Dog |

My New Path…

Writing makes me feel most connected with my soul.
But I was not able to write for over one year.

When I was going through challenging times, I usually write my journals.

After I was diagnosed with only weeks live with Stage IV Lymphoma Non-Hodgkin of the liver in the spring of 2017.
(I wrote about it on https://www.sanaesuzuki.com/2017/06/08/only-weeks-to-live/)

Holistic medicine and macrobiotic healing foods were not helping to shrink cancer as before because the cancer was spreading too fast. Hence, I decided to take chemotherapy to save my life. The pain of the liver got worst, and I was not able to bear. All I could do was closing my eyes, breathing, and lying down every day. The nights I could not sleep, I just laid and wrote often and posted my blogs and sent newsletters to link in with my friends and people who were supporting me. The writing was also a way to protect me from my loneliness and fear.

After completed six cycles of chemotherapy, I was getting better physically slowly, and I started to do a few things that I could not do while I was in chemo. Then, I did more and more physical work, and I lost the time to write.

I have been posting Instagram and Facebook with short descriptions, but I love writing with detail.
I realized that taking the time to write how I feel and what I do and share my photos carefully is my style, so writing a blog and send newsletter was something I enjoy.
There are many reasons I lost touch with writing my blog and sending newsletters.
Whatever the reason I have had, I just wanted to get it back on again and looking for my new path. I wish I could pick up where I left without any reservation, but in my case, I needed motivation.

I have been taking art classes from Santa Monica College Emeritus off and on for a while. It took time after all the chemotherapy treatments, but when I got the strength back, I went back to retake Calligraphy class. I just did what I could, so mostly nothing serious, and just for fun.

At the end of the last year, I found out that I may be able to enter my artwork for the Student Art Exhibition. The exhibition was for spring 2020, and the due date was February 2020, so I wanted to try it even my artwork was chosen or not.

But I was going through another challenging time of PTSD (PTSD from my childhood and also near-death car crash, etc. ) at the beginning of the year, so I did not think I could put together my artwork. I am a turtle, so I am not a fast pace person to do anything. I need a decent time and focus for me to finish my artwork.

When I get PTSD, I have nightmares, and I am not able to do much nor go out nor talk to people. I also cry and get moody a lot and not able to focus.

Photo: with my dog son, Leo

I was feeling disappointed at myself, and I was just about giving up on my artwork; I got lots of love support from my animal family, especially from Leo, who was one of my dog sons.
He had health conditions of nasal cancer for more than one year and also vestibular disease condition, which caused him not able to get up his own. Still, when I worked on my artwork, he wanted to be with me in my art room and stayed until I was satisfied to finish my artwork each time. That is how I was able to complete my artwork and submit it on time. I was not sure it was good enough for the Student Art Exhibition, but it did not matter because, in the end, I had fun creating and spend time with Leo. When I sent my artwork with an original frame I have asked to make. Leo smiled at me and he said, “Mommy, good job!”.

Photo: with Keith of GRAYHORSE PICTURE FRAMING http://www.grayhorsepictureframing.com

Three weeks later, I found out that they chose my artwork. I was very thrilled and told Leo that because of him, my artwork would be at the Exhibition.

He said that he already knew it and he was delighted.

I got a big idea of making a plan to invite everyone who supported me for my recovery if they could come to the Student Art Exhibition opening reception in April.

I was so excited, but the pandemic happened, and the exhibition got cancel.

My big idea of seeing some of you in person and able to say “Thank you!” directly did not work.
I understand that so many people died and got sick. Coronavirus pandemic has not solved yet, and still many people are going through so many challenges, and many other issues are coming to must change the last few months.
Many people are standing up valuable to move the country and the world toward a new normal a future better than the old dysfunctional “normal.”
I wish I could do more to help others, but my focus is to do my best to take care of myself to stay healthy and safe right now, and this is my contribution to others, and this is my new normal.

Leo departed on May 24th peacefully in his sleep.
I miss him a lot.
He taught me so much how to fulfill life, and he told me that “Mammy, just be,” which sometimes means being irritable, exciting, tired, sad, and worry.
It is all good because they are all of you, and deep down inside, you are happy and content no matter what.
He is continuously teaching me.

Soon after his departure, I received a letter about Santa Monica College Emeritus Student Art Exhibition will be Online.
Online means not only people who can come to the exhibition but anybody from all over the world can see my artwork and see my new path.

Wow!

I think Leo did it.

Emeritus art exhibition online. 150+ artworks on view by Emeritus students.

A live Zoom Launch Event — hosted by Emeritus Associate Dean Dr. Scott Silverman and Emeritus Gallery Curator Jesse Benson — was recorded when it was held on June 25.

Here are a link and info on how to see my artwork.

View the recorded Zoom event: Launch Event for Emeritus Student Art Exhibition 2020 Online

View Artwork and Artists: Emeritus Student Art Exhibition 2020 Online

In case you are not able to see this Online Exhibition, here is a photo of my artwork close up and detail.

Photo: Watercolor Hanga with lotus root

Title: My New Path

Medium: Watercolor and Sumi Ink

Size: 14″h x 11″w x 3/4″d
The frame is white birch and linen material (you see the bottom photo).

It is a simple watercolor of Hanga print with lotus root and Sumi ink calligraphy with my haiku poem. My aiming was “Zen modest state to find a new path to move forward”

Photo: my haiku poem with Skim letters

The letter of calligraphy style is Akim.
(Akim is created by German calligrapher, sculptor, and musician, Hans-Joachim Burgert. This lovely, gentle hand that is said to replicate the rhythm of the human heart) I did not know how Akim was created at first when I started to use it for my calligraphy, but I felt so familiar and it is my favorite calligraphy letter. So I have been using it for my website cover and business card, etc.

I wrote this Haiku Poem for me and everyone to thrive and live a new path (new normal).

I hope you enjoy it and find your new path.

I am grateful to Leo, who gave me the motivation to start writing again.

Wait,
as I was just finishing writing this blog, I received an email from Santa Monica College Emeritus Student Art Exhibition organizer, Jesse Benson.

I can’t believe it.
I had to read a few times to understand the detail: he was asking me to speak at the Online Art Exhibition Opening Reception about my artwork on Thursday, June 25th.

There are over 90 artists and 161 artworks (students can submit up to 2 artworks) in the show.
I heard they only asked a few people to speak.

Is it true they choose me to speak about my artwork?
Amazingly, they want to hear what I did.

Leo must help me again.

Photo: Complete my artwork of “My New Path” with the frame

Now I honestly want everyone to see my artwork; art is one of healing therapy that has been helping me to recover.
Please watch the Online Art Exhibition reception.

I want to finish writing my blog that I was able to finally write after over one year with gratitude for “My New Path!”

I am grateful, thank you from my heart!

Love,

Sanae ❤️

How I Started Reiki for People and My Animal Family

I am originally from Japan.
I grew up there till I was 19 years old, so I had heard of Reiki before I moved to the US.
But I thought it was kind of a spooky thing because the word rei 霊 means “spirit,” and ki 気 is “energy.”
I was not sure what “energy of spirit” was about;
I could only think that it may have something to do with a ghost (hahaha), which in Japanese is yuu rei 幽霊.
I was scared and not interested.

The first time I received Reiki was after I was in a coma for three days at a trauma hospital in Phoenix, Arizona because of my near-fatal car crash outside of a little village of Hope, Arizona in 2001.
I had broken ribs, knees, ankles, feet and toes, and my heart and lungs were crushed and damaged.
I had a tube to my lungs and from my mouth to breathe.
I was not able to talk for a while because of the tube in my mouth.
Every part of my body was in so much pain.

Eric (my husband) told me later on that as soon as I came out of the coma and the tube was removed from my mouth,
I was telling him to move my intensive care bed closer to the window so I could feel the sunlight and heal.
When he told me he could not move me—since I was attached to so many machines—I cursed at him and said,
“Move the f***ing bed to the window!
I have to feel sunlight!!!”

Of course, he could not move the bed at all, so I was pissed off.
But I could not be pissed off for too long, because I was told by my doctors that I would not be able to walk anymore; my legs were brutally broken.
They had thought they’d have to amputate my left leg, but they were able to keep it.
I am so grateful for the doctors’ decision, but I did not know there were many years of physical therapy, daily massages, and positive affirmations to come.

After surgery, I had 3 thick titanium plates and 13 screws all over both of my legs and ankles.
My legs, feet, and toes were numb, but at the same time, I had so much pain.
How is it possible to have no feeling but extreme nerve pain?
I could not explain, but that was the way I felt (I still have some of the numbness and pain).

I was not able to sleep much, so my friend’s roommate, who was learning Reiki, came to give me my first treatment.
Reiki helped me relax and sleep.
I could not believe it, and I never forgot about it.

My recovery from that car crash was very long, but I experienced a long recovery already when I had ovarian cancer in 1993 so even I had to be in a wheelchair for many years I never lost my hope and I remember how much Reiki helped me at the trauma hospital in Arizona.
I really wanted to learn the practice, so I found a teacher in Redondo Beach in 2002.
I think I did not have a connection with that teacher, or I was not ready to learn something new.
My focus needed to be on healing from PTSD and learning how to live my new life with a wheelchair.

It was a big transition time, and I was not able to accept that I was going to be in a wheelchair the rest of my life.
I started to walk again with crutches and not use the wheelchair all the time, little by little.
After 17 years, I now only use a cane and no wheelchair, most of the time.
My legs, feet, and toes have still nerve pain all the time— sometimes so much that I can’t sleep.
But I have learned Vipassana meditation and learned to accept the numbness and pain and try to not get attached to it.
This practice helps enable me to do many things like bicycling, yoga, and hiking.
I’ve loved yoga since I was in my 20s,
so I challenged myself to take Yoga Teacher Training a few years ago, when I turned 60 years old, and become a yoga instructor.

Read my blog, “Yoga for Life.”

Back to the Reiki: I really wanted to learn it again with the right teacher.
I met Amanda Jaye, an English lady who lived in Japan and mastered Jikiden reiki (Jikiden means “directly handed down”) in Kyoko, Japan.
This is Amanda Jaye’s website.
Her teaching was more authentic, traditional Japanese Reiki.
I connected to it right away.
Amanda teaches using Japanese words, so we can feel kototama 言霊
the five precepts, or go kai 五戒, are all in Japanese,
and everyone has to learn to say them in Japanese).

I love reijyu 霊授, which is translated in English as “attunements.”
Below is what Amanda wrote about reijyu on her blog:

In the 1920s, Japanese founder, Usui sensei, devised a simple way to clear the connection we all have to this ability within.
Our natural state. His method has been passed down through generations for more than 90 years.

In the west, you often hear the word ‘attunement’, yet this has a slightly different meaning than the Japanese ‘Reiju’.
There is nothing new to ‘tune in’ to. You already have Reiki running through you.
The easiest analogy is to imagine cleaning a pipe that is clogged – you do not have to build a new pipe or tune into a new frequency like a radio station. Reiju simply clears the pipe you already have so the flow is more abundant and can then have a greater effect when given to yourself or others.

https://www.learnjikidenreiki.com/blog-1/a-question-of-reiju-attunements

Amanda and me when I received my Jikiden Reiki certificate in 2016

I practice and use Reiki just like I cook macrobiotic foods.
I used Reiki for my dog daughter Kula when she was diagnosed with spleen cancer (Hemangiosarcoma) two years ago.
We were told she would live about two weeks to two months.
I included Reiki in my healing modality of making macrobiotic food, Chinese herbal medicines, acupuncture, moxibustion, Bach Flower remedy, homeopathy, and essential oil for her, but I was not confident enough to communicate with her yet since I started to study animal communication eight months before she got sick.
I also did not know how deeply and powerfully beneficial Reiki really would be that time.
I felt Kula liked Reiki, but I was not sure how much it was really helping her.

Giving Kula Reiki

Now I can see now that I did not give her enough Reiki time everyday for her to get the benefit because I was too busy with my work and worried about what to cook for her. She departed to heaven 2.5 months later in my arms.

Last year, I received Reiki twice a week from my friend Sally, to help me heal from cancer of Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma (DLBCL) Primary non-Hodgkin of Liver, stage IV.
My blog “My First Chemotherapy”

I was suffering so much with pain in my liver, and the chemotherapy was the most discomfort I’ve ever experienced.
I was not able to sleep.
I was sad, and I cried a lot.
But every time I received Reiki, I was able to sleep and deeply relax.
I was able to feel happiness again through the sessions, and I felt I had my hope of getting better.

Finally, I experienced how Reiki is truly a deep, powerful modality for my body, mind, and soul (spirit).
From that experience, I decided to add Reiki to my practice more seriously once I got better.
I have also been using moxibustion, which helped me relax and able to ease my pain, so I decided to combine the two together for myself everyday continuously.
Reiki and moxibustion combination have been helping me so much to release the pain and relax me deeply.
Another thing helping is meditation so I practice it everyday.
Reiki and moxibustion with meditation combination for my recover from Lymphoma is a big key for me everyday.

Since I had ovarian cancer in 1993 I was not able to have a baby.
My husband, Eric and my joy of life is having dog and cat family so we live with six dogs and two cats.
In order for me to get my strength back after chemotherapy for Lymphoma I started to hiking with dogs.
My animal family has been teaching me and helping my life so much.
Now going to hiking with my dogs became a therapy for me.
Here is my blog of “Hiking with Dogs“.
Now about once a week, I hike with my dog’s hiking friends so there are usually more than 10 dogs.

Two months ago, Kula’s sister Oro was diagnosed with the same spleen cancer (Hemangiosarcoma).

See my blog, “Oro Came To My Life The Day My Mother Passed”

I have been giving Oro Reiki, with combinations of massage and moxibustion with Bach Flower Remedy and aromatherapy guided by holistic veterinarian Dr. Lane.
I can see how much Oro likes them, how much she can relax and she is getting benefits.
I am also able to communicate with Oro better than two years ago when I was communicating with Kula.
Other important things are I have more time to spend with Oro and learn to trust her to give me direction so I am not worried about what I need to cook for her so much. I am leaning to see how much Oro is teaching. I always feel my animal family (six dogs and two cats) is teaching me and they are my teachers.

I started to help some of my clients and offer Reiki, combining with shiatsu and moxibustion.
My clients who have experienced Reiki recognized how much benefit they got.
I also use Reiki to help my husband, Eric relax.
I am very happy that I am able to help my husband and animal family and other people with what I believe and what I experienced.

This past weekend, my teacher Amanda came to America to offer her seminar again.
It was so good to attend it to review my practice.
I met wonderful Reiki practitioners too.

Last weekend’s Jikiden Reiki seminar with Amanda and other Reiki people

Reiki class is also offered at Cancer Support Community in West Los Angeles once a month (every third Thursday at 6 pm, but call to make sure 310.314.2555) at no charge.
I enjoyed the class when I attended there.
If you do not know Reiki and you are going through with cancer, this is a good place to start.
Also, I think many classes are offered around your area so you can find it and learn for yourself.

Giving Oro Reiki

When I found out Oro had spleen cancer (Hemangiosarcoma) at the end of July,
I started to give Reiki right away and also looked for Animal Reiki class for me to take.
I never saw Animal Reiki sight before, but it was meant to be for me to find it this time.
So I just started to take Animal Reiki level 1 with Kathleen Prasad.
Even though I have taking Reiki classes with the certificate of Reiki practitioner and giving Reiki to many people and been giving Reiki to my animal family already, I thought I could learn more.
This will be a great addition to my studies in animal communication with Lydia Hiby.

There are eight people from all over not just in the U.S. in Animal Reiki level 1 class.
There are eight classes to meet on line every Monday morning.
I really enjoyed hearing everyone’s story and receiving Reiju from Kathleen.
Kathleen has over come breast cancer and she has already taught me a lot as also cancer survivor like I am cancer survior.
I know learning Reiki for animals will help my dog and cat family even more and perhaps help rescued dogs and kitties in the future when I am a fully recover from Lymphoma.

Below is one of Animal Reiki level 1 homework from first week to reflect on one of the Reiki precepts while completing the turtle zentangle.

For today only:
do not anger
do not worry
be humble
be honest in your work
be compassionate to yourself and others

My Reiki Precepts reflection on Turtle coloring

I choose the third one – do not worry.
Since Oro was diagnosed cancer I am worry a lot about her.
I choose the colors that this turtle is living in Maui (Hawaii) and swimming freely and happy without worry. I liked the colors I choose.
I repeated Reiki precepts while I was coloring many times and spent more than three hours to complete.
I noticed that this simple exercise homework of coloring the turtle helped me to calm and not worry about Oro so much.

“What is Animal Reiki,” from Kathleen Prasad’s website:

https://www.animalreikisource.com/animal-reiki-information/what-is-animal-reiki/

This method is founded upon traditional Japanese Reiki techniques and philosophy.
Animal Reiki is mindfulness meditation practiced “with” our animals, rather than an energy therapy done “to” them.
Animal Reiki meditation is taught as a state of mind with flexible physical forms.
Touch is used only when animals seek it out, and then only as a compassionate support.
Mental focus techniques develop an “All is Well” state of mind for the practitioner that sees the animal’s perfection in this moment. Kathleen calls this seeing with your “Animal Reiki eyes,” in other words, seeing more deeply, with your heart.
This method acknowledges and honors each animal as a spiritual teacher and healer in his/her own right. Practitioners learn to listen to animals and become receptive to their spiritual wisdom and healing gifts.

I am happy to share how I started Reiki, where I am now with it, and where I might be going in the future.

Love, Sanae 💖

Hiking With Dogs

What a recovery journey I have had in the past year.
So far, I am getting better slowly and smoothly.

I thought I’d never regained my strength while I was getting EPOCH chemotherapy for 24 hours of five days each time.
After chemotherapy, I had to take Neulasta (to bring up my white blood cells),
which made my whole body scream with pain.
Did you know we have 206 bones in our body?
Can you imagine if all these bones are in pain?
I do not want to even think about it anymore after I experienced the pain so intensely and violently.
I cried each time and just lay on my bed, closed my eyes, and focused on breathing.

After all six rounds of chemotherapy, I did not get my strength back for so long, so I was worried.
But I met someone at my Cancer Support Community meetings who’d had the same chemotherapy, and she told me it took at least six months for her strength to come back.
That helped me to not rush and give myself time.

I have been off the chemotherapy for 10 months now.
I have learned to take a nap everyday, even if it’s just 15 minutes.
If I am not able to take a nap, I just lie down and rest.
I never used to do so before, no matter how tired I was.
I did not know what I was missing, hahaha!

Taking care of myself is working.
My hair is growing beautifully (Read Growing Healthy, Beautiful Hair After Chemotherapy )
and I started to go hiking with my dogs and their hiking gangs,
usually altogether 12–13 dogs, in the Santa Monica Mountains once a week.

Can you believe it?
Even though I am the one doing it, it is almost impossible to believe it.
I am very proud of Sanae!
Of course, the first few times, I was so tired, and I thought I would not make it,
because I’m hiking with not just one or two dogs, but over 10 dogs!
I am having a ball every time.
I was able to finish about two miles.

I thank my friend Cecilia, who is a dog trainer and has been taking my dogs with her hiking gangs.

Cecilia with other dog walkers and dogs, dogs and dogs!

I was able to come up with a little gig when I come to hike with them.
My gig is picking up their poo.
Isn’t cool?
I thought this would be the best way to help Cecilia and myself get good luck.
What does good luck have to do with picking up dog poo?
Well, in Japanese, “poo” is unko or unchi,
and “luck” in Japanese is un.
Whenever I step on poo, I tell myself, “I am so lucky, thank you!!!”

The last few times, Cecilia trusted me, so I got a promotion!
Now I am taking care of two or three small dogs while hiking.

These are the small dogs I take care of when I go hiking!

Life is full of miracles:
I had ovarian cancer stage IV in 1993; after a near-fatal car crash in 2001, my heart stopped for 12 minutes; I spent three days in a coma, and the doctor said I would not walk again.
But after four years of life in a wheelchair, I started to walk.
I got married, I have dog and cat children, I restarted teaching cooking and counseling,
and I became a yoga teacher after 60 years of age.
I beat another cancer, primary non-Hodgkin lymphoma of liver stage IV, and now I’m hiking with so many dogs.

Dog hiking is healing me!

If you ever doubt your life, please remember: You have a choice to live.
Live like everything is a miracle, like I decided to live.
Please do not give up!
There is no limit for us to live, not even the sky!

With all my love,

Sanae 💖

Oro Came To My Life The Day My Mother Passed

12 years ago, on August 15, I got a phone call from my sister that my mother passed.
I was very shocked since it was sudden death from asthma attached and she could not breathe.

I just came back from Kushi Institute for my teacher training and found out that my mother called and left her voice message, but it was accidentally erased before I could listen to it so I never knew what she said on the message so I was going to call my mother when I came back home, but before I called her my sister called for sad news.

I scream as I heard this sad news and did not know what to feel, but hours later, on the same date, here in Santa Monica my first service, dog, Kin birthed healthy 7 puppies even she was almost 10 years old and Oro was the last one to born at my house.
She really did not want to leave the house because everytime someone came to choose or pick up a puppy she hid.
She played a ball as soon as her eyes opened.

Oro (orange) with her first ball!

I was grieving losing my mother, but Oro brought new life and gave me a purpose in my life once again.

She is a special dog daughter just like my beloved dog daughter Kula (if any of you remember that I wrote about her on my blogs two years ago).
Oro is Kula’s half-sister, and she is also a service dog, just like Kula and their mother, Kin, who was my first service dog.

Oro is going to North Fork with Kin, Kula, and Dore.

Oro was very connected to her mother, Kin.
She lost her eye pigmentation a little by little when she was two years old, shortly after her mother Kin passed.
We took her to eye specialist doctors, but they could not find a cause.
She has mysterious white marble like eyes which to me are so special.
She sees when there is no light, but in the daylight, she can’t see well, the way we need sunglasses in bright daylight.
We bought two different sunglasses for her, but she did not like any of them.

Oro with beautiful white marble eyes.

Wherever we take her out, everyone loves and all other dogs love her too.

She is very polite and kind.

When we became a foster family for Leo from Golden Retriever rescue, he fell in love with Oro so we had to adopt him.

They really care for each other and Leo even shares his food with Oro.

Oro is a very smart dog so I took her to K9 Nose Work training when she turned 9 years old so she can use her brain.
Although she was not quick to find an object, she was methodical so she won’t miss anything so the trainer was amazed by Oro’s ability even she can’t see well daylight.

She did not know how to swim, so Eric had to teach her.
She mastered it pretty quickly and came to love swimming.
When we go to Manzanita lake in North Fork she never wants to leave until she is the last one by herself, and then she would realize that she has to leave.

Oro, her boyfriend, Leo and her daughter, Lumi (right to left) at Manzanita Lake in North Fork, CA.

She also loves to go hiking.
This year she joined one of the small dogs’ groups because she is so kind and nurturing to small dogs and she really had a great senior life.

Oro hiking on July 30, 2018

About one month and a half ago (July 12th), when I was cutting her nails (I cut my dogs’ nails once a month) and checked her body and was shocked to find a lump on her abdomen.
She had had a blood test a month ago and everything was good so I was surprised, but I know that a blood test goes not show everything.

Because of what I went through with Kula two years ago, who had spleen cancer (hemangiosarcoma) my mind blacked out, and I went to a place I did not want to go in that moment.

Typical hemangiosarcoma signs are lethargy, fever, weight loss, fatigue, petechial hemorrhage (small bleeding points on the gums or skin), anemia, diarrhea, increased urination, frequent infections, easy bleeding, pain or fullness in the left upper abdomen that may spread to the left shoulder or leg, and feeling full without eating or after eating only a small amount from the enlarged spleen pressing on the stomach. It is a rapid growth of the tumor and may make the spleen rupture spontaneously, with acute collapse and breathing difficulty that is life-threatening.

Oro has good energy and doesn’t tire easily, and she has not lost her weight. Fortunately, she has no fever or diarrhea, no abnormal urination, no anemia, etc. Kula, on the other hand, had lost weight, was tired, had a fever, and could not walk much because the tumor got big and pushed her hips.

What I found out about hemangiosarcoma in dogs from experience with Kula.

Hemangiosarcomas are fed by the blood vessels and fill with blood. Because of this, the tumor can rupture, leading to sudden and severe hemorrhage, collapse, and rapid death. Often, owners do not realize their dog is affected by the sudden hemorrhage or collapse.

It is very scary since it can happen so suddenly.
But I told myself that Oro has so far not shown the symptoms associated with spleen cancer so she will be okay.

The next day I brought her to the beach, which she loves the most.
Watching her enjoy the beach so much, I prayed that she is okay.

Oro at CVG before she was diagnosed with spleen cancer.

The following week, Eric and I took her to see a veterinarian, who said it looks and feels like spleen cancer (hemangiosarcoma) so Oro needed to have an x-ray and ultrasound.
She recommended me to take Oro to Veterinarian Cancer Group (VCG).

“No! Please, not Oro.
She looks so healthy and energetic,” my inner voice cried out.

But I found out that some dogs do not have any symptoms of hemangiosarcomas.

We were able to get a VCG appointment next day on Sunday, and while we were waiting for the results of the x-ray and ultrasound, I knew that no matter what, I am committed and ready to help her the way I helped Kula every step of the way until she took her last breath.

The VCG doctor confirmed that Oro has hemangiosarcoma which had already spread to the liver, so there was nothing they could do.

It will be lying if I said I have been there so I am not in a panic, but I feel I am all right and will continue to take care of myself, one day at a time, and sometimes one moment at a time, so that I can have the power and strength to take care of Oro.

This summer is almost over…we really did not do much.
Eric got injured and was not able to do much for 7 weeks.
My new medication for Hepatitis C issue was ups and down since my insurance did not cover and it cost over $90,000 for three months, next door is under construction so I feel there is no peaceful moment at home, more and Oro’s cancer.

It has been over one month since I found her lump on Oro’s abdomen.
She had a blood leakage episode five times in the last three weeks.
It’s scary each time.
I am learning to live today might be the last day for Oro and be grateful and have gratitude each day! It is not easy, but I am doing my best.

I did it for myself last summer when I was getting Lymphoma treatment.

But Oro is a fighter!
Like Mother, Like Daughter!!!

Last weekend on Sat. it took 9 hours for Oro to regain herself and yesterday Monday, it took 20 hours for her to regain her mobility.

Oro is trying to rest after Reiki and Moxibustion in an aromatherapy diffuser room.

Today, she is a little weak, but happy again and eating a full meal.

I have been giving her Yunnan Baiyao Chinese medicine and other herbal blend medicine prescribed for Oro by Holistic veterinarian Dr. Lane. When an acute moment came I used Yunnan Baiyao emergency small pills to stop the bleeding. I did not know how to use it when I started to use it for Kula so I have learned some since then so I am grateful that Oro has overcome five times so far.

When she had a bleeding episode two days before her 12 years birthday,
I told her that her birthday was coming.
She said “Mommy, I know that. I am not ready to leave yet so help me like you did Kula!”
We went to celebrate her birthday on the beach for sunset.
She met many people and dogs and greeted everyone so I told them it was her birthday.
She was so happy everytime somebody said to her “Happy Birthday!”

Birthday special sunset beach to celebrate Oro’s birthday and my mother’s 12 years memorial!

Eric and Oro for Oro’s birthday beach walk!

I want to help her as much as she wants to live so I am spending my time with precious Oro by talking (I have been learning Animal communication with Lydia Hiby), making special healing food, giving her Reiki, Moxibustion, gentle shiatsu massage (Healthy Happy Pooch book shows dog meridian points), also I made her personally Bach flower remedy so she does not have to worry so much.

She loves Reiki and Moxibustion so much and she is waiting for me right now so I got to go…

I am so grateful to be Oro’s human mommy!
I thank Oro so much that she came to my life!

Hiking with Oro!

Love,

Sanae

Looking Back at 2016

Life’s challenges come just like the waves of the ocean.
Some are big, and some are small.
2016 is almost over.
Eric and I had an opportunity to look back over the whole past year.

I wish I could write about how wonderful 2016 was, but I want to share our real life and true feelings and be honest about the many challenges we had.

The last month of the year, I usually feel sad and unable to match the outside world of cheerful faces and holiday gatherings, so I tend to stay home more, be with my dogs and cats family, and do knitting/crocheting or other hand-making projects. But two weeks ago, I was feeling run-down and unable to do what I wanted to do my daily chore.
I told Eric that I was not feeling well, and he responded, “Okay,” and then he started talking about a GoPro he was trying to get with his credit card reward points. I asked him what he meant by “Okay,” and he did not have much of an answer. We ended up having an argument that did not make any sense. We felt frustrated because we argued over nothing, and because of our argument, our cat Mai Mai got scared and started peeing all over. Tin Tin laid down in his litter box and not coming out for a few hours.

Mai Mai peed all over the house about a year ago also, when we did not know what to do with our Seed Kitchen business and we were very stressed out, so I knew this must be from stress again.
It took about a week, but I realized that I was not the only one feeling sad and tired. Eric also felt sad, tired and grieving. Eric almost never gets sick or takes sick days off from work, but he had a dry cough (which usually comes from grieving) and fever, and he had to take a day off. I was weak and had no motivation to do much. We both had bad dreams.

What did we do?
We nurtured ourselves with respect and friendly manners—meaning no arguments.
We made special remedy drinks (Lotus Root), homeopathy (Ignatia Amara for grieving), and cooked healing food, our garden wintergreen Shungiku water sauteed ; we took a warm bath with Bach Flower (Rescue Remedy and Honeysuckle) and Aromatherapy oils (Mandarin, Lavender and Clary Sage) ; we stayed in bed with a hot water bottle and slept; when we were awake, we watched good movies and cuddled; we meditated in bed and just saw our feelings as they were. We also cried and rested with our five dogs and two cats. They totally understood us and never complained. They comforted and rested with us. I think they needed this family bonding. Mai Mai stopped peeing all over.

Looking back at 2016, we realized what we lost this year was big—from my completely cracking a tooth while having a nightmare, to losing our beloved dog daughter Kula and our lifetime work Seed Kitchen. Life has struggles, no matter what; it is up to us to live as though this is a beautiful struggle or a miserable struggle.

Today, we decided that our life is a beautiful struggle, and we appreciate what we still have—I still have 31 teeth out of 32—so I am ready to move forward to 2017.

Whatever you are going through, I hope you are able to look at the bright side.
If you are not able to do so, take a rest and please nurture yourself like I am doing for myself now; that is the best remedy you can give yourself.

Thank you for your support and being our friends and family.

Wishing you a healthy and happy New Year 2017!

Love, Sanae💖

Kula, Golden Retriever’s 49th-Day Memorial

Kula came into my life when I was in my wheelchair in 2003 after I had a near-fatal car crash. Her mother, Kin, was my service dog. After Kin departed, I wished for Kula to be my service dog. She was a very shy and quiet puppy, so even during the two years that we took her to training, I was not sure if she could be a service dog. But she worked to build her confidence and passed the test.

Kula’s 49th-Day Gathering register desk with friends wishes for Kula.

Kula was the most gentle, smart and kind dog I’ve ever met. She became not only my service dog—opening the door, picking up things I dropped—but also my beloved dog daughter, who was there for me every day to enjoy her life with us. She loved going to the beach, on mountain hikes, swimming, diving into Manzanita Lake, and enjoying the snow. We had a beautiful life together for 13 years.

I felt much sadness after Kula departed on August 1, 2016.

I wanted to honor her life and process my grief and longing through a memorial gathering with my husband Eric and others who’d loved her all her life.

Kula used to go to senior homes, where she made many people happy, as well as to the Santa Monica Farmers Market, where she’d meet children and let them feed her organic apples.

Please read about her going to senior homes and Santa Monica Farmers Market on my blog.

This is the memorial card I made for the friends/guests with her favorite flowers: plumeria and white hibiscus.

Here is Kula’s photo album “Kula’s Beautiful Life”, which I made with Eric. It contains 84 pages and 214 photos.

We had 26 guests, and we got all kinds of great food (everything was vegan, except one dish). I made Kula’s favorite hijiki dish, and Eric made Kula Cake—vanilla flavor with almond cream.

These below photos were taking by our good friend, Claire Johnson.

Sanae (me) and Eric with Eric’s Kula Cake and all the potluck food!

Vadaka

Jeff and Phung and their daughter, Quyen and son, Khai with Kula’s sister, Oro, Jessica, Florence and Manuela…

Masano and Rin.

Sanae (me) and Allison with Kula’s nephew, Bubu

Michellee and her mom.

Sanae (me) with Kula’s dog family Health Happy Pooches (let to right Bubu, Happy, Oro, Leo and Lumi).

Sal & Mariko with Kula’s grand niece, Happy.

Stephanie, Sally, and Karin.

John, Carole, Manuela and Jessica…

Eric with powerful vegan ladies: Chef AJ, Armaiti, Shayda and Lisa

Michiyo, Dan, Masako and Yoko singing and dancing

Singing Kula’s Pacific Blue

Amanda

Michiyo & Dan

Everyone put incent for Kula.

Our friends/guests shared their wishes, thoughts, and love for Kula.

I sang “Kula’s Pacific Blue” (I changed the lyrics) with Eric’s ukulele, accompanied by Dan How, our ukulele teacher.

I was nervous and made mistakes—you can see how I sang—but it was from my heart, and I really want to share it with everyone.The video was posted by Kula and our friend Chef AJ on Facebook.

Claire and I were able to retrieve it and post on Youtube so you can watch it and remember we had a fun and good memorial for Kula.

Kula’s Pacific Blue!

As I said in this video, animals have feelings and emotions, just like humans. Honoring their lives and holding memorial services help us to experience healthy grieving and learn how to be good humans.

With gratitude and love of light,

Sanae 💖