Dog |

Birthday 70!

I have turned 70.
I can’t believe it!

A long time ago, a fortune teller told me I probably live till 60 but do not live long.
I do not believe it seriously, but it stays in my mind when I hear something like that, so I did not forget about it.

Since I was born, I have had many near-death experiences, so it may be a miracle that I am still alive and enjoying a fulfilling life. I try to live each day with gratitude.

Now that I’m 70, I can definitely feel my body aging. I have aches and pains all over my body, and I often find myself looking for things every day because I can’t find them, but for some reason, I feel young at soul and mostly upbeat.
I don’t feel that old yet, so isn’t 70 that old after all?

However, compared to when I was younger, I’ve become calmer, so I guess that’s the benefit of age.
I did many things when I was younger, like skydiving, scuba diving, and bungee jumping.
Now I’m satisfied with my situation, have no desire to do anything extreme, and enjoy relaxing each day.
It may be just me aging.

After my 69th birthday, I told Eric I wanted to go to Europe, specifically Rome (Italy), to celebrate my 70th birthday and made a plan with him.
Going to Rome has been on my bucket list since I saw Audrey Hepburn in “Roman Holiday” when I was 9 years old.

The movie was released in 1953 before I was born, so I do not remember how I watched it, but it must have been with my father since he loved to see foreign movies and took me to many French movies, too.

In 1997, I went to Europe for three weeks alone, cooking at macrobiotic centers and helping out at cooking classes. I also went to several places in Italy, but my luggage was stolen on the train from Venice to Rome, so I didn’t go to Rome. Eric didn’t go to Rome when he was working in Italy, so I showed him Audrey Hepburn’s “Roman Holiday,” he liked the scene where she toured Rome on a Vespa.

But our beloved eldest golden retriever, Lumi, is 15 years old.

Lumi two weeks ago at dog family gathering.

She had a heart attack in December and a weakened lung in February, so we don’t know how long she can live.
Lumi still eats well and lives a relaxed life but needs help getting up because of arthritis. We tried to get her to wear diapers, but she didn’t like it. She has a pride who gets up and tries to go outside to the bathroom, even in a diaper.
But I understand how she feels.
She takes homeopathic and Chinese medicine every day. I massage her legs and spine daily and give her moxibustion, making her feel good.
She’s a precious family member, so we do our best to make sure she lives his life to the fullest.

So, we decided not to go to Rome or Europe.
Eric asked me what I wanted to do for my 70th birthday.

My favorite thing to do is to spend time in nature with my whole family: Eric, our dogs (Lumi, Nalu, Kai, Lani, Makani), and our cats (Tin Tin and Mai Mai).

I asked Eric to take all of us on a camping trip to one of our favorite places, Morro Bay State Park.

Going camping with five dogs and two cats, lots of stuff to prepare their food since we make homemade food for them.
But we’ve been camping before, so we know what to do. It just takes time. We can do it.

We stopped by Santa Barbara on the first day to see our good friend Kelly. She just moved to a lovely new house. She had a big persimmon, loquat, guava, and ginko trees.
Kelly loves to use my organic botanical skincare products ( I have been using my organic botanical skincare products for about 20 years).
I look forward to showing her how to make tinctures there.
She took us for lunch at Santa Barbara Yacht Club.

She gave me glass flower bases for my birthday. The box said “Kin.”
I and my first golden retriever, Kin, met her and her golden retriever, Daisy, at the dog beach in Santa Barbara almost 30 years ago.
I appreciate our friendship so much!

We arrived at Morro Bay State Park just before Sunset after Santa Barbara.
We have come to this camping ground before.
It is near the ocean and the Museum of Natural History.
Makani had never come to this campground, but she had been on a camping trip with us before, so she had fun with her dogs family and the cats were relaxing in the kitty condo.

We brought homemade lentil soup for dinner for us.
We had a simple, delicious meal in the van.
I sew the moon and stars with the ocean wind at night, celebrating my last night in my 60s.

The next morning was supposed to be cooler, but it got warmer, and the sun showed the face and whispered, “Happy 70th Birthday, Sanae.”

As Eric was feeding the dog family breakfast, a couple of people passing by were surprised we had many dogs and said, “Wow, five dogs! Dogs are from God!” I thought right away that maybe living with a dog means being protected by God!

After breakfast, we hiked a little and visited the Morro Bay Museum of Natural History.

There were many elementary kids for their field trip.
Beautiful Morro Bay rock!

I love learning about nature and the local habitat. I did not know that Morro Bay was founded in 1870.

We enjoyed there a lot and got an extraordinary seaweed book.

Then, we went to Cuyucos Dog Beach.
This dog beach is Morro Bay Rock in the back of the scene.

It’s the best dog beach I have ever known.
As we got our dogs out of the van, someone said, “Oh, many dogs, dog is God!”
It was the second time people commented on Dog and God that morning.
I know that when our dogs are happy, we are happy, too; it must be God’s work!

We put our recently bought cart on the sand at the beach so that Lumi could enjoy it, too. I pulled the cart for Lumi on the beach.

She couldn’t walk well, but she was happy to feel the breeze and smell the ocean.

Nalu, Kai, Lani, and Makani enjoyed running, chasing each other, and eating seaweed.

After Dog Beach, we went to Cambria to window shop and to a natural food store, where we bought some local boysenberry jam.

Our camping toaster!

Then, Harmony (a small town with a population of 18) where Eric tasted some wine and bought some.

The birthday dinner was at Harbor Hut, one of the oldest restaurants we like to visit in Morro Bay. Eric reserved our favorite seat so we could see the sunset by Morro Bay Rock.

What a precious, thoughtful gift filled my heart.

On this day, I got birthday calls from my friends Masayo, Angel, and Mark. Thank you, everyone!

On the morning of the second day, we decided to go somewhere we’d never been before and headed to a town called Los Osos.
Eric bought some sourdough bread at a local bakery.

We also went to dip in a mineral bath at Avila Spa.

The mineral bath helped ease my legs and lower back pain.
I didn’t have a swimsuit, so I wore black underwear and a tank top (lol).

Then, in the afternoon, we saw another good friend, Laura, who lives nearby. She went to Kushi Institute to learn macrobiotics and used to cook macrobiotic food for my client. We had a late lunch / early dinner at Shine Cafe. We both ordered Tempeh Reuben sandwiches, but they looked different than what we thought. The waiter said they were a tempeh sandwich, and just difference was no sauerkraut this one. Do you want sauerkraut?
Laura and I said at the same time.” Of course, sauerkraut!” and laughed so much!!!

A farmers’ market was nearby, so we walked around and checked local vegetables, fruits, and artist crafts. Laura got a ceramic pin matching my hat – a cute orange bird from a local ceramist for my birthday.

Then, I came up with the idea of getting a foot massage to relax. Eric said no, but I said it was my birthday, so you need to celebrate with a foot massage.
We all got massages and feel so much better.
In the evening, we returned to the campground and talked with Eric’s banana muffin, Los Osos’s sourdough bread, vegan cheese, and kukicha till we got tired.

It was no stressful, simple, happy weekend for my birthday.

Now, I have returned home and connected with the trees and plants in my garden that I have been helping to grow for almost 40 years.
I am happy they are around me and give me a botanical vibe.

Nancy, my frined who live behind us brought me a birthday card and flowers from the garden, and we made plans to go out for sushi.
I got a birthday call from Amanda, a kind friend who remembered my birthday even though she lost everything in the wildfires in January.
My long-time friend, Jessica, took me to a birthday brunch in Marina del. It was a fun time with delicious food.

My longest-time friend (since Pepperdine University), Judy, is taking me to dinner next week; I am lucky to have good friends and feel happy to continue celebrating my 70!

I am grateful to age slowly and find my interest in everyday life to move forward.

Love,

Sanae ❤️

Miracle 2024

The year-end holiday season.

In America, it is said that miracles happen during the year-end holidays- Christmas.

One of my favorite quotes is, “there are two ways to live life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. the other is as though everything is a miracle.” Albert Einstein, 1879~1955

Several miracles happened this year as well.

I want to share with you about a Christmas miracle that happened in my house.

On December 6th, after my usual walk with my dog family, my oldest dog, Lumi, developed a severe heart attack, was breathing heavily, and couldn’t move at all. All I could do was stay by her side.

I applied Animal Reiki, meridian acupressure on her heart and lung pressure points, and administered four drops of Bach Flower Rescue Remedy every 5 minutes.

The youngest puppy, Makani, who is very attached to Lumi, came next to Lumi and watched over her.

Lumi couldn’t move, but she was doing her best.

I video-called my husband, Eric, and let Lumi hear his voice.

Lumi said she would wait for Eric’s father to come home, but Lumi passed out after the call.

Her eyes remained open, unfocused, and unaware of my words and actions.

Lumi turns 15 next month, so I couldn’t help but think this was her last moment.

(Two years ago I wrote a blog about how Lumi came into my life on Lumi’s 13th birthday.)

I took a deep breath, calmed down, remembered what I had learned from raising a family of about 20 animals over the past 30 years and helping many rescue animals as an animal rescue volunteer, and did what I could.

Miraculously, Lumi regained consciousness several hours later.

But she was still breathing heavily and couldn’t move at all, so I communicated with Lumi and told her, “If you need to go to heaven, I will mentally prepare.”

Then Lumi said, “I am still here, Mommy. I am not going anywhere; I would wait for Daddy.”

When Eric came home, Lumi was weak, but she was happy to see him and show the strength of her life force and her presence through her eye movement.

Lumi couldn’t drink or eat anything, so we made her therapeutic drinks and liquid food. Lumi took a little bit of both.

After Lumi had the drinks and food, she seemed calm. I asked Lumi how she felt, and although it took a while for her to respond, she answered, “I didn’t know what was going on, and I couldn’t breathe, so I was scared.”

So I said, “Yeah, it was scary, but it’s okay now. You are still with us.”

I won’t go anywhere and will stay by your side. ” Then Lumi slowly closed her eyes, her breathing calmed down much more, and she fell asleep.

Lumi was going through living and dying and is trying her best to get better through the transition period, so I made a mixture of Bach Flower Remedies for Fear and Transition and sprayed it around Lumi and over her pows every 15 minutes.

I decided to make my bed next to her on the living room floor and sleep on the floor with her.

The first night, she breathed heavily when my hands left her, so I gave her Reiki or a gentle rub, and then she fell asleep for a little while.

I put a diaper on Lumi so she could lie down if she needed to pee or poop, but Lumi kept trying to get up in the middle of the night, and her breathing got worse every time.

But Lumi was stubborn and didn’t want to use diapers, so I didn’t know what to do. When I thought about it, I realized that if I were Lumi, I might be the same, so I thought about what I could do for Lumi. I picked her up and carried her outside the garden.

At that moment, Lumi was breathing very heavily and her heart was beating so fast that I could hear it, and I was filled with fear that Lumi’s heart might stop beating. I started blaming myself for taking Lumi outside, and when I closed my eyes, I realized that the sound of that heartbeat was also my own. So I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. I saw Lumi trying her best to find a place to pee, and I could tell that Lumi was doing her best even in times like this, so I told myself to ignore my whining. The only choice I had was to do everything I could to support Lumi.

Suddenly, I gently hugged Lumi and said, “I’m with Lumi. I love you!”

Then, Lumi’s heartbeat became a little quieter, and she found a place to pee and was looking toward the house, so I carried her back inside.

After that, Lumi asked twice to go outside, so I did the same thing for her, and at dawn, she seemed to be able to sleep soundlessly.

I was able to do what I could for her, just out of love, without doubt, or worry thinking.

I contacted Dr. Lane, a holistic veterinarian, but she was unavailable due to the holiday season, so the next day, I called Nancy, an animal healing specialist at Santa Monica Homeopathic Pharmacy, to discuss Lumi’s condition, and Eric got some homeopathic medicine.

Lumi had already been diagnosed with a heart murmur by Dr. Lane and has been taking herbal and homeopathic medicines for that purpose. After this episode, I suspect that Lumi may have fluid buildup in her lungs and heart, just like Lumi’s daughter Happy, who passed away in February this year. That’s why I decided to have Lumi balance out fluid in her heart and lungs.

We got heart medication, the fluid resolved, and we continued giving her Bach Flower, animal Reiki, massage, animal communication, and meridian point acupuncture with moxibustion.

We decided to try to improve Lumi’s health through all remedies, homeopathic medicine, healing foods, and our love.

Lumi still has a strong will to live.

Lumi’s health condition has been improving.

Thanks to her determination and our family’s efforts, Lumi can now eat her favorite mochi (soft rice cake) in the morning and eat homemade food (not more liquid food) and slowly walk out of the garden on her own.

The other day, she was determined to walk outside our yard, so I took her for very short walks. When Lumi gets tired, she tries to return instead of moving forward, so I respected her wishes and returned home immediately.

Lumi wanted to see Ocean on Christmas day.

Lumi said hello to everyone she passed, lay down on the sand, and enjoyed feeling the breeze.

On the way back, Lumi seemed a little tired and wouldn’t move on the sand, so when I held her, she was happy. She walked along the sidewalk on her own, sniffed many scents, and was satisfied.

Even as I write this blog, Lumi is sleeping comfortably with Makani at my feet, and when I tried to take a photo, Makani looked up.

Our Christmas miracle in 2024!

I hope you all find miraculous moments as we enter the new year.

Love,

Sanae ❤️

*Bonus:

What I found out about dog heart murmur.

“A dog with a heart murmur may experience a seizure-like event called syncope, which is a temporary loss of consciousness:

Syncope – Also known as fainting, syncope can occur when a dog’s heart is unable to pump enough oxygenated blood to the brain. This can be caused by an abnormal heart rhythm or arrhythmia, which can be very fast, very slow, or irregular. Syncope can look like a seizure, but there are some key differences.

Self-Care for Grieving after My Beloved Dog, Happy’s Departure

After five days of rain and wind storms last week, the sun was shining brightly, and the blue skies reflected it.
Usually, I would feel refreshed by the sunshine and blue skies, but my heart was still in darkness as the storm continued.

My beloved dog granddaughter, Happy, who was always by my side, suddenly became unwell and passed away to heaven on the last day of the rainstorm. Just writing this makes me feel a tightening pain in my chest.

My heart is aching, and I have empty, hollow feelings.

I am not ready to write about Happy much.

All I can say now is…Happy was my big-hearted, kind, tolerant, and sweet dog granddaughter.
She was always by my side, like my shadow.
She followed me even if I just went to the next room to get something.
When he couldn’t see me, he wandered around looking for me.
I feel like a ghost now, without a shadow.

I only remember a little of what I did the day she departed seven days ago.

*Seven days is call “Shonanoka” in a Buddhist service held on the seventh day after death. This is when the deceased crosses the River Styx (4000km – 2485.485 miles wide) after she passes 3200km/1988.388mile long steep mountain. Depending on her behavior during life, the stream of the river will change. So, the deceased’s family gather and honor her, sharing good memories and thoughts so that she will receive a gentle stream. I wrote about it on my blog

https://sanaesuzuki.com/2016/08/09/kula-golden-retriever-life-with-her-cancer-part-4/

I started to look at Happy’s most recent photos and Videos. Unfortunately, I did not have many photos of Happy in the last six months. I only took one photo with her (that’s the cover photo).
I was taking more photos of Lumi (Happy’s mom) because she is older and has health issues, so I thought Lumi was going to heaven sooner than Happy.
I wanted to see Happy’s photos of when she was a puppy, but it was too painful so I could not do it.

Happy left, Lumi (Happy’s mom) and me New Year’s day 2024

Even though I had studied animal communication, animal behavior, nutrition, and animal spiritual energy for many years, I did not notice that Happy was not feeling well.

It was a shock. I should have known if she had the health condition.
Now that she’s gone, I feel overwhelmed with guilt.

I also felt so bad for Happy’s mother, Lumi, who could not look at and come close to Happy after Happy died.

Three other Happy’s family all looked sad but came close to her and Snif.

I wanted to set up an altar for Happy with the Buddhist traditional “Goku (Five basics),” offering incense, lanterns, flowers, food, and purified water.

Happy’s color was orange, so Eric and I went to the local flower shop with Kai (Happy’s nephew), even though it was still raining a little bit, to get orange flowers.

I set up the altar with a candle, incense, orin (Buddhist bell), water, her favorite blueberry cookies with flowers, etc. I lit the candle and incense, rang the bells, and prayed.

I don’t even remember now what I worshiped. I only remember that I just put my hands together (gasshou).

After that, I put on the music that Happy and I had been listening to, cried a lot, and meditated together for an hour.
I hugged Eric and the dog and cat family over and over again.

On the second day, the Sun came out powerfully, as if so much rain was a lie.

I was moving mechanically, not wanting to do anything.

But when I looked at all of Happy’s family, I took them out for a walk as usual without thinking. The first walking team is Happy’s mom, Lumi and Happy’s nephew, Kai.

Happy used to walk with them, so my heart was not there with me, and the deep inside of me was numb, but I felt that Happy was walking with us.

When I returned home, there was a voice message from a *CSC (Cancer Support Community) blood cancer member that she wouldn’t be at the Zoom meeting, so if I was going to be there, she wanted me to let the group know.

*The CSC (Cancer Support Community) Blood Cancer group, which I joined about seven years ago when I got stage IV Lymphoma Cancer.

It has been helping me to hear what other people are going through physically and emotionally with their blood cancer and get more information about treatments, hospitals, oncologists, etc.

I was trying to decide if I was up to be on Zoom/seeing other people.

I wanted to see how my long-time friend, John, was doing after his last chemotherapy. Ironically, John came to see me when I was taking chemotherapy for stage IV lymphoma, and three years later, he got lymphoma. I invited him to join the CSC’s Blood Cancer meeting, and he has been attending.

I knew the Zoom meeting had started, and time was passing. My heart said, I want to attend the Zoom meeting.

I clicked on Zoom connection. Previously, when I was late joining the meeting, I did not get a call to share till the end of the meeting, but the facilitator asked me how I was doing after the person speaking when I joined.

I was not expecting to share so soon; I did not know what to say.

My breath caught, and I checked. I had to think for a moment about what to say.

I said, “One of the members of CSC left a voice message to ask me to convey the message, and I also wanted to see how John is doing…”

I started crying and said, “I am sorry, I am not myself today….”

I corrected what I said and continued, “Actually, I am myself.”

I took a deep breath and said, “My dog daughter, Happy, passed away about 24 hours ago.”

My tears came down, and I could not stop crying. I felt my heart was aching.

The pain that feels like my chest is being torn apart.

I took another deep breath.

“I am grieving and feeling guilt for Happy that I may not have done the right things for her needs since I thought her mother, Lumi, was going to die before her, and I was focusing on Lumi more than Happy in the last six months.”

“I am so sorry, Happy!”

I blew my nose, then said,

“I am in so much pain, and tremendous sadness of tsunami is coming into my whole being.”

When I lost someone, including an animal family, during a previous grieving period time, I grieved so much. It must have lowered my immune system, and I got cancer twice.

One was after my father passed, I got ovarian cancer. The other one was 6 months after my beloved dog’s daughter, who was my service dog, Kula, passed, I got stage IV lymphoma.

So, I continue sharing on the Zoom CSC meeting.

“In the past, losing someone with whom I had strong connections and unfinished issues or regrets made my strength weak, and my immune system went lower.”

“I am grieving, and I have a fear of losing my health once again, so I need to look back at what I can improve to cope with grieving and self-care.”

As I looked back, I realized my experience of grieving has different shapes and colors depending on who passed away.

When my mother passed away, I was sad, and I grieved, of course, but I communicated with her to accept who she was and also let her know who I was to her before she passed away so I had peace later on.

Since living in America, I have sent a family of 16 animals to heaven.
Raising animals is not an easy task, and I was sad when they left.
But with the animal family that I was able to communicate with and connect with, grief was like a big wave in the ocean that I could surf, and I didn’t drown. I missed them and at the same time accepted their departure.

I looked back; how did I do when my father and Kula passed away?

When my father passed away:

I could not communicate with my father before he passed away.

I knew his health was not well, so I visited him one month before he passed away in Japan. I went to his favorite restaurant with my sister and we had a good time.

I called him at the airport before departing to return to America, but he did not answer and never called me back. His secretary said he was on a business trip so that he would contact me later, but he never did.

When I received a phone call three weeks later that he was in critical condition and went to see him in Japan the next day, he was already unconscious and passed away eight hours later.

I had to return to Japan to help my mother and deal with the situation at my father’s business company seven times in one year.

The extreme stress did not give me a space for me to grieve.
I got so exhausted.
Then, the following year, my first husband filed for divorce, and one of my dogs, whom I rescued on the street, died. Then, I had to foreclose my condo when I lost money on the divorce.

I was grieving and so much stress, but not knowing I was. I started to lose my health and got ovarian cancer.

When my beloved dog’s daughter, who was my service dog, Kula, passed away,

Eric (my current husband) and I tried to save our restaurant Seed Kitchen, but the landlord and realtor did not help us at all. We lost the lease, and the realtor sued us. We had to close the restaurant after Kula died.

Eric and I argued so much about the restaurant those days. I was focusing on accommodating the restaurant customers, employees, my students and clients.

I had no time for proper grieving till and for resting much. All I was doing was repairing our damage after closing the restaurant. Six months later, I got stage IV lymphoma.

The CSC facilitator asked me, “How do you not get sick/cancer from this grief?”

It is a good point for me to think and address the issues. Healthy grieving is facing the pain and dealing with it. It is work and no shortcut.

How do I do that?

I checked the blog I wrote about grieving in 2016 when Kula passed.

https://sanaesuzuki.com/2017/02/01/grief/

I was not aware of grief till much later since I was taking care of the restaurant we had at that time, and we lost it, so it was more than just losing Kula.

It took time to see that I was grieving over losing our restaurant, which had been one of our dreams.

Another was rebuilding my relationship with Eric after it got ripped off because of the stress of keeping and closing the restaurant.

We all have weak links in ourselves.

I realized my weakest link, which was when I lost someone, something that it meant to me and I could not accept, which led to grief, drained my immune system, and l lost my health.

This time, I admit that I am going through grieving as soon as Happy departure.

I am releasing my grief by connecting with “＊Pet Loss Support Group” and starting to work on my healing journals.

＊Pet Loss Support Group

https://www.lapoflove.com/our-services/pet-loss-support

I face the weakest point and need to change it to my strength.

Cry when I need to.

Work on guilt, regret, blame, fear, anger, and connection to forgive, especially me.

Softening the pain – talking to people who can support and respect my feelings and tell me the right words.

Writing is one of my tools to heal myself, so I want to write about how I give myself “Self-Care.”

Continue daily walking with the dog family, art, and gardening, being nature as usual.

Herbal tea and Bach flower remedies for sadness/grieving, moxibustion, reiki, massage, and herbal aroma baths, etc.
I take care of myself with a lot of “self-care.”

I planted Grevillea Superb (it has orange color flowers since orange was Happy’s color) bush tree (Happy loved a bush plant) in the front side garden with Eric.

I haven’t been able to communicate much with Happy since she passed away, but I heard her voice while I was planting Grevillea Superb.

“Mommy, what a beautiful flowers for me. I love the orange color!”

“I am happy that you decided that no surgery proceed and took me home from the cardiologist so I could go to heaven from the home where I was born.

Happy leaving the cardiologist’s office without surgery

I know you wished we had a little more time after we returned from the cardiologist, and me too. But my heart was not strong enough to live anymore.”

“I thank you so much for all you did;

I was the happiest dog since you were my everything and are the one I lived for.

I learned to spread joy and love because you gave me joy and love every day. “

“You taught me how to help heal other people.”

“I hope you continue to take care of your health and live a much longer life so I may return to be with you.”

“Right now, I am also shocked that I had to leave.

I know you are in shock and feeling guilty.

But Mommy, you looked at my face when I left; I was not in pain, and I was a beautiful girl as you always told me.”

Happy’s face right after she depatured

“You and Daddy took care of me so well.”

“I thank you so much!”

“I will see you again, either there on the earth or in heaven for sure, until we see each other again next time.”

“By the way, I am using my dog mom, Lumi’s body, to visit you, which you may have already noticed.”

“I heard you said, 「Lumi is getting up without our help and following everywhere I go, just like Happy.” (Lumi has arthritis and has not been able to get up on her own much)

“Lumi is sleeping soundless without snoring like Happy” (Lumi snored so much all the time while she is sleeping)) and “Lumi is drooling just like Happy when she wants something to eat and waiting.” (Lumi never drooled)

That’s right, Mommy, I am there with you in my dog Mom Lumi’s body.

Now you know how much I want to be there with you!”

” Thank you for cookies, clean water (Happy liked only clean water), candles, incense, and beautiful flower bouquets!

I am so blessed and loved because I am your girl forever!”

I looked up at the sky and hugged her spirit!
And told her,
“Happy- Arigatou!
You did a great job giving me and everyone joy, love, and happiness
I am so happy you came into my life.
Thank you for always being by my side!
I’m looking forward to seeing you again.”

I am so grateful that Happy communicated with me.

When I am ready, I want to write a tribute to Happy’s life: her story with photos. Set up a memorial in Happy’s honor.

Today is Happy’s first 7th day (*Shonanoka), so I would like to hold a memorial service for her in my own way.

*Shonanoka

Shonanona is a Buddhist service held on the seventh day after death. This is when the deceased crosses the River Styx (4000km – 2485.485 miles wide) after she passes 3200km/1988.388mile long steep mountain. Depending on her behavior during life, the stream of the river will change. So, the deceased’s family gather and honor her, sharing good memories and thoughts so that she will receive a gentle stream.

I post it on my blog

https://sanaesuzuki.com/2016/08/09/kula-golden-retriever-life-with-her-cancer-part-4/

My gratitude to Happy with all my heart!

Love,

Sanae ❤️

My New Path…

Writing makes me feel most connected with my soul.
But I was not able to write for over one year.

When I was going through challenging times, I usually write my journals.

After I was diagnosed with only weeks live with Stage IV Lymphoma Non-Hodgkin of the liver in the spring of 2017.
(I wrote about it on https://sanaesuzuki.com/2017/06/08/only-weeks-to-live/)

Holistic medicine and macrobiotic healing foods were not helping to shrink cancer as before because the cancer was spreading too fast. Hence, I decided to take chemotherapy to save my life. The pain of the liver got worst, and I was not able to bear. All I could do was closing my eyes, breathing, and lying down every day. The nights I could not sleep, I just laid and wrote often and posted my blogs and sent newsletters to link in with my friends and people who were supporting me. The writing was also a way to protect me from my loneliness and fear.

After completed six cycles of chemotherapy, I was getting better physically slowly, and I started to do a few things that I could not do while I was in chemo. Then, I did more and more physical work, and I lost the time to write.

I have been posting Instagram and Facebook with short descriptions, but I love writing with detail.
I realized that taking the time to write how I feel and what I do and share my photos carefully is my style, so writing a blog and send newsletter was something I enjoy.
There are many reasons I lost touch with writing my blog and sending newsletters.
Whatever the reason I have had, I just wanted to get it back on again and looking for my new path. I wish I could pick up where I left without any reservation, but in my case, I needed motivation.

I have been taking art classes from Santa Monica College Emeritus off and on for a while. It took time after all the chemotherapy treatments, but when I got the strength back, I went back to retake Calligraphy class. I just did what I could, so mostly nothing serious, and just for fun.

At the end of the last year, I found out that I may be able to enter my artwork for the Student Art Exhibition. The exhibition was for spring 2020, and the due date was February 2020, so I wanted to try it even my artwork was chosen or not.

But I was going through another challenging time of PTSD (PTSD from my childhood and also near-death car crash, etc. ) at the beginning of the year, so I did not think I could put together my artwork. I am a turtle, so I am not a fast pace person to do anything. I need a decent time and focus for me to finish my artwork.

When I get PTSD, I have nightmares, and I am not able to do much nor go out nor talk to people. I also cry and get moody a lot and not able to focus.

Photo: with my dog son, Leo

I was feeling disappointed at myself, and I was just about giving up on my artwork; I got lots of love support from my animal family, especially from Leo, who was one of my dog sons.
He had health conditions of nasal cancer for more than one year and also vestibular disease condition, which caused him not able to get up his own. Still, when I worked on my artwork, he wanted to be with me in my art room and stayed until I was satisfied to finish my artwork each time. That is how I was able to complete my artwork and submit it on time. I was not sure it was good enough for the Student Art Exhibition, but it did not matter because, in the end, I had fun creating and spend time with Leo. When I sent my artwork with an original frame I have asked to make. Leo smiled at me and he said, “Mommy, good job!”.

Photo: with Keith of GRAYHORSE PICTURE FRAMING http://www.grayhorsepictureframing.com

Three weeks later, I found out that they chose my artwork. I was very thrilled and told Leo that because of him, my artwork would be at the Exhibition.

He said that he already knew it and he was delighted.

I got a big idea of making a plan to invite everyone who supported me for my recovery if they could come to the Student Art Exhibition opening reception in April.

I was so excited, but the pandemic happened, and the exhibition got cancel.

My big idea of seeing some of you in person and able to say “Thank you!” directly did not work.
I understand that so many people died and got sick. Coronavirus pandemic has not solved yet, and still many people are going through so many challenges, and many other issues are coming to must change the last few months.
Many people are standing up valuable to move the country and the world toward a new normal a future better than the old dysfunctional “normal.”
I wish I could do more to help others, but my focus is to do my best to take care of myself to stay healthy and safe right now, and this is my contribution to others, and this is my new normal.

Leo departed on May 24th peacefully in his sleep.
I miss him a lot.
He taught me so much how to fulfill life, and he told me that “Mammy, just be,” which sometimes means being irritable, exciting, tired, sad, and worry.
It is all good because they are all of you, and deep down inside, you are happy and content no matter what.
He is continuously teaching me.

Soon after his departure, I received a letter about Santa Monica College Emeritus Student Art Exhibition will be Online.
Online means not only people who can come to the exhibition but anybody from all over the world can see my artwork and see my new path.

Wow!

I think Leo did it.

Emeritus art exhibition online. 150+ artworks on view by Emeritus students.

A live Zoom Launch Event — hosted by Emeritus Associate Dean Dr. Scott Silverman and Emeritus Gallery Curator Jesse Benson — was recorded when it was held on June 25.

Here are a link and info on how to see my artwork.

View the recorded Zoom event: Launch Event for Emeritus Student Art Exhibition 2020 Online

View Artwork and Artists: Emeritus Student Art Exhibition 2020 Online

In case you are not able to see this Online Exhibition, here is a photo of my artwork close up and detail.

Photo: Watercolor Hanga with lotus root

Title: My New Path

Medium: Watercolor and Sumi Ink

Size: 14″h x 11″w x 3/4″d
The frame is white birch and linen material (you see the bottom photo).

It is a simple watercolor of Hanga print with lotus root and Sumi ink calligraphy with my haiku poem. My aiming was “Zen modest state to find a new path to move forward”

Photo: my haiku poem with Skim letters

The letter of calligraphy style is Akim.
(Akim is created by German calligrapher, sculptor, and musician, Hans-Joachim Burgert. This lovely, gentle hand that is said to replicate the rhythm of the human heart) I did not know how Akim was created at first when I started to use it for my calligraphy, but I felt so familiar and it is my favorite calligraphy letter. So I have been using it for my website cover and business card, etc.

I wrote this Haiku Poem for me and everyone to thrive and live a new path (new normal).

I hope you enjoy it and find your new path.

I am grateful to Leo, who gave me the motivation to start writing again.

Wait,
as I was just finishing writing this blog, I received an email from Santa Monica College Emeritus Student Art Exhibition organizer, Jesse Benson.

I can’t believe it.
I had to read a few times to understand the detail: he was asking me to speak at the Online Art Exhibition Opening Reception about my artwork on Thursday, June 25th.

There are over 90 artists and 161 artworks (students can submit up to 2 artworks) in the show.
I heard they only asked a few people to speak.

Is it true they choose me to speak about my artwork?
Amazingly, they want to hear what I did.

Leo must help me again.

Photo: Complete my artwork of “My New Path” with the frame

Now I honestly want everyone to see my artwork; art is one of healing therapy that has been helping me to recover.
Please watch the Online Art Exhibition reception.

I want to finish writing my blog that I was able to finally write after over one year with gratitude for “My New Path!”

I am grateful, thank you from my heart!

Love,

Sanae ❤️

How I Started Reiki for People and My Animal Family

I am originally from Japan.
I grew up there till I was 19 years old, so I had heard of Reiki before I moved to the US.
But I thought it was kind of a spooky thing because the word rei 霊 means “spirit,” and ki 気 is “energy.”
I was not sure what “energy of spirit” was about;
I could only think that it may have something to do with a ghost (hahaha), which in Japanese is yuu rei 幽霊.
I was scared and not interested.

The first time I received Reiki was after I was in a coma for three days at a trauma hospital in Phoenix, Arizona because of my near-fatal car crash outside of a little village of Hope, Arizona in 2001.
I had broken ribs, knees, ankles, feet and toes, and my heart and lungs were crushed and damaged.
I had a tube to my lungs and from my mouth to breathe.
I was not able to talk for a while because of the tube in my mouth.
Every part of my body was in so much pain.

Eric (my husband) told me later on that as soon as I came out of the coma and the tube was removed from my mouth,
I was telling him to move my intensive care bed closer to the window so I could feel the sunlight and heal.
When he told me he could not move me—since I was attached to so many machines—I cursed at him and said,
“Move the f***ing bed to the window!
I have to feel sunlight!!!”

Of course, he could not move the bed at all, so I was pissed off.
But I could not be pissed off for too long, because I was told by my doctors that I would not be able to walk anymore; my legs were brutally broken.
They had thought they’d have to amputate my left leg, but they were able to keep it.
I am so grateful for the doctors’ decision, but I did not know there were many years of physical therapy, daily massages, and positive affirmations to come.

After surgery, I had 3 thick titanium plates and 13 screws all over both of my legs and ankles.
My legs, feet, and toes were numb, but at the same time, I had so much pain.
How is it possible to have no feeling but extreme nerve pain?
I could not explain, but that was the way I felt (I still have some of the numbness and pain).

I was not able to sleep much, so my friend’s roommate, who was learning Reiki, came to give me my first treatment.
Reiki helped me relax and sleep.
I could not believe it, and I never forgot about it.

My recovery from that car crash was very long, but I experienced a long recovery already when I had ovarian cancer in 1993 so even I had to be in a wheelchair for many years I never lost my hope and I remember how much Reiki helped me at the trauma hospital in Arizona.
I really wanted to learn the practice, so I found a teacher in Redondo Beach in 2002.
I think I did not have a connection with that teacher, or I was not ready to learn something new.
My focus needed to be on healing from PTSD and learning how to live my new life with a wheelchair.

It was a big transition time, and I was not able to accept that I was going to be in a wheelchair the rest of my life.
I started to walk again with crutches and not use the wheelchair all the time, little by little.
After 17 years, I now only use a cane and no wheelchair, most of the time.
My legs, feet, and toes have still nerve pain all the time— sometimes so much that I can’t sleep.
But I have learned Vipassana meditation and learned to accept the numbness and pain and try to not get attached to it.
This practice helps enable me to do many things like bicycling, yoga, and hiking.
I’ve loved yoga since I was in my 20s,
so I challenged myself to take Yoga Teacher Training a few years ago, when I turned 60 years old, and become a yoga instructor.

Read my blog, “Yoga for Life.”

Back to the Reiki: I really wanted to learn it again with the right teacher.
I met Amanda Jaye, an English lady who lived in Japan and mastered Jikiden reiki (Jikiden means “directly handed down”) in Kyoko, Japan.
This is Amanda Jaye’s website.
Her teaching was more authentic, traditional Japanese Reiki.
I connected to it right away.
Amanda teaches using Japanese words, so we can feel kototama 言霊
the five precepts, or go kai 五戒, are all in Japanese,
and everyone has to learn to say them in Japanese).

I love reijyu 霊授, which is translated in English as “attunements.”
Below is what Amanda wrote about reijyu on her blog:

In the 1920s, Japanese founder, Usui sensei, devised a simple way to clear the connection we all have to this ability within.
Our natural state. His method has been passed down through generations for more than 90 years.

In the west, you often hear the word ‘attunement’, yet this has a slightly different meaning than the Japanese ‘Reiju’.
There is nothing new to ‘tune in’ to. You already have Reiki running through you.
The easiest analogy is to imagine cleaning a pipe that is clogged – you do not have to build a new pipe or tune into a new frequency like a radio station. Reiju simply clears the pipe you already have so the flow is more abundant and can then have a greater effect when given to yourself or others.

https://www.learnjikidenreiki.com/blog-1/a-question-of-reiju-attunements

Amanda and me when I received my Jikiden Reiki certificate in 2016

I practice and use Reiki just like I cook macrobiotic foods.
I used Reiki for my dog daughter Kula when she was diagnosed with spleen cancer (Hemangiosarcoma) two years ago.
We were told she would live about two weeks to two months.
I included Reiki in my healing modality of making macrobiotic food, Chinese herbal medicines, acupuncture, moxibustion, Bach Flower remedy, homeopathy, and essential oil for her, but I was not confident enough to communicate with her yet since I started to study animal communication eight months before she got sick.
I also did not know how deeply and powerfully beneficial Reiki really would be that time.
I felt Kula liked Reiki, but I was not sure how much it was really helping her.

Giving Kula Reiki

Now I can see now that I did not give her enough Reiki time everyday for her to get the benefit because I was too busy with my work and worried about what to cook for her. She departed to heaven 2.5 months later in my arms.

Last year, I received Reiki twice a week from my friend Sally, to help me heal from cancer of Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma (DLBCL) Primary non-Hodgkin of Liver, stage IV.
My blog “My First Chemotherapy”

I was suffering so much with pain in my liver, and the chemotherapy was the most discomfort I’ve ever experienced.
I was not able to sleep.
I was sad, and I cried a lot.
But every time I received Reiki, I was able to sleep and deeply relax.
I was able to feel happiness again through the sessions, and I felt I had my hope of getting better.

Finally, I experienced how Reiki is truly a deep, powerful modality for my body, mind, and soul (spirit).
From that experience, I decided to add Reiki to my practice more seriously once I got better.
I have also been using moxibustion, which helped me relax and able to ease my pain, so I decided to combine the two together for myself everyday continuously.
Reiki and moxibustion combination have been helping me so much to release the pain and relax me deeply.
Another thing helping is meditation so I practice it everyday.
Reiki and moxibustion with meditation combination for my recover from Lymphoma is a big key for me everyday.

Since I had ovarian cancer in 1993 I was not able to have a baby.
My husband, Eric and my joy of life is having dog and cat family so we live with six dogs and two cats.
In order for me to get my strength back after chemotherapy for Lymphoma I started to hiking with dogs.
My animal family has been teaching me and helping my life so much.
Now going to hiking with my dogs became a therapy for me.
Here is my blog of “Hiking with Dogs“.
Now about once a week, I hike with my dog’s hiking friends so there are usually more than 10 dogs.

Two months ago, Kula’s sister Oro was diagnosed with the same spleen cancer (Hemangiosarcoma).

See my blog, “Oro Came To My Life The Day My Mother Passed”

I have been giving Oro Reiki, with combinations of massage and moxibustion with Bach Flower Remedy and aromatherapy guided by holistic veterinarian Dr. Lane.
I can see how much Oro likes them, how much she can relax and she is getting benefits.
I am also able to communicate with Oro better than two years ago when I was communicating with Kula.
Other important things are I have more time to spend with Oro and learn to trust her to give me direction so I am not worried about what I need to cook for her so much. I am leaning to see how much Oro is teaching. I always feel my animal family (six dogs and two cats) is teaching me and they are my teachers.

I started to help some of my clients and offer Reiki, combining with shiatsu and moxibustion.
My clients who have experienced Reiki recognized how much benefit they got.
I also use Reiki to help my husband, Eric relax.
I am very happy that I am able to help my husband and animal family and other people with what I believe and what I experienced.

This past weekend, my teacher Amanda came to America to offer her seminar again.
It was so good to attend it to review my practice.
I met wonderful Reiki practitioners too.

Last weekend’s Jikiden Reiki seminar with Amanda and other Reiki people

Reiki class is also offered at Cancer Support Community in West Los Angeles once a month (every third Thursday at 6 pm, but call to make sure 310.314.2555) at no charge.
I enjoyed the class when I attended there.
If you do not know Reiki and you are going through with cancer, this is a good place to start.
Also, I think many classes are offered around your area so you can find it and learn for yourself.

Giving Oro Reiki

When I found out Oro had spleen cancer (Hemangiosarcoma) at the end of July,
I started to give Reiki right away and also looked for Animal Reiki class for me to take.
I never saw Animal Reiki sight before, but it was meant to be for me to find it this time.
So I just started to take Animal Reiki level 1 with Kathleen Prasad.
Even though I have taking Reiki classes with the certificate of Reiki practitioner and giving Reiki to many people and been giving Reiki to my animal family already, I thought I could learn more.
This will be a great addition to my studies in animal communication with Lydia Hiby.

There are eight people from all over not just in the U.S. in Animal Reiki level 1 class.
There are eight classes to meet on line every Monday morning.
I really enjoyed hearing everyone’s story and receiving Reiju from Kathleen.
Kathleen has over come breast cancer and she has already taught me a lot as also cancer survivor like I am cancer survior.
I know learning Reiki for animals will help my dog and cat family even more and perhaps help rescued dogs and kitties in the future when I am a fully recover from Lymphoma.

Below is one of Animal Reiki level 1 homework from first week to reflect on one of the Reiki precepts while completing the turtle zentangle.

For today only:
do not anger
do not worry
be humble
be honest in your work
be compassionate to yourself and others

My Reiki Precepts reflection on Turtle coloring

I choose the third one – do not worry.
Since Oro was diagnosed cancer I am worry a lot about her.
I choose the colors that this turtle is living in Maui (Hawaii) and swimming freely and happy without worry. I liked the colors I choose.
I repeated Reiki precepts while I was coloring many times and spent more than three hours to complete.
I noticed that this simple exercise homework of coloring the turtle helped me to calm and not worry about Oro so much.

“What is Animal Reiki,” from Kathleen Prasad’s website:

https://www.animalreikisource.com/animal-reiki-information/what-is-animal-reiki/

This method is founded upon traditional Japanese Reiki techniques and philosophy.
Animal Reiki is mindfulness meditation practiced “with” our animals, rather than an energy therapy done “to” them.
Animal Reiki meditation is taught as a state of mind with flexible physical forms.
Touch is used only when animals seek it out, and then only as a compassionate support.
Mental focus techniques develop an “All is Well” state of mind for the practitioner that sees the animal’s perfection in this moment. Kathleen calls this seeing with your “Animal Reiki eyes,” in other words, seeing more deeply, with your heart.
This method acknowledges and honors each animal as a spiritual teacher and healer in his/her own right. Practitioners learn to listen to animals and become receptive to their spiritual wisdom and healing gifts.

I am happy to share how I started Reiki, where I am now with it, and where I might be going in the future.

Love, Sanae 💖

Hiking With Dogs

What a recovery journey I have had in the past year.
So far, I am getting better slowly and smoothly.

I thought I’d never regained my strength while I was getting EPOCH chemotherapy for 24 hours of five days each time.
After chemotherapy, I had to take Neulasta (to bring up my white blood cells),
which made my whole body scream with pain.
Did you know we have 206 bones in our body?
Can you imagine if all these bones are in pain?
I do not want to even think about it anymore after I experienced the pain so intensely and violently.
I cried each time and just lay on my bed, closed my eyes, and focused on breathing.

After all six rounds of chemotherapy, I did not get my strength back for so long, so I was worried.
But I met someone at my Cancer Support Community meetings who’d had the same chemotherapy, and she told me it took at least six months for her strength to come back.
That helped me to not rush and give myself time.

I have been off the chemotherapy for 10 months now.
I have learned to take a nap everyday, even if it’s just 15 minutes.
If I am not able to take a nap, I just lie down and rest.
I never used to do so before, no matter how tired I was.
I did not know what I was missing, hahaha!

Taking care of myself is working.
My hair is growing beautifully (Read Growing Healthy, Beautiful Hair After Chemotherapy )
and I started to go hiking with my dogs and their hiking gangs,
usually altogether 12–13 dogs, in the Santa Monica Mountains once a week.

Can you believe it?
Even though I am the one doing it, it is almost impossible to believe it.
I am very proud of Sanae!
Of course, the first few times, I was so tired, and I thought I would not make it,
because I’m hiking with not just one or two dogs, but over 10 dogs!
I am having a ball every time.
I was able to finish about two miles.

I thank my friend Cecilia, who is a dog trainer and has been taking my dogs with her hiking gangs.

Cecilia with other dog walkers and dogs, dogs and dogs!

I was able to come up with a little gig when I come to hike with them.
My gig is picking up their poo.
Isn’t cool?
I thought this would be the best way to help Cecilia and myself get good luck.
What does good luck have to do with picking up dog poo?
Well, in Japanese, “poo” is unko or unchi,
and “luck” in Japanese is un.
Whenever I step on poo, I tell myself, “I am so lucky, thank you!!!”

The last few times, Cecilia trusted me, so I got a promotion!
Now I am taking care of two or three small dogs while hiking.

These are the small dogs I take care of when I go hiking!

Life is full of miracles:
I had ovarian cancer stage IV in 1993; after a near-fatal car crash in 2001, my heart stopped for 12 minutes; I spent three days in a coma, and the doctor said I would not walk again.
But after four years of life in a wheelchair, I started to walk.
I got married, I have dog and cat children, I restarted teaching cooking and counseling,
and I became a yoga teacher after 60 years of age.
I beat another cancer, primary non-Hodgkin lymphoma of liver stage IV, and now I’m hiking with so many dogs.

Dog hiking is healing me!

If you ever doubt your life, please remember: You have a choice to live.
Live like everything is a miracle, like I decided to live.
Please do not give up!
There is no limit for us to live, not even the sky!

With all my love,

Sanae 💖