cool towel compress
  6. Lotus root tea for cough
  7. Echinacea tea
  8. Lemon, ginger, turmeric, and sea salt remedy
  9. Elderberry tea
  10. Mullen, Mashmallow, Astragalus, and Nettle tea
  11. Foot bath, massage my feet and hands
  12. Homeopathic medicine
  13. Acknowledge my feelings, especially not to denial of my negative emotions: sad, lonely, fear of not getting better, overwhelmed, and anger
  14. Bach Flower remedies
  15. No socialization to talk to most of people ( I was too fatigued to speak)
  16. Meditation (mostly laying down)
  17. Be a best friend to me
  18. Laydown outside to receive a little Sun Vitamin D
  19. Talk to my therapist
  20. Share at self-support group (Cancer Support Community)
  21. Let my husband know my feelings
  22. I did not have an appetite, so I ate comfort foods(rice cream with nori tsukudani condiment, pancakes,  melon, berries, steamed cake etc.)
  23. Contact my doctor and took blood tests
  24. Took supplements of Chlorophyll, Vitamin C, D, and Standard Process of Echinacea Premium, Epimune Complex, and Andrographis Complex
  25. Stay in my garden to connect with nature
  26. Walk outside little bit with dogs when I felt I could walk 

Love,

Sanae ❤️

Online Bach Flower Remedy Classes in Japanese

Since the Covid/Pandemic year of 2020,
the world has been threatened with fear, anxiety, irritability, loneliness, depression, and increasing domestic violence.

For more reasons, I felt strongly that we now need to connect within ourselves and focus on self-care by receiving holistic natural healing support from Bach Flower Remedy. Finding out and understanding your own feelings/mind/emotions are essential.
I am grateful that I offered my first online Bach Flower Remedy classes in Japanese from March to May 2022.

It was my first time teaching five series of Bach Flower Classes also.
I have been living in America for a long time.
Teaching in my native language, Japanese, gave me the experience of the ability to understand feelings and the mind deeper, which exposed my heart core.
I deepened my childhood favorites to open up to my life when I started to teach the class.
My heart felt so much gratitude.
I appreciate the people who took the classes and Masayo, who made these classes happen.

I shared many of my actual experiences for people to understand flower remedies.
I had so much fun sharing the flowers (some of them were the same flowers of Bach Flower Remedy) that I was growing each class.
Case study every class was so helpful; I used movie scenes/characters as case studies.
I gave one case study: 
Will Smith and Chris Rock’s 2022 Oscars Incident Over Jada Pinkett Smith – which was so realistic to understand how to choose Bach Flower Remedy.

Live classes ended, but these classes are still available to take/watch by the archive.
Homework, questions, and comments are all answered by me when you send your email to sanaehealing@gmail.com.
The detail and link are here.

Bach Flower Remedy’s gentle support has helped me for many years (since 1993), many times, hundreds of times, and thousands of times.

I hope I can offer the classes in English near future.

Love, Sanae❤️

What is Bach Flower Remedy for people who do not know about it.

Bach Flower Remedies are made with wildflowers and plants energies transcripted to water.

There are 38 remedies in the Bach remedy system. All of them were discovered in the 1920s and 1930s by Dr Edward Bach, a well-known bacteriologist, physician, and pathologist.

Each remedy is associated with a basic human emotion. Mimulus, for example, is for when we are anxious or afraid about something specific. Taking the remedy helps us overcome our fear and face it with courage.

The remedies are in liquid form so that you can mix together the remedies you need to help balance your current emotional situation. Like Dr. Bach, we believe that healing on an emotional level has knock-on effects on other levels. A healthy emotional life and a balanced personality will allow your body to find its own natural state of health.

Dr. Bach designed his system to be simple. It may seem daunting at first, but anybody can learn how to use it. On this site, you will find all you need to get you started. We have pages where you can look up every remedy and find out what they are for. Other pages tell you how to select and take the remedies. Below you will find how they are made, and we have lots of recommendations for further reading if you want to know more.

Sources from the Bach Center, home of Dr. Edward Bach

My Bach Flower Remedy Story

I was first introduced to Bach Flower Remedies in 1993 after being diagnosed with ovarian cancer.

I did not yet know anything about Dr. Bach or Flower Remedies.

When my acupuncturist recommended that I take four drops of Rescue Remedies every day whenever I felt stressed, I didn’t realize I was under the harmful effects of stress. But thinking back, I see that the anxiety and stress of finding out I had cancer was perhaps more deadly than the disease itself.

I had no medical insurance for treatment or surgery in America, and my family in Japan could not help me, as my father had just passed away from his cancer.

I was compelled to seek a path of self-healing holistically.

I researched and made an appointment with a macrobiotic counselor in Los Angeles.

After the counseling, I started taking cooking classes, making healing food, and using herbs and holistic medicine.

And I also tried acupuncture for a short time; I remembered that when I was growing up in Japan, my parents used acupuncture to boost their strength, so I thought it might help me.

The acupuncturist who introduced me to Rescue Remedies did not explain much about Bach Flower remedy, but I was motivated to try any holistic approach to healing.

I was only 38 years old and had just separated from my first husband, and I wanted to do so much with my life.

My decision to heal was solid, so I told myself, “No matter what, I am overcoming this challenge so that I can move on to my wonderful life.”

A few days after I started taking Rescue Remedies, I noticed that I could drive more calmly, even in the heaviest of traffic. I came home from work feeling more peaceful and could sleep better.

I thought to myself, could this little bottle of drops be helping?

I wanted to know what was inside the bottle, so I went back to the natural food store where I got it.

I bought my first Bach Flower Remedies book, Bach Flower Essences for the Family. 

It was so fascinating for me to find out for the first time how flowers’ healing powers help our emotions and mental issues.

I could not stop reading it and felt like trying all the remedies!

I decided to study Bach Flower Remedies someday when I recovered from ovarian cancer.

I started to study and became a registered practitioner in 1995 and became Bach Flower Registered Practioner of BFRP in 2005.

I have been using Bach Flower Remedy for myself, my family (including my dogs and cats), and my friends, to help their emotional and mental balance.

I also offer Bach Flower Remedy counseling. 

I recommend Bach Flower Remedy to my clients who come for macrobiotic nutrition counseling.    

I have seen so much benefit for most people in their emotional/mental challenging, which they get a smoother transition to healing their physical conditions.

Bach Flower Remedy counseling, here

Animal Communication: Red Berry Bird

Nature is showing me kindness with strong-mindedness.
Connecting with nature is always vital for me to understand my life.

I have been going to North Fork, California (60 miles south of Yosemite National park) for over 15 years.
When I visited North Fork for the first time, I felt that this was where I wanted to cleanse my soul. 

Springwater fills out my thirst for healing.
Sky with free spirits cloud dancing.
The scent of earth and forest lift my mind.
Hundreds of years old oak and ponderosa pine trees, creeks, and lakes give me strength.
And constant learning, instincts from wild plants and animals.
I feel that I am a part of nature, and I can support them once in a while.

Eight years ago(in 2013), my maple tree by the gate got hit by a car and broke the main trunk completely.
Everyone said it was not going to survive.
But I really wanted to help so I made special glue with soft-cooked brown rice and barley.
It did not just survive; it became the most beautiful tree to show autumn colors since then.
I am sure all of the people in North Fork and people going to Sierra Vista Scenic Byway enjoy the colors when they drive by.

I wrote this on my blog: Miracle of Maple Tree Recover!

The Maple tree this year.

 

 

We usually stay in North Fork one day or two days, but we stayed four days this time.
We went to Vipassana meditation teacher’s house to meditate together. Visited Sierra Mono Museum and Culture Center.
Had fun at Willow Creek with our dogs’ family.

The morning we were leaving, I was getting ready to pack.
I wanted to get some pine needles to bring back to Santa Monica so I went outside.
I usually use the back door to go outside, but somehow I went out from the front door and found a little bird lying on the front deck.

If I had not gone out from the front door, I might not have seen this bird. I saw a small red berry near her which I believed this bird had with her mouth. (I had no idea if this bird was a girl or boy, but I felt the bird was a girl).
I first thought this bird was dead, but her feather was moving slightly when I looked carefully.
My heart was full of the rescue mission.
I started to hold her gently and apply Animal Reiki right away without thinking.
I called my husband, Eric, to ask him to bring Bach Flower Remedy “Rescue Remedy”. I put the rescue remedy 4 drops around the bird’s feet, put another 4 drops on my palm, and held her again.

 

Then, next, my instinct brought the bird to sunlight filtering through the trees.

 

As I hold her gently, I chant softly, “Arigaotu, arigatou, arigatou (Thank you in Japanese).”


She opened her eyes calmly but closed eyes again; she was weak. 


I continued Animal Reiki for a while, then she sat with her feet and came close to me.
I whispered to the bird, “I love you. You get well.”
The bird closed its eyes like relief.


I felt that the bird needed more time to heal, and I still had to pack to leave for Santa Monica, so I created an area with soft dried leaves and moved her to rest while I was packing.
I let her know, “I am sorry. I need to go inside the house for a little bit.
I will come back shortly.
I hope you are ok.”
She was content.
I went inside the house to pack.

While I was packing, I was praying for the bird to get better every minute.
When I came back to the bird, I hold her carefully.
She opened her eyes.


I gave Animal Reiki again and the bird closed eyes to rest more.

About 4 hours passed since I found the bird.

The bird could sit for a while now, but she was still very weak and not moving at all. I could tell the bird felt better when I touched her.


I was afraid that some other wild animals would attack or eat the bird.
I started to think about bringing the bird to Santa Monica to recuperate and bring her back to release in North Fork later.
But the bird was wild; it might not be appropriate.
I did not know what to do.
I decided to ask the bird through animal communication and she could tell me what was best for her.
I talked to her, ” I am glad to see you are getting better, but I am not sure if you need my help more for you to heal completely or not. Can you show me some sign if you are all right?”
The bird opened its eyes a little bit momentarily, looked at me for a while, and suddenly jumped.


I thought the bird was going to fly but just hopped.
I was surprised, but I have seen many surprised after I learned animal communications.
I understand what just happened.
I followed her slowly.


The bird found the hidden healing place by the side of a hill with dry bushes. It will protect her from wind and rain.
What a wise bird.

 

I found the same red berries that she had when I saw her lying by my feet where I was standing.
I put the two red berries next to her.
She thanked me and said, “You can keep the one I had.”
I said, “I am happy to see you are better and you showed me a sign that you are going to be all right here even after I leave. I will see you again. Thank you for your precious red berry. I treasure it for a long time.”
My tears came down with my warm feeling.
I was not sad.
I was relieved to see the bird was better, and she was able to move to a safe area for her to rest more.

I was thinking of her on the way to Santa Monica.
I felt that the bird was getting all well.

After returning to Santa Monica, I looked up to see what kind of bird I helped. I could not find an exact bird name.
I decided to call the bird Red Berry Bird (RBB).
While writing this blog, I felt that RBB was communicating with me.
I looked up at the sky from my window and closed my eyes.
I saw RRB flying away with red berries that I gave her, saying “Thank you!” to me.
I put the red berry that she gave to me in my palm, my eyes got full of tears.

I wish I could express more detail with my writing to share how I felt when I saw her flying away, but I am overwhelmed even now with so much gratitude.
I close this blog with my respectful gratitude and abundance of love for nature and this red berry bird (RRB) to let me practice my instinct from my heart.

Love, Sanae❤️

Loquat Leaves Body Scrub/Rub

I moved to the house where I live now in 1985.
When I moved, I noticed right away my next neighbor, the older couple, Joe and Virginia, had a big beautiful loquat tree ( I think it was about 20 feet) in their back yard.

I just moved and I did not know them yet, but I had to give my compliment to them about their loquat tree. Joe and Virginia did not know much about loquat except it produce fruits. I told them leaves have health benefits in Japan and Asia. 

The loquat trees that I see here in the Santa Monica area produce smaller and little sour fruit than those I saw and tasted in Japan.  But I am grateful to see loquat trees are here.

I got loquat leaves from Virginia and made tea and extract for wound and skin inflammation like my mother made in Japan. Later, I got a seedling of a loquat tree from the next neighbor and started to grow my own loquat tree in my garden. It took time to grow, but it has been growing well and I have been using their leaves for making medicinal teas, skin compresses, medicinal hot water for body scrub/rub, and moxibustion treatment.

Loquat tree in my garden

Photo: Loquat tree in my garden with morning sunlight

* Loquat (<i>Eriobotrya japonica</i> Lindl.) is a subtropical fruit tree with high medicinal value native to China. Different organs of loquat have been used historically as folk medicines and this has been recorded in Chinese history for thousands of years.

** Also, Loquat leaves are listed for their health benefits in Japanese Pharmacopoeia (Nippon Yakkyoku-hō,) the official record of approved medicinal herbs, published by the Government of Japan since 1886.

* sauce from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5187783/

** sauce from https://wawaza.com/pages/how-to-make-loquat-leaves-tea-biwa-cha-japanese-way/

 

Loquat flowers are modest-looking and the color is very pale cream.  It is the season right now to bloom here.

Loquat flower bud spread

Photo: Loquat flower buds

Loquat flowers

Photo: Loquat’s blossoms

Loquat flower finished

Photo: When loquat flowers completed

Most people here in America don’t know much about loquat leaves benefits so I want to introduce what I use for it every day as body/rub today here. I will write about loquat tea some other time.

Generally, in macrobiotics practice, we recommend body scrub/rub.
The body scrub/rub helps activate circulation and better energy flow through the entire body. It helps to discharge excess fat accumulated under the skin and open pores to promote smooth and regular elimination of any toxins. It also promotes clean, clear skin.
The body scrub/rub can be done once or twice daily, in the morning and/or at night, before or after a shower or bath, but apart from it.

I add loquat leaves because in Japan, where I grew up using loquat leaves as a traditional cure for preventing and treating respiratory ailments and have many benefit of preventing and treating respiratory ailments.
Also, loquat leaves contain compounds demonstrated to lower blood lipid and sugar levels and alleviate inflammatory skin conditions, including atopic dermatitis (eczema.)

I love the earthy greenish  (when you use fresh leaves) aroma of loquat leaves when I apply scrub/rub to my face and body every morning. 

I did it when I was taking chemotherapy, when I broke my legs, when I was going through PTSD, when I was feeling “shit” and sad, and loquat leaves body scrub/rub always have helped me and lift me up to start my day.

If you are going through your hands/fingers or legs with side effects from chemotherapy (neuropathy, nerve pain, numbness, or weakness) like I did or/and other medications,  you soak your hands and legs in loquat leaves hot water (it should be very hot, but not too hot to get burn yourself) and rub/massage them inside the hot water.

Doctors don’t know this kind of holistic healing method so if you ask them, they might not recommend it. You are taking medication so you have to do this for yourself with commitment.  It works for me so I do this every day. I hope you try it for at least three months and get the benefit.

Loquat pot

Photo: This is my pot to make loquat leaves hot water. It has changed the color and shows a loquat presence.

Here is how to make and apply medicinal loquat leaves hot water for body scrub/rub:

  1. Add two heaping tablespoons of loquat leaves (dried or fresh) to 4 cups of cold water in a stainless pot.
  2. Heat to a full, rolling boil.
  3. Turn heat down and let simmer for 15~20 minutes.
  4. Strain the leaves and put medicinal liquid in a bowl of glass or stainless  (not plastic).

    Loquat leave hot water

    Photo: My loquat tree leaves and its medicinal warm water is ready for body scrub/rub with organic hemp fabric washcloth that I have been using for many years.

  5. When you can put your hands in, then dip your organic washcloth (cotton or hemp), squeeze or wring out excess liquid and start scrub/rub your whole body one section at a time and dip the cloth and squeeze or wring out the liquid again. 
  6. If it gets cold, must heat it.
  7. I start from my face, ears, neck, shoulders, chest, arms, hands, fingers, belly, back (you might need a longer cloth if you want to do it all by yourself), thighs, legs, feet, toes, and I go back up and also do the area I have pain, pressure, or discomfort. 
  8. The skin should become pink or slightly red. This result may take a few days to achieve if the skin is clogged with accumulated fats.

 

For your animal family:

When you apply loquat leaves scrub/rub for animals (puppies/dogs & kittens/cats) make medicinal hot water shorter simmering time of 5 ~ 10 minutes to make it less intense and make sure to cool it down so it is not too hot for them. If they taste or drink it, there is no harm, but if they are especially puppies and kittens, I will not encourage them to drink because it might be too stimulating. After all, their digestive system is too venerable.

It is beneficial if your animal has skin issues and fleas’ itchiness. It will soothe their skin and help and preventing fleas if you apply every day.

Especially, puppies and kittens up till 1-year-old at least are fragile and fleas love their skin. I would never recommend any chemical flea treatments and flea shampoo to puppies and kittens so instead, I gave them gentle scrub/rub using this loquat leaves warm water for them after I comb with a  flea comb. I will write about this subject another time that how much these chemical is harming our beloved animal family.

Below is Lani, who is four months old, getting loquat leaves body scrub/rub and he enjoyed it so much and was getting sleepy. You can see the liquid I made for him is much lighter than the one I use for me above photo.

Lani is receiving body scrub

Photo: Lani is receiving body scrub/rub and so relaxed

I do this for myself every morning, almost no matter what.
I also recommend and offer it for my family including animal family, friends, and my clients, whenever I can.

If you do not have loquat leaves, you can scrub/rub your body with sea salt hot water: 4 cups hot water with one tablespoon sea salt. For animals, use one teaspoon sea salt.

If you do not have sea salt then just do with hot /warm water.

I know that scrub/rub helps my skin and my bloodstream move smoothly and purify and activate my blood. Also, help my animal family getting benefits for their health.

I hope this blog helps you and your animal family’s health.

Love,

Sanae ❤️

My New Path…

Writing makes me feel most connected with my soul.
But I was not able to write for over one year.

When I was going through challenging times, I usually write my journals.

After I was diagnosed with only weeks live with Stage IV Lymphoma Non-Hodgkin of the liver in the spring of 2017.
(I wrote about it on https://www.sanaesuzuki.com/2017/06/08/only-weeks-to-live/)

Holistic medicine and macrobiotic healing foods were not helping to shrink cancer as before because the cancer was spreading too fast. Hence, I decided to take chemotherapy to save my life. The pain of the liver got worst, and I was not able to bear. All I could do was closing my eyes, breathing, and lying down every day. The nights I could not sleep, I just laid and wrote often and posted my blogs and sent newsletters to link in with my friends and people who were supporting me. The writing was also a way to protect me from my loneliness and fear.

After completed six cycles of chemotherapy, I was getting better physically slowly, and  I started to do a few things that I could not do while I was in chemo. Then, I did more and more physical work, and I lost the time to write.

I have been posting Instagram and Facebook with short descriptions, but I love writing with detail.
I realized that taking the time to write how I feel and what I do and share my photos carefully is my style, so writing a blog and send newsletter was something I enjoy.
There are many reasons I lost touch with writing my blog and sending newsletters.
Whatever the reason I have had, I just wanted to get it back on again and looking for my new path. I wish I could pick up where I left without any reservation, but in my case, I needed motivation.

I have been taking art classes from Santa Monica College Emeritus off and on for a while.  It took time after all the chemotherapy treatments, but when I got the strength back, I went back to retake Calligraphy class. I just did what I could,  so mostly nothing serious, and just for fun.

At the end of the last year, I found out that I may be able to enter my artwork for the Student Art Exhibition.  The exhibition was for spring 2020, and the due date was February 2020, so I wanted to try it even my artwork was chosen or not.

But I was going through another challenging time of PTSD (PTSD from my childhood and also near-death car crash, etc. ) at the beginning of the year, so I did not think I could put together my artwork. I am a turtle, so I am not a fast pace person to do anything. I need a decent time and focus for me to finish my artwork.

When I get PTSD, I have nightmares, and I am not able to do much nor go out nor talk to people. I also cry and get moody a lot and not able to focus.

Sanae with Leo IMG_0916

Photo: with my dog son, Leo

 

I was feeling disappointed at myself, and I was just about giving up on my artwork; I got lots of love support from my animal family, especially from Leo, who was one of my dog sons.
He had health conditions of nasal cancer for more than one year and also vestibular disease condition, which caused him not able to get up his own. Still, when I worked on my artwork, he wanted to be with me in my art room and stayed until I was satisfied to finish my artwork each time. That is how I was able to complete my artwork and submit it on time. I was not sure it was good enough for the Student Art Exhibition, but it did not matter because, in the end, I had fun creating and spend time with Leo. When I sent my artwork with an original frame I have asked to make. Leo smiled at me and he said, “Mommy, good job!”.

thumbnail-1

Photo: with Keith of GRAYHORSE PICTURE FRAMING http://www.grayhorsepictureframing.com

Three weeks later, I found out that they chose my artwork. I was very thrilled and told Leo that because of him, my artwork would be at the Exhibition.

He said that he already knew it and he was delighted.

I got a big idea of making a plan to invite everyone who supported me for my recovery if they could come to the Student Art Exhibition opening reception in April.

I was so excited, but the pandemic happened, and the exhibition got cancel.

My big idea of seeing some of you in person and able to say “Thank you!” directly did not work.
I understand that so many people died and got sick.  Coronavirus pandemic has not solved yet, and still many people are going through so many challenges, and many other issues are coming to must change the last few months.
Many people are standing up valuable to move the country and the world toward a new normal a future better than the old dysfunctional “normal.”
I wish I could do more to help others, but my focus is to do my best to take care of myself to stay healthy and safe right now, and this is my contribution to others, and this is my new normal.

Leo departed on May 24th peacefully in his sleep.
I miss him a lot.
He taught me so much how to fulfill life, and he told me that “Mammy, just be,” which sometimes means being irritable, exciting, tired, sad, and worry.
It is all good because they are all of you, and deep down inside, you are happy and content no matter what.
He is continuously teaching me.

Soon after his departure, I received a letter about Santa Monica College Emeritus Student Art Exhibition will be Online.
Online means not only people who can come to the exhibition but anybody from all over the world can see my artwork and see my new path.

Wow!

I think Leo did it.

Emeritus art exhibition online. 150+ artworks on view by Emeritus students.

A live Zoom Launch Event — hosted by Emeritus Associate Dean Dr. Scott Silverman and Emeritus Gallery Curator Jesse Benson — was recorded when it was held on June 25.

Here are a link and info on how to see my artwork.

View the recorded Zoom event: Launch Event for Emeritus Student Art Exhibition 2020 Online

View Artwork and Artists: Emeritus Student Art Exhibition 2020 Online

 

In case you are not able to see this Online Exhibition, here is a photo of my artwork close up and detail.

My New Path only Lotus

Photo: Watercolor Hanga with lotus root

Title: My New Path

Medium: Watercolor and Sumi Ink

Size: 14″h x 11″w x 3/4″d
The frame is white birch and linen material (you see the bottom photo).

It is a simple watercolor of Hanga print with lotus root and Sumi ink calligraphy with my haiku poem. My aiming was “Zen modest state to find a new path to move forward”

 

My New Path only calligraphy

Photo: my haiku poem with Skim letters

The letter of calligraphy style is Akim.
(Akim is created by German calligrapher, sculptor, and musician, Hans-Joachim Burgert. This lovely, gentle hand that is said to replicate the rhythm of the human heart) I did not know how Akim was created at first when I started to use it for my calligraphy, but I felt so familiar and it is my favorite calligraphy letter. So I have been using it for my website cover and business card, etc.

I wrote this Haiku Poem for me and everyone to thrive and live a new path (new normal).

I hope you enjoy it and find your new path.

I am grateful to Leo, who gave me the motivation to start writing again.

Wait,
as I was just finishing writing this blog, I received an email from Santa Monica College Emeritus Student Art Exhibition organizer, Jesse Benson.

I can’t believe it.
I had to read a few times to understand the detail: he was asking me to speak at the Online Art Exhibition Opening Reception about my artwork on Thursday, June 25th.

There are over 90 artists and 161 artworks (students can submit up to 2 artworks) in the show.
I heard they only asked a few people to speak.

Is it true they choose me to speak about my artwork?
Amazingly, they want to hear what I did.

Leo must help me again.

My New Path by Sanae Suzuki

Photo: Complete my artwork of “My New Path” with the frame

Now I honestly want everyone to see my artwork; art is one of healing therapy that has been helping me to recover.
Please watch the Online Art Exhibition reception.

I want to finish writing my blog that I was able to finally write after over one year with gratitude for “My New Path!”

I am grateful, thank you from my heart!

Love,

Sanae ❤️