Sanae&#8217;s Story

My post mailing address for sending your card, gift or check (payable to Eric Lechasseur) :

2610A 23^rd St.

Santa Monica, CA 90405

I will not be able to personally reply to each person, but I promise I will read everyone’s messages, emails, and cards.

Love, Sanae 💖

To be continued: Feeling Better After Chemotherapy and Neulasta

My First Chemotherapy

After I was diagnosed only weeks to live because of cancer of Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma (DLBCL) Primary non-Hodgkin of Liver, stage IV because of Hepatitis C that I got from the blood transfusion result of the car accident in 2001. I had to be hospitalized right a way by a wheelchair since I was not able to walk anymore.

My first two days at the UCLA Medical Center in Santa Monica, I had to have more tests to make sure my body was strong and suitable to take EPOCH + Rituximab chemotherapy (five days chemotherapy for 24 hours a day).

There were so many blood tests, and they pricked my vein totally 12 times the first day. I was dehydrated, and it was not easy to find a good vein. They put on a temporary PICC line finally the next day, so they would not have to poke so many of my veins anymore.

Temporary PICC line

It was incredible to find out that the PET/CT scan test showed ovarian cancer from 24 years ago, as well as heart and lung damage from my car crash 16 years ago. I had to take the ultra sound of my heart to make sure my heart is strong enough for the chemo. I have hepatitis C, and they told me I need to treat it once I get better from Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma (DLBCL) Primary non-Hodgkin of Liver. They wanted to make sure I do not have hepatitis B, because if I have it, then I would not be able to get chemotherapy. I did not ask why, but the test showed I did not have hepatitis B.

PICC line for chemo

The Rituximab chemo was scheduled to start late Sunday afternoon, just before sunset. I got permission to go outside into the hospital courtyard with Eric and my friend Nancy before the Rituximab chemo. I thought I even had time to go home to see my dogs and cats family, but Eric and Nancy would not risk taking me

When I came to the hospital I was too weak and I was not able to walk, but can you believe that I was able to walk after two days in the hospital with the fluid to revers my acidic condition to more alkaline? I was greatful to the modern western medicine to help me.

I thought even had time to go home to see my dogs and cats family, but Eric and Nancy would not risk taking me home. They convinced me not to leave the hospital so I wouldn’t miss the chemo. I made a little laughing remark, “What a treasure to have my husband Eric and friend Nancy, who are more conscious than I, so I would not miss the chemo, hahaha!”

So, what did I do?

I walked around the courtyard and practiced yoga on the grass.

What a beautiful feeling, and the smell of ocean breath (the UCLA Medical Center in Santa Monica was on 16th and Arizona St. so close enough from the ocean), earth and grass. I was ready to receive chemo.

Yoga before chemotherapy

When I came back to the room, my nurse said, “You are back!.”

I said to her, “You must have trained my husband and friend so I could not even leave the hospital.”

“They were well trained,” she said. “By the way, I heard that someone was doing yoga in the courtyard. It must be you!”

I had just been down in the courtyard, and another nurse had seen me and told her. I said, “I can’t believe you already know that I was doing yoga.”

“Of course,” she said, smiling. “I think only you would do yoga in the courtyard before chemotherapy.”

I prepared my room by hanging my crystal balls on the medicine hanger and by the window, set my healing gemstones and aromatherapy diffuser with Bach Flower Rescue Remedy Club Apple and essential oil of frankincense (frankincense supports liver).

My hospital room shelf

I also put on the shelf a photo of Eric and the dogs to make me feel good about starting chemotherapy. I was not sure what all the nurses and doctors might say about it, but believe it or not, all the nurses loved my crystals, gemstones, and aromatherapy diffuser. They all wanted to come to heal themselves.

My nurse said Rituximab usually takes four to five hours for most people, but my doctors planned for 12 hours for me. I reacted to the Benadryl (they use it before Rituximab). It was a very scary feeling of my veins moving all over; at the same time, I felt drowsy and could not even move and talk clearly.

Reaction to the Benadryl shot- I had to closed my eyes for while

I FaceTimed Eric and told him what was happening he quickly show me how my animal family were doing at home, which helped me so much. I was not scared anymore.

I did not have many side effects, except a little itchiness on my left hand. Just being in the hospital was not easy. I missed the smell of my house, Eric, my dog and cat family, and the garden of trees and flowers. I made sure to meditate, even though I was lying down. I made my first day chemo!

EPOCH chemo started next day of late Monday afternoon. It was an orange color, like sunset. I said to a nurse that it is a beautiful color, so I know it will help me heal. She said, “I never thought of the color of chemotherapy liquid as beautiful. I wish all the patients were positive like you.” I just wanted to feel good in me before this chemical was going to be inside me.

EPOCH chemo. liquid

It was smooth sailing in the beginning, but I felt very heavy and dark as the night got deeper. When I closed my eyes I saw the deepest dark (more darker than black) with orange speckles moving so quickly all over. It was so scary and unbearable feeling, like an intruder was coming into my body slowly and could destroy me. I had to hold the tube of orange chemo liquid in my hand, and I started to talk: I know you can help me, but I am feeling very heavy and dark right now, since I do not know you yet. Please help me to heal, but do not destroy my good cells. I know you can do it.

I also repeated the Serenity Prayer over and over:

God, grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change…
Courage to change the things I can,
And Wisdom to know the difference.

And also said,

This too shall pass, this too shall pass, this too shall pass…….

By morning, I had minor reactions—a little stomach discomfort, nausea and constipation—but my blood test showed that I did pretty well with my first day of EPOCH. I thanked to orange chemo liquid.

I noticed that I gained some weight from the fluid they had been giving me; overall, I gained 10 pounds in water content over three days. As you see the photos I looked very good.

I did a body scrub every morning, but I felt it was not enough. So after meditation, I did some gentle yoga and massaged my legs and feet. I walked/marched after breakfast and lunch, which made me happy and gave also a smile to people who passed me. Doing all these things made me able to not have blood clot shots everyday or have to take laxatives and a few other medications.

My walk/march after breakfast and lunch (you can see her crystals on the medicine hanger)

Meanwhile, my friends were coming to see me almost every day. Sally and Giorgio came to offer Reiki. Eric made breakfast before he went to work every monring at 6am, and Amanda brought it for me. Eric did not have to work in the afternoon, so he brought my lunch and dinner, and he ate my hospital vegan burger and salad, etc. After dinner, we watched Japanese Grand Sumo every night before he went back home. We did our best to make my chemotherapy week as like a vacation the best I could have.

Of course, I cried several times and did not want to be there at all. But I looked at the sky from my small window—every time, either clouds or birds were entertaining me to lift up my pain. One time I saw Kula (my dog daughter who passed last year); she was waiting for me to get better so she can come back to be with me. She said, The promise is, I am coming there, so you are not coming here.

Another incident that happened was that one day, before I was coming home, I was not feeling so well—I think I was just getting tired of being in the hospital and trying to keep my positivity high. I finished my meditation, body scrub, yoga, massaging my feet, and listening to my morning music, but it was not right. I was feeling low. A cleaning woman came into my room (usually it was a man), and she asked if it was all right for her to clean the room. I said, “Of course.” She went to the bathroom first and then cleaned the floor, etc. Before she left, I said, “Thank you.”

She said, “I am honored to clean your room. Everyone said your room is healing. I was so happy when I found out I was assigned to clean your room today. Your room smells so nice and feels good.”

I could not believe what I heard. I asked right away what her name was, and she said it was Rosarba. I asked her where she was from, and she said Guadalajara, Mexico. I told her I was so happy to meet her and that she was able to come to my room. She smiled.

After she left my room, I cried.

Why? I am not sure, but I felt that my existence was validated by this woman who came from Guadalajara, Mexico. Does that make sense? It did to me!

Whatever it was, I was able to make it another day in the hospital and complete my first chemotherapy.

Thank you for your prayers and continuous support.

We are grateful and invite you to help us at this time by YouCaring Fundraisng to Support Sanae’s Recovery from Cancer or purchasing our books directly from us to cover my medical expenses.

Here are our books:

My post mailing address for sending your card, gift or check:

2610A 23^rd St.

Santa Monica, CA 90405

I will not be able to personally reply to each person, but I promise I will read everyone’s messages, emails, and cards.

Love, Sanae 💖

To be continued: Side Effects of Chemotherapy and Neulasta Wiped Me Out.

Only Weeks to Live

After a CT scan, biopsy, and one more test to do—a PET/CT scan—I was going to decide what kind of treatment to do for the cancer I was diagnosed Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma (DLBCL) Primary non-Hodgkin of Liver, stage IV (cause was Hepatitis C that I got from the blood transfusion result of the car accident in 2001).

Biopsy: Two areas of the liver

I was already so weak from the CT scan test and biopsy procedure (I had so much pain after biopcy). I was not able to take the PET/CT scan test as I’d planned, but finally I got strong enough to go on April 27. I am very sensitive to chemicals, synthetic medicines, household products and skin products, so it is a challenge for me to take any test at hospitals or clinics.

Everytime I had to take CT or PET scan I had to drink a liquid that contains either barium or a substance called Gastrografin (diatrizoate meglumine and diatrizoate sodium liquid). Barium and Gastrografin are both chemicals that help doctors get better images of my stomach and bowels. Barium has a chalky taste and texture. They had natural flavor one, but it was artificial flavor of course and I had to drink two bottle of 450ml. I felt vomiting, but nothing comes up since I had to fasting for 20 hours.

One of the two barium sulfate containers I need to drink before my CT scan

Photo: One of the two barium sulfate containers I need to drink before my CT/PET scan

When a nurse put iodine into my vein, I felt a sensation of pain all over my body. I felt that I needed a human touch, so I had to ask him to hold my hand. He looked at me first like, What are you asking me? That is not in my job description. But he held on to a few of my fingers. I wish he’d held my whole hand, but it worked, and I felt much better in a minute or so. I let his fingers go and said, “Thank you!” He did not say anything and walked away. It is a simple human act to me, but it may be the first time a patient has asked him to hold a hand.

After the PET/CT scan procedure was done, I asked the technician when I would get the results. He said not too long—that my doctor’s office would contact me when it came out, so I should wait. I wanted to make sure, so I repeated, “I do not need to call? They will call me?” He said yes.

Most of the test results took a few days to one week, so I was waiting. On May 10, I realized it had already been two weeks, but I had not heard from my doctor’s office. I called the hospital and found out the shocking news. The results were out on May 1 (10 days prior), but the doctor would not release them unless I made an appointment to come see him. I told them I was not instructed do so and was waiting, waiting and waiting. They also said he would be out on vacation, so I would not be able to see him till June 6. What? What did I hear now? I just could not believe what I was hearing. I needed to know the result now, so I would know what is going on.

They said someone would contact me to take care of the matter. I got a phone call from my oncologist’s assistant, who said the doctor could see me on May 30 instead of June 6. She would send the test result by post mail, since the record would not be online for another week. I could not believe it, but I was so exhausted with all this nonsense that I had no strength to argue.

I was trying to think that maybe the result was better, and that is why he did not contact me. As I wrote in the last blog, I did not think this doctor was a match for me. But I’d found only one doctor who’s had experience with this type of cancer; he is in Boston, and it was not easy for me to make a telephone appointment with him. So, I was sticking with the first doctor I had.

I received the PET/CT scan result by post mail, and it showed that cancer was taking almost all the liver.

I was getting weaker, day by day, and after May 10, I had so much pain throughout my liver. Every morning when I woke up, I looked at the sky and said, “Maybe I will not make it today.” But I said, “Sanae, not today! Today is for you to live!”

I love sky and clouds

Every morning when I woke up, I looked at the sky and said, “Maybe I will not make it today.” But I said, “Sanae, not today! Today is for you to live!”

When I had a near-fatal car crash in 2001, I felt like I might die. It is not a feeling you can explain, but you just know inside—feelings of fading away and not being able to grasp the moment of spirit here with my body on this earth. I was not really scared at that time, but I felt that I needed to choose what I want to do.

I felt that this was happening again—that I might not make it, and I have to do something.

I managed to celebrate Eric’s 50^th birthday on the 15^th. We had a quiet but great time by the ocean, our favorite place. (I had planned a big party for him at the end of the month, but it never happened, since I ended up being in the hospital.)

Eric’s 50th birthday by the beach

But when the next day came, I really felt that my life was coming to an end unless I find a new doctor/oncologist and act now!!!

I contacted good friends who could act right away and help me find a new doctor/oncologist. Two days later, the appointment for a new doctor came out of nowhere on May 19, at 1pm because the doctor had a cancellation. I was so weak, but Eric and two of my friends coordinate to take me with a wheelchair to a new oncologist’s office at 3:30 pm.

The oncologist explained the test result of PET/CT Scan very carefully, but directly and clearly. I felt she was a very compassionate person. When she found out I live a vegan, plant-based, macrobiotic lifestyle (no refined sugar) have not taken any medications for many years, have had no alcohol for 32 years, and do not smoke or consume coffee/caffeine, she said it means I am taking care of myself and am healthy, which is a good thing.

She gave me a choice of treatments. Since the cancer is so big and taking over almost all the liver, she suggested I do an aggressive, 24 hours a day five-day chemotherapy ＊EPOCH + Rituximab in the hospital right away.

＊ E – Etoposide
    P – Prednisone
    O – Oncovin (vincristine)
    C – Cyclophosphamide
    H – Hydroxydaunorubicin (doxorubicin)
    R – Rituximab

It is 24 hours a day and a long five-day treatment, but it is not big doze at one time/one day like R-Chop (cyclophosphamide, doxorubicin, vincristine, and prednisone, plus the monoclonal antibody rituximab – this was recommended by the first oncologist) so you receive treatment slowly and can monitor while you are receiving chemo to adjust the medications.

Eric asked what would happen if I did not do the treatment. Without hesitation, the oncologist said, “Sanae will die.”

Eric asked right a way, “How long does she have?”

The oncologist said “Weeks.”

I could hear Eric’s voice….“Not even one month?”

The oncologist confirmed: “Yes, less than one month.”

I could not see Eric’s face, but I could hear he was crying.

When I hear or see really scary things, I freeze and am not able to feel. I was not scared to hear I will die, but it is scary to see my love crying because I am dying. I never meant to harm him.

I was ready to take the treatment already, after wondering each morning whether or not I would make it. So, there was no question; I went to the hospital right away. The oncologist took care of everything, and I was admitted to UCLA Santa Monica Hospital by 5:30 pm.

It happened so fast, but I was feeling all right. Everything was good, even though I was not able to go back home to let my animal family know that I was going to be away for a while. I contacted them telepathically, and they all want me to get better.

Thank you for your prayers and continuous support.

We are grateful and invite you to help us at this time by YouCaring Fundraisng to Support Sanae’s Recovery from Cancer or purchasing our books directly from us to cover my medical expenses.

Here are our books:

My post mailing address for sending your card, gift or check:

2610A 23^rd St.

Santa Monica, CA 90405

I will not be able to personally reply to each person, but I promise I will read everyone’s messages, emails, and cards.

Love, Sanae 💖

To be continued: My First Chemotherapy

Cancer is Back!

The oncologist said,
“You have *Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma (DLBCL) Primary non-Hodgkin of Liver.
(* I found out later that I got this cancer because of Hepatitis C from the blood transfusion result of the car accident in 2001)

It is rare cancer. I recommend that you take R-CHOP, usually with a regimen of four drugs (cyclophosphamide, doxorubicin, vincristine, and prednisone), plus the monoclonal antibody rituximab (Rituxan). This regimen is most often given in cycles three weeks apart. Because this regimen contains the drug doxorubicin, which can damage the heart, it may not be suitable for patients with heart problems, so other chemo regimens may be used instead.”

He continued: “You can be in-patient at UCLA Hospital, so nurses and specialists will take care of everything to make sure for the first time, and you will be very comfortable there. I want you to make an appointment for chemotherapy right now and make a PET/CT appointment before chemotherapy.” He also said, very casually, “You need to take a bone marrow test.”

He did not stop. He asked me, “What kind of insurance do you have?”

His assistant said, “Ms. Suzuki has only Medicare.”

He said, “Medicare? That will not cover everything.
Do you have a secondary insurance to cover the rest of the cost?”
He looked down and continued, “Then you can be just out-patient to save money, but you must find your secondary insurance ASAP.”

Meanwhile, I did not say much.

The doctor said to my husband, Eric, “I think your wife is upset and not saying anything.

Well, you can think with her and decide on a chemotherapy date ASAP. Today, just do a blood test.”

I was shocked, confused, lost, and frozen. I did not want to say anything when I was in that state, and I did not really know what to say, either. I felt that the doctor’s voice was coming from far, far away. I knew I had to speak up to let him know how I felt… time was ticking.

I said, “I am not saying much because you just told me I have a very rare cancer. Don’t you know that I am shocked right now? I don’t think I can talk much now. I need time to digest this shocking, unexpected news.”

He said, “I understand, but the sooner you make a decision to do chemotherapy, the better.”

I asked him, “Do you ever have any patients who have same cancer as mine?” He said no. I asked if there was any way for him to find an oncologist who’d done treatment for this rare cancer. He said, “My three colleagues at UCLA who are lymphoma oncologists do no have experience with any patients with this rare lymphoma—so I don’t think so.”

I felt like he was a businessperson. I did not want to talk to him anymore, but I also did not want to leave the room with an uncomfortable feeling. So I said, “I have one thing I want to tell you before you leave: Your website photo is not so friendly, so you might want to change it.” He first looked at me like, What is she saying, but then he realized what I was talking about. He laughed and said, “I felt the same.” I was relieved to see he was able to laugh as a human.

I do not remember how I came home. I was too shocked to feel anything. I felt like I was trapped in a hole and could not seem to come out for a while again.

Slowly, my mind started to work and realized how serious this is for my life, Eric’s life, our animal family’s life, friends, family, students, and clients.

I first felt it couldn’t be cancer! What really happened to me?
No, I do not have cancer after 24 years cancer-free…
but the reality is that I have cancer again.

I am sad, disappointed, lost, confused, and scared once again. Silent—inside, I am calm and positive. Storm—my surface is chaotic and full of negative and insecure thoughts. I close my eyes and focus my breathing deep inside myself. I feel and hear what my surface is saying, acknowledge the thoughts, and move to focus more on my breathing. I repeat this over and over. Sometime later, I did not feel or hear negative or insecure thoughts.

I am shocked to find out I have cancer again, but I know I want to live—and I will live.

I am so grateful for 24 years of cancer-free life, and I’m now making an effort to accept my new journey and learn to live preciously all over again.

Photo: Eric brought his delicious lunch for me.

I know that even though I have been eating healthy lifestyle foods, like macrobiotic and/or whole, plant-based food, I am not going to live forever. Is this my time to go to heaven? No. I feel this is not my time yet.

Healing is multilayered; everything from emotions and beliefs, to the physical environment, affect our state of health.

From Louise Hay’s book Self Healing:

LIVER PROBLEMS (hepatitis): Resistance to change. Fear, anger, hatred. Liver is the seat of anger and rage.

Affirmation: My mind is cleansed and free. I leave the past and move into the new. All is well.

CANCER: What’s eating at you? Deep hurt, secrets, or grief.
Affirmation: I lovingly forgive and release all of the past. I choose to fill my life with joy. I love and approve of myself.

I need to let go of the past and take care of emotional wounds. It will take a big overhaul this time.

I found a new oncologist whom I could to talk to about my feelings and receive human compassion. The progress of the cancer was very fast and I was getting weaker by day. Macrobioitc and natural healing was not able to heal on time so I was admitted to UCLA Hospital in Santa Monica for chemotherapy treatments now.
I feel less stress so I feel more strength to move forward mentally.

I shall keep writing when I am able to do so.

Photo: Admitted to UCLA with V sign…I am so Japanese!

Photo: My routine arm exercise with a half pound weight.

Photo: Feeling good day, Yoko-san came to visit!

Thank you for your prayers and continuous support.

We are grateful and invite you to help us at this time by YouCaring Fundraisng to Support Sanae’s Recovery from Cancer or purchasing our books directly from us to cover my medical expenses.

Here are our books: