Sanae’s Story |

Looking Back at 2016

Life’s challenges come just like the waves of the ocean.
Some are big, and some are small.
2016 is almost over.
Eric and I had an opportunity to look back over the whole past year.

I wish I could write about how wonderful 2016 was, but I want to share our real life and true feelings and be honest about the many challenges we had.

The last month of the year, I usually feel sad and unable to match the outside world of cheerful faces and holiday gatherings, so I tend to stay home more, be with my dogs and cats family, and do knitting/crocheting or other hand-making projects. But two weeks ago, I was feeling run-down and unable to do what I wanted to do my daily chore.
I told Eric that I was not feeling well, and he responded, “Okay,” and then he started talking about a GoPro he was trying to get with his credit card reward points. I asked him what he meant by “Okay,” and he did not have much of an answer. We ended up having an argument that did not make any sense. We felt frustrated because we argued over nothing, and because of our argument, our cat Mai Mai got scared and started peeing all over. Tin Tin laid down in his litter box and not coming out for a few hours.

Mai Mai peed all over the house about a year ago also, when we did not know what to do with our Seed Kitchen business and we were very stressed out, so I knew this must be from stress again.
It took about a week, but I realized that I was not the only one feeling sad and tired. Eric also felt sad, tired and grieving. Eric almost never gets sick or takes sick days off from work, but he had a dry cough (which usually comes from grieving) and fever, and he had to take a day off. I was weak and had no motivation to do much. We both had bad dreams.

What did we do?
We nurtured ourselves with respect and friendly manners—meaning no arguments.
We made special remedy drinks (Lotus Root), homeopathy (Ignatia Amara for grieving), and cooked healing food, our garden wintergreen Shungiku water sauteed ; we took a warm bath with Bach Flower (Rescue Remedy and Honeysuckle) and Aromatherapy oils (Mandarin, Lavender and Clary Sage) ; we stayed in bed with a hot water bottle and slept; when we were awake, we watched good movies and cuddled; we meditated in bed and just saw our feelings as they were. We also cried and rested with our five dogs and two cats. They totally understood us and never complained. They comforted and rested with us. I think they needed this family bonding. Mai Mai stopped peeing all over.

Looking back at 2016, we realized what we lost this year was big—from my completely cracking a tooth while having a nightmare, to losing our beloved dog daughter Kula and our lifetime work Seed Kitchen. Life has struggles, no matter what; it is up to us to live as though this is a beautiful struggle or a miserable struggle.

Today, we decided that our life is a beautiful struggle, and we appreciate what we still have—I still have 31 teeth out of 32—so I am ready to move forward to 2017.

Whatever you are going through, I hope you are able to look at the bright side.
If you are not able to do so, take a rest and please nurture yourself like I am doing for myself now; that is the best remedy you can give yourself.

Thank you for your support and being our friends and family.

Wishing you a healthy and happy New Year 2017!

Love, Sanae💖

Kula’s 100th-Day Memorial

In Buddhist tradition, the 100th-day memorial is prominent after the 49th-day memorial. (I wrote about what we did for Kula for 49th-Day Memorial here)

Kulas Albums with 214 photos in 84 pages.

We express our affection and gratitude to Kula—who departed on August 1, 2016—in a natural manifestation of untainted and pure emotion. This is an occasion for sincere and deep reflection on life and death.

The 100th-day memorial is a time to sort out clothing and other items that belonged to the deceased and share them with others, sending gratitude to family and friends. After 100 days, you are supposed to stop crying.

I washed Kula’s collar, towels, and bed and gave them to other dogs.

I decided to send Kula’s 49th-day memorial cards—with my calligraphy and art envelopes—to family and friends who could not come.

That took time, but I completed!

Sending Kula’s card with my calligraphy and art envelopes.

I feel Kula’s existence every day, but I felt it, even more, when I celebrated her 100th-day memorial. I practiced yoga felt Kula that morning so strongly and my tears came down as missing her…

We went to the beach restaurant where we used to go with Kula.

It was a warm day, even though it is November, so there was no parking by the beach. I called to Kula and asked her to find parking, and she gave us a perfect parking spot in a second. We knew Kula was an angle, but now she is also a parking angel!

Eric & Happy at the beach

We decided to take Happy along with us since Happy has received the most influence from Kula since they walked together everyday for a few years; we went to the water after dinner and called to Kula!

Kula loved the beach so much, and we went to the beach with her for many years…we felt that she was there enjoying herself even now.

We thank Kula for her life and memories.

Kula’s favorite plumeria flowers are still blooming this year!

With love and Kula’s favorite plumeria flowers (even November they are still blooming this year),

Sanae💖

Kula, Golden Retriever’s 49th-Day Memorial

Kula came into my life when I was in my wheelchair in 2003 after I had a near-fatal car crash. Her mother, Kin, was my service dog. After Kin departed, I wished for Kula to be my service dog. She was a very shy and quiet puppy, so even during the two years that we took her to training, I was not sure if she could be a service dog. But she worked to build her confidence and passed the test.

Kula’s 49th-Day Gathering register desk with friends wishes for Kula.

Kula was the most gentle, smart and kind dog I’ve ever met. She became not only my service dog—opening the door, picking up things I dropped—but also my beloved dog daughter, who was there for me every day to enjoy her life with us. She loved going to the beach, on mountain hikes, swimming, diving into Manzanita Lake, and enjoying the snow. We had a beautiful life together for 13 years.

I felt much sadness after Kula departed on August 1, 2016.

I wanted to honor her life and process my grief and longing through a memorial gathering with my husband Eric and others who’d loved her all her life.

Kula used to go to senior homes, where she made many people happy, as well as to the Santa Monica Farmers Market, where she’d meet children and let them feed her organic apples.

Please read about her going to senior homes and Santa Monica Farmers Market on my blog.

This is the memorial card I made for the friends/guests with her favorite flowers: plumeria and white hibiscus.

Here is Kula’s photo album “Kula’s Beautiful Life”, which I made with Eric. It contains 84 pages and 214 photos.

We had 26 guests, and we got all kinds of great food (everything was vegan, except one dish). I made Kula’s favorite hijiki dish, and Eric made Kula Cake—vanilla flavor with almond cream.

These below photos were taking by our good friend, Claire Johnson.

Sanae (me) and Eric with Eric’s Kula Cake and all the potluck food!

Vadaka

Jeff and Phung and their daughter, Quyen and son, Khai with Kula’s sister, Oro, Jessica, Florence and Manuela…

Masano and Rin.

Sanae (me) and Allison with Kula’s nephew, Bubu

Michellee and her mom.

Sanae (me) with Kula’s dog family Health Happy Pooches (let to right Bubu, Happy, Oro, Leo and Lumi).

Sal & Mariko with Kula’s grand niece, Happy.

Stephanie, Sally, and Karin.

John, Carole, Manuela and Jessica…

Eric with powerful vegan ladies: Chef AJ, Armaiti, Shayda and Lisa

Michiyo, Dan, Masako and Yoko singing and dancing

Singing Kula’s Pacific Blue

Amanda

Michiyo & Dan

Everyone put incent for Kula.

Our friends/guests shared their wishes, thoughts, and love for Kula.

I sang “Kula’s Pacific Blue” (I changed the lyrics) with Eric’s ukulele, accompanied by Dan How, our ukulele teacher.

I was nervous and made mistakes—you can see how I sang—but it was from my heart, and I really want to share it with everyone.The video was posted by Kula and our friend Chef AJ on Facebook.

Claire and I were able to retrieve it and post on Youtube so you can watch it and remember we had a fun and good memorial for Kula.

Kula’s Pacific Blue!

As I said in this video, animals have feelings and emotions, just like humans. Honoring their lives and holding memorial services help us to experience healthy grieving and learn how to be good humans.

With gratitude and love of light,

Sanae 💖

Yoga for My Life

I have always acted like an athletic person, even though I was not. I am a pretty lazy person who can continue watching movies all day long and use my bed as my office and a dining space. I was also very overweight when I was a teenager till mid 20’s. But I have always been curious and want to try many things; yoga was one of the subjects I wanted to try. When I was in college in 1981, I tried yoga for the first time at Harriman Studio on Santa Monica Blvd in Los Angeles.

Yoga was different from anything I knew, and after I tried it, something changed. It was not like other exercises I’d tried, but it stretched my body and made me feel lighter. At that time, I did not know why I liked it so much, other than it just made me feel good. I do not want to say “natural high,” but a feeling of highness comes from inside of me.

I really enjoyed how I felt, and how my body felt after practice. But I continued for only a short time back then, because I did not feel comfortable in a dark room (maybe it would be different if I’d gone to morning classes, but I went only in the late afternoons), with the carpeted floors and the smell of too much incense. Also, the people practicing yoga there looked very different from me, and I did not understand many things that they and the teacher were saying. I was just faking and trying to fit in, but I did not feel that I fit there.

I never forgot how I felt from the yoga practice I did, so I was always seeking a different yoga studio ( I wish Goggle existed that time…hahaha), but there was nothing that close to where I lived. In 1987, I found a new studio in Santa Monica, called Yoga Works. I was so happy and loved their bright studio, with its natural light and wood floor. I really enjoyed it and knew yoga was helping me so much—not just physically, but mentally and emotionally—because I was going through a very tough time with the separation from my first husband, as well as the passing of my father and one of my dogs. If I had not practiced yoga regularly, I am not sure how I would have survived. I did not think very deeply; I just practiced and practiced.

That’s what I did till I started feeling tired in 1992 and, gradually, became unable to do much yoga practice. I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 1993. It was a hard time for me when I was not able to do yoga; I had to rest a lot and accept that I had cancer. I was scared and depressed. I did not know what to do. Then I found macrobiotics, and my focus changed to learn more and more about that. I did not forget yoga, but I had to focus and heal through the nourishing food.

I started yoga again in 1994 when I went to a macrobiotic conference and took yoga classes there. I felt so good, and I knew I needed to practice again. I went back to Yoga Works and took many different workshops. I was enjoying practicing yoga once again, and now I also had macrobiotics.

In 2001, I was feeling good. I had just put together my cooking studio in Santa Monica, called Studio Mugen. (Mugen means “infinity” in Japanese. My macrobiotic teacher, Michio Kushi, said we all came from infinity and will go back to it. So, I wanted to call our life here “infinity,” because everything changes.) Around the same time, I took a macrobiotic counselor training with Michio Kushi at Kushi Institute in Becket, MA.

But on the way back from the training, I had a nearly fatal car accident in the Arizona desert. I was driving with my three dogs and one cat; two of the dogs died in the crash, and I was in a coma for three days. I was later told that my heart stopped a few times, once for 12 minutes. My heart and lungs were injured badly by the accident they were not able to function without mechanically and all the ribs on the left side were broken, and my both legs and ankles sustained compound fractures. The doctor said unfortunately, I may never walk again. I was so shocked, I resented that I did not die from the car accident. It took me a long time to feel that I wanted to live again. All I knew was the love of my best friend at that time—Eric, who is my husband now; and my dog Kin and cat Mai, who survived the car accident; and other friends, and my family in Japan, who supported me so much.

650 Sanae in wheelchair with Kin, Kula and Dore

My wheelchair and Kin with her new puppies, Dore and Kula.

It took a long time, but in 2003, I found a yoga class that I could go to with my wheelchair; I started to go, taking special transportation for a disabled person. I was back to practicing yoga, even though I was in a wheelchair. I am very proud of myself for continuing my practice and making my goal to walk again for my wedding with Eric on June 20, 2004. Everyone was so happy to see me walk “the virgin road” (what we call the aisle in Japan) with my brother’s support and the cane, which was decollated with satin ribbons to match my wedding dress. Of course, eating healthy and nutritious foods has helped me a lot, but yoga has helped with my physical movement, as well as relaxing my mind. I also got much more strength from practicing yoga, so I have less leg and ankle pain, and I sleep better.

With my yoga teacher training teachers Nancy (left) and Kyra (right).

It was a long detour, but when my 60^th birthday came last year, I decided to take yoga teacher training—which I’d first thought about 20 years ago. I was concerned about whether I’d be able to complete the training and pass the test now, given my injured legs and ankles. So, I carefully planned a one-year mission.

Graduation Potluck Party

Yoga Teacher Traning with Jaime Elmer in Santa Monica Yoga

Finding the right yoga studio was very important for me, so I checked many places around Santa Monica and found Santa Monica Yoga Studio. I was grateful to find a studio near my house, so I could walk or bike there to practice. I also found knowledgeable and kind teachers: Nancy Goodstein, Kyra Haglund, Jamie Elmer and Luke Ketterhagen. It was one of my best years physically since the car accident when I was able to practice yoga regularly and feel good about myself. I am so thankful that I did not give up yoga because of my serious injuries and instead kept practicing whatever I could, even when I was in my wheelchair. Yoga has been helping me every day; yoga is for my life.

My yoga teacher training main teacher, Nancy Goodstein wrote for me…

I have a saying about Sanae, “Do not underestimate Sanae.” She is quite petite, but crazy strong. She is deeply passionate and serious about all her undertakings, but she almost always makes me laugh. I am her teacher, but I consistently learn from her. Sanae has an ability to articulate both the physical and emotional world and make one feel that the healing that needs to be done is possible and that the route need not be painful. That her patience, wisdom and strength will lead you to heal in a beautiful and peaceful way.”

With my yoga teacher training teachers, Nancy (right) and Jaime (left).

I am very happy to announce that I have completed yoga teacher training and passed the test. My official yoga class starts Thursday, September 1, from 12:15–1:15 pm. Then Thursday, September 22, from 12:15–1:15 pm and also Sunday, October 2, from 2:30–3:45 pm. The classes will be at Santa Monica Yoga Studio, 1640 Ocean Park Blvd, Santa Monica, 90405. The fee is $5/person to cover the studio space. I hope you will join. I also want to offer a donation-based class in the park near my house soon.

Love, Sanae 💖

Kula, Golden Retriever, Life with Her Cancer Part 1

Kula is a golden retriever and service/therapy dog.

She has been raised on organic homemade foods（Healthy Happy Pooch) in natural environments of no chemical or GMO with her family of five dogs and two cats.

Kula in the center of front row

Since she was a puppy, Kula has been a smart and lovable dog with a gentle, kind and calm soul. As a service dog, she has been making everybody smile during her visits to senior homes and the Santa Monica Farmers Market for many years. She has also supported me while I had to use a wheelchair and canes to walk after a near-fatal car accident. Her nature is a bit shy and quiet, but she has been fulfilling her role as a good service/therapy dog, as well as a beloved member of our family, with her unconditional love.

Kula at Santa Monica Farmers Market

After her 13^th birthday on May 16, 2016, she had her annual check up. She had started limping. Her holistic veterinarian doctor Sally Lane told us that Kula does not seem to have any bone problem causing the limping, but her blood test shows that she has anemia and internal bleeding. We were referred to an animal special internal medicine hospital for an ultrasound and x-ray test. On May 18, 2016, we were shocked to learn that Kula has spleen cancer, “Hemangiosarcoma.”

Hemangiosarcoma of the spleen is highly metastatic and malignant vascular neoplasms-tumors in the blood vessels that arise from the endothelial cells – the cells that line the interior surface of blood vessels. It is an aggressive, malignant tumor of blood vessel cells. Kula’s cancer had already spread to her both lungs. Usually, hemangiosarcoma can be successfully treated by surgical removal of the tumor. Chemotherapy is often used in addition to surgical excision if the veterinarian was not able to remove the entire tumor or it has penetrated into the subcutaneous tissue or muscles below the skin. Radiation therapy is also used to treat dermal hemangiosarcoma. In Kula’s case, since it had already spread to the lungs, surgery was not recommended. Dr. Hadar of the special internal medicine hospital told me that Kula’s life span will be 2 weeks to 2 months.

Kula was so happy to see Dr. Lane

As I wrote in my blog about her diagnosis on May 29, 2016, I was so sad and did not know what to think in the beginning, but I realized that it is not the time for me to feel bad because Kula is still with us, and she is still enjoying eating her healing food, being outside and watching the hummingbirds every evening, and going on walks whenever she can, and moving her tail when greeting people who come to our house.

It has been 2 months since Kula was diagnosed with hemangiosarcoma. I have been using all of my knowledge as an of whole health macrobiotic counselor and nutritionist and getting help from Dr. Lane, Dr. May and animal communicator Lydia Hiby. I have read many books, blogs, and Internet information about hemangiosarcoma.

Cause of dog cancer factors that I found:

Carcinogens & toxins found in commercially manufactured foods
Indigestible and other “non-species appropriate” ingredients
Malnutrition, due to malabsorption, from an inappropriate diet
Lack of whole food sources and variety
Environmental pollutants, especially herbicides/weed killers, and flea/tick products
Too many vaccinations
Breed Genetics & immune system dysfunction

Dr. Lane (my main holistic vet) and Dr. Hadar ( a conventional vet of the special internal medicine hospital) both said since five of Kula’s brothers died from cancer at a much younger age, and most golden retrievers get cancer because of a genetic propensity, Kula may have succumbed to that. I also believe that Kula’s case the vaccinations and flea/tick controls products I have given when she was younger when I did not know much about how much the vaccinations and flea/tick controls products affected dog’s health.

I was surprised to found out that many dogs who had Hemangiosarcoma and had surgery did not live much longer (average was two months), so it may be the best thing that Kula could not have surgery, like me.

Since I did not have any experience of counseling clients who had spleen cancer, I decided to talk to my friend, Mr. Isogai, who is a macrobiotic counselor in Japan with experience of macrobiotic healing counseling for over 6000 people. He does not have much experience with animals, but I was able to receive confirmation and gather some information from his experiences which I could apply to Kula.

What I have learned from my research and from Mr. Isogai enabled me to complement the macrobiotic approach with Chinese herbal medicines, acupuncture treatments, and my intuition from communicating with Kula every day. Kula’s cancer is a yang cancer like ovarian cancer I had in 1993. Kula’s cancer spread to her lungs, so it also had yin cancer energy. I needed to focus on making her food more yin – soft and naturally sweet food for the spleen – and at the same time food that would abate the yin energy for the lungs.

Kula eating her healing food

Kula is better overall and stabilized, so she is walking short distances on her own, except when climbing stairs. She has an appetite most of the time. She has high fever time to time so I have been very careful what to do when she has a high fever.

Kula had fever (covering cold towels)

I make special healing homemade food, combining the foods she likes to eat so that she will want to eat more. She is no longer eating the same foods she was eating before, such as raw food. If she does not like the food she will spit it out to let me know that I need to come up with the recipe that she likes and will enjoy especially when she has high fever. If your dog gets sick, it is normal for her or him to not want to eat as before, so we must make adjustments to whet the appetite.

Kula is standing her own and eating her food

Here is the list of what I have been doing for Kula:

1.Macrobiotics

1) Healing food for spleen and lung cancer (also when she has high fever)

2) Healing Beverage

3) Massage her gums

4) Body scrub

5) Do-in exercise

6) Shiatsu

7) Remedy drinks

8) External remedy

2. Chinese herbal medicines for her spleen cancer, lungs, and blood builders provide by Dr. Lane

3. Homeopathy medicine

4. Bach Flower remedies

5. Essential oils

6. Acupuncture by Dr. Lane and Dr. May

7. Reiki

8. Moxibustion

9. Healing music

10. Healing power stone necklace and bracelets

11. Positive enforcement words

12. Manifesting “Arigatou” chanting

13, Animal Communication

Kula likes Lotus Remedy Drink

As you can see my day is pretty full. I need to organize my day and monitor Kula and at the same time enjoy my day, practicing my meditation, yoga; keep up my work for Seed Kitchen’s business, teaching, counseling people and dogs/cats; and spend time with my friends and family, consisting of my husband Eric and five other dogs and two cats.

Kula with her family

It is surely a challenge to take care of Kula’s condition.
Perhaps it is not easy to keep a balance, but because of Kula’s cancer I am more focused, and I feel so satisfied to be able to do what I can for her in the midst of my hectic daily routine.
I am grateful to Kula, who gives and teaches me unconditional love every day.

Love,

Sanae

Wedding Anniversary

Usually we celebrate our wedding anniversary by going someplace special and exchanging traditional anniversary gifts, followed by dinner at the Shutters hotel, where we had our wedding dinner with family and close friends in 2004.
This year, we felt we should do something different.

Our eldest dog, Kula, was diagnosed with spleen cancer last month (I wrote about her here, with two weeks to two months to live. So, we wanted to take a video of how I have been taking care of her every day. The first one shows me giving her shiatsu and Do-in exercise. I posted it on Facebook and got more than 1,700 views in one day, so I also posted it on YouTube to help other dogs.

It was a wonderful way to start our wedding anniversary. This marks 12 years, for which the traditional gift is silk/linen or pearls, but we broke the traditional gift exchange by giving each other stand-up paddle boards (SUP) and going paddling in Marina del Rey with our dog Lumi. Eric found two used SUP boards at a reasonable price on Craigslist, and it was in Manhattan Beach, so we decided to drive there as our wedding anniversary event. They were the perfect size, so we got them and went to Marina del Rey with Lumi right away. They were sturdy boards and heavy, so it was not easy for Eric to put them on his car, but he is such a strong guy!

It was a great day for us to go all the way out by the Burton Chace Park area to paddle. I wish we had photos to show you, but we were too busy paddling. Lumi was good at balancing, and popular with everyone who passed us, since she was so cute in her life jacket. I think I did pretty well, too, for a beginner; I did not fall at all. It was an absolutely different anniversary than usual, and we enjoyed it so much. Here is a photo that a woman from Sweden took of us.

We learned that day that it is all right to break tradition, as long as we are enjoying our lives together and still celebrating our special anniversaries!

Happy Anniversary to anyone celebrating also!

Love, Sanae