Sanae&#8217;s Story

My post mailing address for sending your card, gift or check (check payable to Eric Lechasseru):

2610A 23^rd St.

Santa Monica, CA 90405

I will not be able to personally reply to each person, but I promise I will read everyone’s messages, emails, and cards.

Love, Sanae 💖

Chemo Sucks!

I closed my eyes and tears are there silently.

Can I be honest?

No matter how positive I feel inside of me most of the time—and even with the good news I wrote in my last blog, that the Cancer is Shrinking—some days, sometimes it’s sooooo miserably hard, and I feel that getting chemo sucks.

I feel lots of guilt, and I feel like a burden to my husband, Eric. I get jealous of everyone who is enjoying life as I check Facebook, Instagram, etc., and everything irritates me!!!

I finished #4 round chemo. It was the hardest, most painful time for me to go through. After this round, I felt so damn weak, and I got depressed. My red blood cell (RBC) and hemoglobin (LabDAQ) levels got too low; that was the reason I was so weak and fatigued. I had to get another blood transfusion.

I have had PTSD since this whole cancer came from a blood transfusion in 2001 when I had a car crash in Arizona and was in a coma for three days. I was injured so badly, the doctor said I’d never walk again. I was in a wheelchair for three years, and it took a long time for me to overcome it. But what I did not know at the time was that the blood transfusion gave me hepatitis C and led to cancer I have now.

After round #2 of chemo, when I was told that I had to have a blood transfusion for the first time since 2001, I freaked out. I got so scared and could not think about anything.

I had to do deep meditation and hypnosis (by Jessica Porter) to calm down and make sense of receiving a blood transfusion to save my life. It did help my RBC and LabDAQ normalize, and I felt better, with my strength back again. One problem I had was that it gave me a rash all over my face for about one week, like when I eat sugar or dairy, so you know the blood I received was not a macrobiotic person’s blood—hahaha!

This second time receiving a blood transfusion, I was told my RBC was way too low—more than the last time. I am weaker than ever. I was not scared to receive the blood transfusion this time since the last time helped me a lot. There is always a risk, but I had no choice and there was one bit of good news: Eric donated his blood this time for me since he has the same blood type and it worked I did not get rush this time.

Eric donated his blood for me!

The blood test results were also good after the blood transfusion again, but I am still weak and very fatigue and did not get any better day this time. I only feel a little better one hour or so everyday so I go out to my garden (watering my flowers and herbs), be with my animal family and talk to Eric for a little bit.

When I get this weak I am scared and sad, and I am unable to think of good things. I feel that I may never get better. Besides all the side effects I have already been having, there are new ones: pain all over my mouth, nothing tasting good, sudden sharp pain in my legs and spine, and fever. I felt so miserable from time to time, all I could do was lie down and let my tears come out.

Chemo sucks. I am not sure if my body is able to take more chemo treatments – I have two more to do.

I noticed that when I was quiet, I could hear a buzzing noise in my head. It was like an insect noise; I was trying to remember what the sound was. It was like a quicker version of a cicada sound; a very common summer insect in Japan, it has an exceptionally loud song, produced not by stridulation, but by vibrating drumlike tymbals rapidly [Wikipedia]. This noise drove me crazy, and I was unable to sleep.

I watched Eric and felt the great stress of his fear, frustration, and sadness.
I had an argument with him over unimportant subjects.

I said to myself, “This too shall pass, this too shall pass, this too shall pass.”
One moment at a time.
I breathed out deeply and prayed and visualized to release my fear, pain, the sound of my head, and unwanted feelings of anger and sadness.
I visualized breath in good recovery, happiness, and wellness.

One moment at a time.

I breathed out deeply and prayed and visualized to release my fear, pain, the sound of my head, and unwanted feelings of anger and sadness. I visualized breath in good recovery, happiness, and wellness.

I am not sure how long it took, but the noise calmed down, and I was able to fall asleep for a while.

I gathered my strength and went out to my garden for watering.
My plumeria plant was showing beautiful flowers. The beauty of these flowers saved the moment.

Beautiful Plumeria flowers in my garden.

Yes, chemo sucks, but the plumeria said to me, “I am here for you. Thank you for watering and taking care of me even you are going through chemo. I want you to enjoy my flowers. I love you so much!”

Accepting my negative, sucky feeling is not easy at all.
It is so f** hard.
But this too shall pass…

and I will not give up.

Love, Sanae 💖

Thank you for your prayers and continuous support!

We are grateful and invite you to help us at this time by YouCaring Fundraising to Support Sanae’s Recovery from Cancer or purchasing our books directly from us to cover my medical expenses.

Here are our books:

https://www.calabasaspetcemetery.com/

My post mailing address for sending your card, gift or check (check payable to Eric Lechasseru):

2610A 23^rd St.

Santa Monica, CA 90405

I will not be able to personally reply to each person, but I promise I will read everyone’s messages, emails, and cards.

Love, Sanae 💖

The Cancer Is Shrinking!

The image PET Scan I have here is similar to what I had that my liver was taking over by cancer 90% in May. This image was taking from http://www.aboutcancer.com/pet_scan.htm

I had the latest PET Scan after #2 round chemo (in June 2017) and met with my oncologist to get the results after #3 round chemo (in July 2017, she was on her vacation so I had to wait).

The tumor was taking over 90% of my liver in the beginning (May), but the oncologist said the cancer has shrunk more than 50% and brightness is much less (I did not know that aggressive cancer shows brightness on PET Scan). I do not have an image of cancer shrunk over 50%.

My oncologist was very pleased and agreed to remove the drug Vincristine (which has a side effect of damaging the nervous systems) from my next chemotherapy (round #4).

Eric and I are happy to hear the results, and I am relieved that my oncologist decided to take out Vincristine, since I have been having so much nerve pain in my fingers, hands, toes, legs, spine, and whole body.

I have been concerned and had nightmares that the cancer did not shrink and I did not recover. No matter how much I show my positive side to you, Eric, and the whole world, I am only human. Of course, I have a moment of fear every now and then.
But this is good news to me, and I am able to focus and move forward.

One of the important things I want to share here is why the cancer has been shrinking.

I knew it was shrinking because one of my beloved cats, Mai Mai, took it out and went to heaven.
She sacrificed her life to take cancer out of my body.

Have you ever heard that cats and dogs have an acute sense of smell and have the ability to sniff out a chemical change in the body caused by disease? They can sense a change in mood, behavior, and patterns that affect daily routine. They can also sense differences in behavior, both physically and psychologically, due to an illness.

They “transfer” the illness to their own body and sacrifice their own life in order to save their human guardians.

I heard this when I was a child, and there are quite a few people who post online in Japan about how your animal family will sacrifice their own lives in order to save their human guardians.

However, in America, I cannot find any stories online like Mai Mai’s—where pets “transfer” the illness to their own body and sacrifice their own life in order to save their human guardians.

Every night, Mai Mai had been sleeping by my liver, where the tumor was after I got cancer.
She comforted me so much every day being around with me either next to me or by the bedroom window.
Mai Mai was reborn from a previous cat, Mai, who lived with me for 19 years.
Mai helped me during ovarian cancer recovery 24 years ago, and she survived a car crash with me in 2001.
When she came back as Mai Mai, I could tell it was her right away. Mai Mai loves dogs, riding in cars, and being around me all the time, just like Mai.

One night, she ate dinner as usual and I gave her a little treat that she likes after we watched the movies after the dinner.
She did not eat the treat and stayed under a cabinet and she did not want to come out so I let her stay there.
After midnight, I went to check on her, she screamed, so I held her and gave her Rescue Remedy and applied Reiki.
She calmed down and slept for a while, but she screamed again, so I gave her Rescue Remedy and applied Reiki again.
I told her, “I will call Dr. May first thing in the morning, so hang in there.”

At 4:30 am, she screamed again, and I gave her a little water. While I was giving her Reiki, she gagged out blood and passed out quickly.
I did not know exactly what happened, but she was gone.
I was so shocked and did not know what to think. It happened so suddenly.
I could not believe it.

I called her name loud and cried hard then I communicated with her right away. Mai Mai said, “Mommy, not to worry—I could only help you this way this time. I took cancer out of your body and took it to heaven. Don’t be too sad, because I am going to come back when you get better, after the chemotherapy.”
I did not know how to answer, but I said, “Thank you, Mai Mai!”
She said, “Mommy, you are welcome. I love you so much, and I thank you so much for finding me again. I know you are going to find me again.”

I have talked to my animal commnicator, Lydia Hiby. She confirmed me that Mai Mai sacrificed her life for me and she will be back.

I held her for a long time and put her in her favorite place, by the bedroom window, where she stayed most of the day with a candle and incense.
Then I took her body to Los Angeles Pet Memorial Park & Crematorium. I gave her my gratitude and told her I am waiting for her to come back again.

It was so hard to say “Good Bye” to Mai Mai.

I told my oncologist that I knew cancer was shrinking, so she asked me how I knew, and I shared Mai Mai’s story. She said she’d never heard that animals sacrifice their own lives in order to save their human guardians, but she believes it.

The cancer is shrinking because macrobiotic approaches I am still practicing every day, all of your love and the chemotherapy are working.

And no matter what, I really believe Mai Mai’s work is most effective and moving my heart to live the rest of my life.

It is important for me to share about my beloved Mai Mai here with all my heart and gratitude.

Love, Sanae 💖

Thank you for your prayers and continuous support!

We are grateful and invite you to help us at this time by YouCaring Fundraisng to Support Sanae’s Recovery from Cancer or purchasing our books directly from us to cover my medical expenses.

Here are our books:

My post mailing address for sending your card, gift or check (check payable to Eric Lechasseru):

2610A 23^rd St.

Santa Monica, CA 90405

I will not be able to personally reply to each person, but I promise I will read everyone’s messages, emails, and cards.

Love, Sanae 💖

Free Wigs for Cancer Patients

As I wrote on July 28th (the last blog: Shaving My Hair After Chemotherapy) I loved having my long hair and I had an attachment with my long hair and concerned about losing my hair when I got chemotherapy treatment.
But some of my friends said, “Just enjoy it, and get a wig in a color you never thought you would wear.”
So, I checked the internet to see what was available.
There are many sites where you can find wigs for cancer patients.
Since there is no hair, or not much hair, to hold when you wear the wig, there were instructions to wear a wig cap. My skin is very sensitive, and I did not want to wear a synthetic material cap, so I had to study a little.

While I was checking, I read on Bethany Kandel’s blog that there are free wigs for cancer patients information. One of the best offers I found was on the American Cancer Society site. I called them and got all the information I needed. They were so nice and caring. I found a local wig bank of American Cancer Society and made an appointment.

I tried many different styles.

There were mostly synthetic hair wigs since natural hair is more expensive, but it did not matter to me.
It was fun, and I picked my first official wig, which happens to be natural hair! Way to go, Sanae!!!

I did not realize that Eric was very conservative about me choosing a wig color; he wanted me to get a similar color to my own hair. So this time, I got almost the same color as my natural hair.
But you know what, I may get a pink or lavender wig for Halloween!

What do you think? LOL!

Making this chemotherapy time as one of my best experience in my life!!!

Love,
Sanae💖

Thank you for your prayers and continuous support!

We are grateful and invite you to help us at this time by YouCaring Fundraisng to Support Sanae’s Recovery from Cancer or purchasing our books directly from us to cover my medical expenses.

Here are our books:

My post mailing address for sending your card, gift or check (check payable to Eric Lechasseru):

2610A 23^rd St.

Santa Monica, CA 90405

I will not be able to personally reply to each person, but I promise I will read everyone’s messages, emails, and cards.

Love, Sanae 💖

Shaving My Hair After Chemotherapy

My mother had beautiful, long hair when I was growing up. She told me, “Your father loves long hair,” and she smiled. Her beautiful hair stays in my memory, so I enjoy growing my hair long, too.
I also found out that by having long hair, I did not have to go get my hair cut too often. It was perfect for someone lazy like me to go get a haircut every two to three months.

Before I cut my hair

When I had ovarian cancer 24 years ago, one of my good friends said, “It will be so sad to see you lose your beautiful, long hair from chemotherapy.” Fortunately, I did not have to take chemotherapy to treat the cancer, so I didn’t deal with losing hair that time.

Recently, I was diagnosed with cancer of Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma (DLBCL) Primary non-Hodgkin of Liver, Stage IV because of Hepatitis C that I got from the blood transfusion result of the car accident in 2001.

I did my best to heal with macrobiotic food and other natural remedies, but the cancer was growing too fast, so I had to make a decision to take chemotherapy. There are many side effects, and one of them was losing hair. I did not know what to think about losing my hair. It was a somewhat scary thought, since I’ve loved having my hair long most of my life. But when I saw my hair was falling out slowly everyday, I knew it was time for me to just shave.

I had an image of the famous Sinéad O’Connor’s shaved head and told myself it would maybe grow into a short Annie Lennox hairstyle after chemotherapy. They are beautiful women, so I did not feel so bad. I also researched famous women who shaved their heads, and surprisingly, there were so many of them. You can check also, if you are curious like me.

How did I do it? First, I cut my hair shorter to adjust my emotional shock. I let it stay that way for one week and got ready to shave.

Cut my hair shorter first and enjoying gardening

Who shaved my hair?

Eric!

He has been shaving his hair, so I asked him. First he said, “I don’t know how to shave nicely.” I said that shaving is one way: just shaven. There is one style I am looking for: “short.” So he said, “Okay, let’s see.”

It was a perfectly warm day to be out on the back deck. Sunlight was reflecting off my head, and I felt warm as he was shaving.

Beautiful day to be out on the deck to shave my hair

The first shaved!

Shaving my hair with fun!

Most people said I look like a Buddhist monk. I am not sure if I got enlightenment from shaving my head, but I am getting used to it. Now I scrub my head every morning and night when I do my body scrub, and I love it. I also massage my scalp, and it feels so good.

Shave head is done!

My everyday goal is making this chemotherapy period be one of my best experiences.

Love, Sanae

Thank you for your prayers and continuous support!

We are grateful and invite you to help us at this time by YouCaring Fundraisng to Support Sanae’s Recovery from Cancer or purchasing our books directly from us to cover my medical expenses.

Here are our books:

My post mailing address for sending your card, gift or check (check payable to Eric Lechasseru):

2610A 23^rd St.

Santa Monica, CA 90405

I will not be able to personally reply to each person, but I promise I will read everyone’s messages, emails, and cards.

Love, Sanae 💖

Chemotherapy & Wedding Anniversary

One month ago, June 20, was my 13^th wedding anniversary with Eric.
It was going to be in the middle of my second round of chemotherapy, so I asked Eric to celebrate a few days earlier on the weekend. I also requested that Eric makes a strawberry shortcake for us.

We had lunch with Michiyo and Nancy, and also dinner with Amanda and Jessica, to celebrate over two different meals. I wore the dress that Eric chose, and I added a pink cardigan to match my handmade rhodonite (helps emotional balance) necklace and bracelet and my amethyst and aquamarine bracelet (healing lymph and overall).

I was a little concerned that I did not look good enough for the anniversary, with my shaved head and being sick.
I told myself that I am beautiful no matter what, and what is important is how much I love Eric and appreciate him.

I am not much of a makeup person, but I decided to add color to my lips with organic hemp, which I just got at a co-op in Santa Monica. The color was very natural, and at the same time, it made my complexion much brighter. I liked the result a lot. This helped me realize I am “beautiful,” even though I have cancer and am in chemotherapy treatments. My style is to wear something comfortable with natural materials, with pastel colors to bring out my soul and add color to express my identity.

I feel that in this way, I can cheer myself up and show how much love I feel to my beloved husband, Eric, and the whole world.

I am more appreciative of my life than ever.

Thank you,

Sanae

Thank you for your prayers and continuous support!

We are grateful and invite you to help us at this time by YouCaring Fundraisng to Support Sanae’s Recovery from Cancer or purchasing our books directly from us to cover my medical expenses.

Here are our books: