Good Health Is the Best Birthday Gift

by in Birthday, Blog, Healing, Sanae's Story 68♥ 0 Like
My mind is not so different from when I came to America at 19—
still curious, still moving at my own pace.
 
What has changed is the quiet.
A deeper calm lives in me now.
With time, I have softened.
I enjoy each day more fully,
and I accept myself—and others—just as we are.
 
Perhaps I can say
I live with a free spirit, most of the time.
 
On my 71st birthday,
I felt no desire to do much at all.
Only a few simple things, gently chosen.
 
I didn’t plan ahead,
which is unusual for me—
and yet, I felt completely at ease.
 
The night before,
a feeling came to me:
“I want to see cherry blossoms.”
 
Of course, I am not in Japan.
Still, I asked Eric.
 
He looked at me, surprised—
“What cherry blossoms? Where? We are not in Japan.”
 
I smiled inside.
There was no need to explain.
 
“We’ll see in the morning,” I said.
 
And morning came.
 
I woke early, as I usually do,
feeling quietly happy to be one year older.
I searched, followed a feeling, and chose a place—
not for certainty, but for possibility.
 
At the South Coast Botanical Garden,
only a few blossoms remained—
soft, fragile, almost gone.
 
And still, they were enough.
 
 
 
 
We walked slowly,
held by the scent of herbs and flowers,
surrounded by the gentle life of trees and air.
 
 
That evening,
I said yes to an invitation—
a simple dinner with a friend and her mother.
 
There was laughter,
and a mochi ice cream cake with a candle.
 
For a moment,
I was a child again.
 
 
 
 
The next morning,
we went to the dog beach in Santa Barbara—
with our beloved dog family, Nalu, Kai, Lani, Makani,
and our guest dog, Mocha.
 
We walked along the shore,
listening to the ocean breathe.
 
 
 
Clouds stretched wide across the sky.
Pelicans and birds moved freely above us.
 
The water touched my feet,
cool and alive.
 
I watched Eric and Kai swimming in the ocean.
 
 
 
 
And I thought—
this is one of my favorite ways to be alive.
 
On the way home,
we stopped in Ojai.
 
At my favorite stationery shop, “Noted,”
I found small treasures—
Japanese washi tape,
and a simple toolbox I can use for my sashiko while traveling.
 
 
 
At Farmer and Cook,
I chose macrobiotic cookies
and a rose elixir drink—
a quiet sweetness to carry with me.
 
 
 
Over the weekend,
love arrived in many forms—
flowers, cards, small gifts,
voices across distance,
messages from near and far.
 
 
 
 
 
 
I felt held.
I felt loved.
I felt grateful.
It was simple.
And it was enough.
It was, truly,
the birthday I needed.
 
Four weeks before,
my body told a different story.
 
A cold that stayed—
longer than expected.
 
Eric recovered quickly—
but I did not.
 
Each time I thought I was better,
I returned too soon—
to teaching, to walking, to qigong—
and the cold returned to me.
 
Again and again,
I had to stop.
 
My symptoms were mild—
a little cough and a runny nose,
a slight fever each day, and a quiet weakness.
 
And yet, in that weakness,
another voice appeared:
 
“Is it coming back?”
 
Both of my past cancers
began this way—
softly, quietly.
 
So I listened.
 
Not with fear,
but with awareness.
 
This kind of thought
belongs to those who have walked that path.
 
I do not push it away.
I acknowledge it.
 
And then—
I choose patience.
I choose trust.
 
I do what I can,
and I care for myself.
 
I remember a saying from Japan:
“The common cold is the root of all illness.”
 
So I nourish myself.
 
Through the lens of Yin and Yang,
I listen more deeply.
 
Eric’s cold was Yang—
strong, active, with coughing at night—
easing with grated apple and its juice,
and fresh lotus root tea.
 
Mine was different—
more Yin, more quiet—
a sore throat, a morning chill, a headache,
a body asking for warmth, with little appetite.
 
When one path did not help,
I changed direction.
Miso scallion tea.
Strong ume-sho-kuzu.
Azuki beans with miso.
Tekka condiment.
 
Slowly—
very slowly—
my body returned.
Today,
for the first time in four weeks,
I entered the water for Aqua Yoga.
 
I moved—
gently, fully.
 
Tomorrow, my body may ache—
but it will be a joyful ache.
 
A living ache.
 
I am grateful—
for what I have learned,
for what I can practice,
for the ability to return to myself.
 
Good health—
this quiet, steady presence—
is the greatest gift of all.
 
More valuable than anything we can count.
 
And alongside it,
love.
 
A husband who walks beside me,
as my partner and my best friend.
 
Friends who remember,
who reach out,
who care.
Happy Birthday to me, Sanae.
 
I honor myself—
my patience,
my trust,
my quiet strength
to heal again.
 
With love,
Sanae❤️

Caring Guidance Without Attachment — Part 1 Side Effects

by in Healing, Healing Tea, Recipe, Sanae's Story, Side Effects 69♥ 0 Like

My macrobiotic counseling work began after I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and healed myself through macrobiotic practice—which is not just about food, but a way of living.

After completing Levels 1–3, I continued my studies in an intensive counseling program at the Kushi Institute.

I later worked at Erewhon Natural Foods, where I offered weekly cooking demonstrations, taught classes, prepared staff meals, so they could experience what macrobiotic food tastes like—and how it can support their health and mood. I also spoke daily with customers seeking health guidance.

Looking back, I am not sure how I did it—but I always did my best.

Over the years, I have become very used to offering guidance and sharing what I have learned. Through my work, not only clients but also friends, neighbors, and students have often asked me for health advice.

I do not know how many people I have supported, and I do not know how many truly practiced what I shared.

Recently, a few people close to me asked for help.

As I was writing detailed recommendations, I realized that instead of offering the same guidance repeatedly in private, I could share it here—so that those who are ready may benefit.

This is caring guidance, without attachment, from me to anyone who needs and wants to practice a macrobiotic life as I do.
 

Leg Swelling and Constipation After Chemotherapy

These are common side effects of chemotherapy and medication.

Leg swelling may indicate that the kidneys are under strain. Constipation reflects stress on the digestive system.

Recommendations

These teas may support kidney function and help ease constipation.

Drink:

  • 1 cup before breakfast
  • 1 cup in the afternoon between meals

If constipation becomes severe, cassia seed tea (Habu tea) may be helpful.

For swollen legs:

  • Foot baths
  • Baths with sea salt
  • Gentle massage and body care

Weakness After Chemotherapy — Rebuilding Strength

Kimpira Root Vegetable Soup (2–3 times per week)

1. Chop very fine equal amounts of burdock root, carrot, and lotus root.

2. Lightly brush the bottom of a pan with sesame oil and heat over medium-high heat. When the oil is hot, sauté the burdock for 2 to 3 minutes, adding a pinch of sea salt.

3. Layer the lotus root and carrots on top of the burdock. Cover all vegetables with purified water, bring to a boil, lower the flame, cover, and simmer for a long time (30~40 minutes) until vegetables are very soft.

4. Mix sweet white miso and dark 3-year-old barely miso in a half-and-half ratio, and dilute in some of the soup broth.

5. Slowly add enough miso mix to achieve a good taste for you (not too salty, please).

Koikoku (Whole Carp Soup)

A whole carp (as fresh as possible – ask the fish market to remove the bitter gallbladder and thyroid and leave the rest of the fish intact, with all scales, bones, head, and fins. If you must remove them yourself, place the carp on a fish cutting board to remove the thyroid and gallbladder. If the carp has roe, it must also be removed.

1. Chop the fish into large 2-to 3 –inch slices, including the head, scales, fins, and bones. The eyes may be removed if desired. Set these aside.

2. Wash and chop burdock into very thin slices or matchsticks. The amount of burdock is the same volume as that of carp. Sauté the burdock in oil for a few minutes, or water-sauté if needed.

3. Tie used bancha twigs or stems (about 1 cup) in cotton cheesecloth to make a tea bag as big as a tennis ball. Layer the tea bag on top of the burdock and place the chopped fish on top. The tea twigs will help soften the bones while cooking.

4. Add enough liquid to cover all ingredients. Use approximately 1/3 bancha tea and 2/3 spring water. Cover with a heavy lid or pressure cooker lid. Bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce the heat. If boiling, simmer for 2 hours or longer; if using a pressure cooker, simmer for 1 to 11/2 hours or longer.

5. While cooking, the burdock and carp neutralize each other, and the bones of the fish become very soft. When almost cooked, bring down the pressure, if necessary, and remove the lid. Add miso dissolved in water to season to taste, as you would for regular MISO SOUP.

6. Add 1 tablespoonful of juice from freshly grated ginger and mix well. Cover and simmer for another 5 minutes on a low flame. When seasoning with miso, you may need to add some water if the soup is too thick.

7. Serve with the cooking liquid. Garnish with chopped scallions and serve hot.

* Have a small bowl of this preparation every day for 3 days. Save leftovers in the refrigerator or freezer for future use, then reheat for 10 to 15 minutes before eating.

* If a carp and burdock are unavailable, trout or other white-meat fish may be substituted for carp, and carrot for burdock. Cook for 1 to 11/2 hours. But the effectiveness of this preparation is less.

* It is better to use twigs (Kukicha) that have already been used, since fresh twigs (Kukicha) can impart a bitter taste to the dish.

On Medication and Side Effects

A different friend asked about possible side effects of several medications.

Examples include:

  • Amlodipine (blood pressure)
  • Atorvastatin (cholesterol)
  • Levothyroxine (thyroid support)

Each of these medications may have side effects, including digestive discomfort, muscle pain, or changes in mood and energy.

Even when something is considered “not common,” individuals may still experience it.

It is important to:

  • Pay attention to your own body
  • Ask questions
  • Stay informed

A Broader Perspective

Over time, I have observed that many health conditions are influenced by:

  • Busy lifestyles
  • Excess stimulants (food and drink)
  • Ongoing mental and emotional stress

We may be in a stage of life where the body is asking us to slow down—yet many continue to push forward.

General Food Suggestions

  • Increase fiber-rich vegetables
  • Include easily digestible protein such as beans
  • Use prepared organic beans if needed (for convenience)

https://store.edenfoods.com/search.php?search_query=beans

  • Eat calming vegetables such as:
    • Napa cabbage
    • Bok choy
    • Kabocha squash
  • Consider gentle herbal teas:
    • Lemon balm
    • Nettle
    • Mugwort

And also:

  • Rest
  • Gentle movement
  • Massage or acupuncture
  • Even a short nap

My Personal Experience

After chemotherapy, I was prescribed medication for bone density.

I experienced side effects, although they were described as “not common.” After requesting a change, I tried another medication and again experienced side effects.

At this time, I have stopped medication and am observing how my body responds.

Previously, I also experienced strong reactions to medications during chemotherapy.

These experiences remind me that each body responds differently.

I have also seen this with my mother, who gradually began taking multiple medications. Over time, she experienced many symptoms without realizing they were side effects.

A Final Thought

Medication may be necessary in some situations.

However, it is important to remain aware that:

  • All medications have potential side effects
  • The more that are taken, the more complex the effects may become

Listening to your body is essential.

I share this for those who are ready to receive—not only to ask.

I hope this may support you in your own way.

With care,
Sanae❤️

Making St. John’s Wort Flower Oil for Pain and Ache

by in Blog, Healing, Medicinal Herbs/Plants, Recipe 1036♥ 0 Like

2025 has been an unexpectedly active year for me as I have been teaching sashiko workshops, caring for my oldest dog Lumi, and helping to heal for a long-time client who lost her husband last year.

 

My seasonal handwork included completing 20 pounds of Miso making in March, as well as 25 pounds of fresh Ume plum work in May (Umeboshi plums, Ume plum enzyme syrup, Umeshu -plum wine, and Loquat Tincture) in June.

I did not make time to write about them for my blog post, but summer is here.

 

I foraged several medicinal plants/herbs over the last two months, every month, when visiting our vacation house in North Fork, California. One of my favorites in summer forging is St. John’s Wort flowers!

They do not resemble any special flowers, so you probably missed them.

I like to use them to make infused oil or tincture, etc.

 

The hypericin (a substance found in St. John’s wort, credited with chemical and pharmacological properties similar to those of antidepressants) gives oil or tincture a reddish color, which is so beautiful.

 

They have so many benefits.

  • Skin Care:
    • Wound Healing: St. John’s wort oil is traditionally used to promote the healing of minor burns, bruises, wounds, and other skin irritations. 
    • Anti-inflammatory Properties: It may help reduce inflammation and soothe irritated skin, making it beneficial for conditions such as psoriasis. 
    • Antioxidant Support: The oil contains antioxidants, including hyperforin and hypericin, which can help protect the skin and maintain its natural radiance. 
    • Hydration: It can help hydrate dry and cracked skin, improving overall suppleness. 
  • Mood and Mental Wellbeing:
    • Mild Antidepressant Effects: When used topically, St. John’s wort oil may help uplift mood and promote a sense of calm and well-being. 
    • Stress and Anxiety Relief: It may help reduce tension, stress, and anxiety. 
  • Pain Relief:
    • Muscle Comfort: The oil can be used in massage to relieve muscle soreness and discomfort. 
    • Nerve Pain: It has been traditionally used for nerve pain, including neuralgia and sciatica. 

 

I was making today for pain and ache relief oil. I injured my legs and feet when I had a near-death car crash in 2001. I was told I would never walk. It took a long, long time, but I am walking because I never gave up making an effort. One of my daily efforts is massaging my legs, feet, toes, and hands. Yes, 365 days for over 20 years. St. John’s Wort is one of the medicinal oils I use for massage.

 

I usually use them fresh, but I dried them this year, and they are now ready to be mixed with oil.

They say fresh can make more potent oil, but I don’t mind creating a dried one as well since I have experienced the benefits even with dried St. John’s oil.

.

It is very easy to make, so I hope you try them.

 

  1. Put St. John’s Wort flowers about 3/4 of the way up your glass container. St. John’s Wort has almost no scent, so if you like lavender flowers, adding them will add fragrance.
  2. Add oil, such as olive, sunflower, or rice bran (I use organic, unrefined sweet almond oil), to the top to cover the herbs.
  3. Infuse the oil:
  • Sun Infusion: Place the sealed jar in a warm, sunny location for 2-4 weeks, or longer, which is a traditional method. It helps extract beneficial compounds, such as hypericin and gives the oil a reddish color.
  • Warm Infusion (optional): Some methods suggest using a low-temperature crockpot or warm oven if sunlight isn’t preferred, although some sources believe sunlight is essential for extracting specific compounds.
  • Shake or stir the jar daily, especially in the first week, to ensure even Infusion. 

4. Strain the oil: After the infusion period, strain the oil through a cheesecloth, muslin cloth, or fine-mesh sieve into a clean bottle. Let the oil settle for a day or two and then carefully pour off the clear oil, leaving behind any residue. 

5. Storage: Store the finished oil in a cool, dark place, ideally in a dark glass bottle to protect it from light. Refrigeration can help extend its shelf life. When stored properly, the oil can last for at least 6 to 9 months, and potentially up to a year or two. 

 

 

Important considerations

  • St. John’s Wort can interact with certain medications and increase sensitivity to sunlight. Always consult with a healthcare professional before using St. John’s Wort, especially if you are taking medications or have health conditions. This information is for educational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. 

Happy Summer Seasonal Hand Work!

 

Love,

Sanae ❤️

Japanese Loquat Leaves and Pine Needles Tincture-Making Workshop

by in Blog, Healing, Medicinal Herbs/Plants, Workshops/Classes 1665♥ 0 Like

My mother made loquat tinctures for the last 20 years of her life.

As long as I remember, my mother had a weak immune system from a young age and was not able to get up in the morning to make breakfast.　She could not gain weight for many years and sleep well.

My mother was in pain all over her body and took a lot of prescription drugs, so she may have always been looking for what she could do to improve her health.

My mother tried many recommendations from her friends, neighbors, and local news sources, but nothing helped her.​

For example, eating prunes, drinking noni juice, eating more meat and only chicken to gain weight, buying expensive electric blankets, worshiping a group of people and buying white china from them for a lot of money. The group told her that worshiping it would improve her health.

I had already been practicing macrobiotics and knew that it would not improve her health, but since I lived far away overseas, I always listened to her with love. When I returned to Japan, I cooked a hearty macrobiotic meal for her. As I did this, my mother’s health started to improve, so I found someone to cook macrobiotic meals for her several times a week, and my mother’s mindset became more positive and she stopped trying so many different things.

One day, my mother called me to tell me that her pain was relieved and she was able to sleep better thanks to the loquat leaf moxibustion and loquat leaf tincture (extract).

Shortly after that, my mother received some loquat leaves from a friend and started making her own loquat leaf tincture.

She got loquat leaves from her friends and made loquat tincture herself.

To make a tincture, she had to separate the leaves from blanches, clean each, cut them, and put them in a glass bottle with shochu.

It was lots of work, but she was determined to make it.　She was tired but enjoyed the aroma of loquat leaves and looked vibrant in the photo she sent me.

Viblant my mother after she started to make Loquat tincture and using it.

She even planted a loquat tree in her yard. She told me if there is a loquat tree in America I need to plant it, too.

Fortunately, there was a large loquat tree next door to the house I moved into around that time (where I still live today), and I received a loquat seedling from there, which I planted in my garden 30 years ago.

My mother many bottles of Loquat tinctures and sent me her loquat tincture many times, and I have used it all for me, my husband, animal family, friends, and clients.

I started to make my own when my loquat tree got big enough.

 

Making tincture is a gift my mother gave me; I want to share the gift that my mother gave me with as many people as possible. Now I make many other different tinctures.

After I decided to offer this workshop, I remembered that when I was about 3 years old, my grandmother took me to the mountains of Mie to forage wild mushrooms and medicinal plants. My grandmother was a healer. I finally understand why I am so drawn to the power of nature and healing work.

The life I genuinely dedicate is to honoring and healing the great force of nature with my body, soul, and spirit and helping others and their animal families heal as well.

I am grateful to JACCC Emi Osaki for giving me an opportunity to teach the Japanese Tincture Making Workshop. 

 

Here is the detail of the workshop:

Join JACCC and Sustainable Little Tokyo for an immersive, hands-on workshop where you’ll explore the art of crafting botanical tinctures using Japanese loquat leaves and aromatic pine needles. Experience their unique scents, learn how to safely apply them to your skin, and create your personalized tinctures to take home. Along the way, you’ll gain insight into these plants’ numerous benefits and traditional uses while also mastering techniques that will empower you to make tinctures with herbs from your garden.

When: Sun, Oct 27, 2024, 10:30 am –  12:00 pm

Where: Toshizo Watanabe Culinary Cultural Center

244 S. San Pedro Street, Los Angeles, CA 90012

Price: Free with RSVP (donations encouraged)

Japanese Botanical Tincture-Making Workshop

Self-Care for Grieving after My Beloved Dog, Happy’s Departure 

by in Animal Communication, Dog, Healing, Life with Animal Family, Sanae's Story 3270♥ 1 Like

After five days of rain and wind storms last week, the sun was shining brightly, and the blue skies reflected it.
Usually, I would feel refreshed by the sunshine and blue skies, but my heart was still in darkness as the storm continued.

My beloved dog granddaughter, Happy, who was always by my side, suddenly became unwell and passed away to heaven on the last day of the rainstorm. Just writing this makes me feel a tightening pain in my chest.

My heart is aching, and I have empty, hollow feelings.

I am not ready to write about Happy much. 

All I can say now is…Happy was my big-hearted, kind, tolerant, and sweet dog granddaughter.
She was always by my side, like my shadow.
She followed me even if I just went to the next room to get something.
When he couldn’t see me, he wandered around looking for me.
I feel like a ghost now, without a shadow.

I only remember a little of what I did the day she departed seven days ago. 

*Seven days is call “Shonanoka” in a Buddhist service held on the seventh day after death. This is when the deceased crosses the River Styx (4000km – 2485.485 miles wide)  after she passes 3200km/1988.388mile long steep mountain.  Depending on her behavior during life, the stream of the river will change. So, the deceased’s family gather and honor her, sharing good memories and thoughts so that she will receive a gentle stream. I wrote about it on my blog

https://sanaesuzuki.com/2016/08/09/kula-golden-retriever-life-with-her-cancer-part-4/

 

I started to look at Happy’s most recent photos and Videos. Unfortunately, I did not have many photos of Happy in the last six months. I only took one photo with her (that’s the cover photo).
I was taking more photos of Lumi (Happy’s mom) because she is older and has health issues, so I thought Lumi was going to heaven sooner than Happy.
I wanted to see Happy’s photos of when she was a puppy, but it was too painful so I could not do it.

Happy left, Lumi (Happy’s mom) and me New Year’s day 2024

 

Even though I had studied animal communication, animal behavior, nutrition, and animal spiritual energy for many years, I did not notice that Happy was not feeling well.

It was a shock. I should have known if she had the health condition.
Now that she’s gone, I feel overwhelmed with guilt.

I also felt so bad for Happy’s mother, Lumi, who could not look at and come close to Happy after Happy died.

Three other Happy’s family all looked sad but came close to her and Snif.

I wanted to set up an altar for Happy with the Buddhist traditional “Goku (Five basics),” offering incense, lanterns, flowers, food, and purified water. 

Happy’s color was orange, so Eric and I went to the local flower shop with Kai (Happy’s nephew), even though it was still raining a little bit, to get orange flowers. 

I set up the altar with a candle, incense, orin (Buddhist bell), water, her favorite blueberry cookies with flowers, etc. I lit the candle and incense, rang the bells, and prayed.

I don’t even remember now what I worshiped. I only remember that I just put my hands together (gasshou).

After that, I put on the music that Happy and I had been listening to, cried a lot, and meditated together for an hour.
I hugged Eric and the dog and cat family over and over again.

 

On the second day, the Sun came out powerfully, as if so much rain was a lie.

I was moving mechanically, not wanting to do anything.

But when I looked at all of Happy’s family, I took them out for a walk as usual without thinking. The first walking team is Happy’s mom, Lumi and Happy’s nephew, Kai. 

Happy used to walk with them, so my heart was not there with me, and the deep inside of me was numb, but I felt that Happy was walking with us.

When I returned home, there was a voice message from a *CSC (Cancer Support Community) blood cancer member that she wouldn’t be at the Zoom meeting, so if I was going to be there, she wanted me to let the group know.

*The CSC (Cancer Support Community) Blood Cancer group, which I joined about seven years ago when I got stage IV Lymphoma Cancer.

It has been helping me to hear what other people are going through physically and emotionally with their blood cancer and get more information about treatments, hospitals, oncologists, etc. 

I was trying to decide if I was up to be on Zoom/seeing other people.

I wanted to see how my long-time friend, John, was doing after his last chemotherapy. Ironically, John came to see me when I was taking chemotherapy for stage IV lymphoma, and three years later, he got lymphoma. I invited him to join the CSC’s Blood Cancer meeting, and he has been attending.

 

I knew the Zoom meeting had started, and time was passing. My heart said, I want to attend the Zoom meeting.

I clicked on Zoom connection. Previously, when I was late joining the meeting, I did not get a call to share till the end of the meeting, but the facilitator asked me how I was doing after the person speaking when I joined.

I was not expecting to share so soon; I did not know what to say.

My breath caught, and I checked. I had to think for a moment about what to say.

I said, “One of the members of CSC left a voice message to ask me to convey the message, and I also wanted to see how John is doing…” 

I started crying and said, “I am sorry, I am not myself today….”

I corrected what I said and continued, “Actually, I am myself.” 

I took a deep breath and said, “My dog daughter, Happy, passed away about 24 hours ago.”

My tears came down, and I could not stop crying. I felt my heart was aching.

The pain that feels like my chest is being torn apart.

I took another deep breath.

“I am grieving and feeling guilt for Happy that I may not have done the right things for her needs since I thought her mother, Lumi, was going to die before her, and I was focusing on Lumi more than Happy in the last six months.” 

“I am so sorry, Happy!”

I blew my nose, then said,  

“I am in so much pain, and tremendous sadness of tsunami is coming into my whole being.”

When I lost someone, including an animal family, during a previous grieving period time, I grieved so much. It must have lowered my immune system, and I got cancer twice.

One was after my father passed, I got ovarian cancer. The other one was 6 months after my beloved dog’s daughter, who was my service dog, Kula, passed, I got stage IV lymphoma.

 

So, I continue sharing on the Zoom CSC meeting.

“In the past, losing someone with whom I had strong connections and unfinished issues or regrets made my strength weak, and my immune system went lower.” 

“I am grieving, and I have a fear of losing my health once again, so I need to look back at what I can improve to cope with grieving and self-care.”

 

As I looked back, I realized my experience of grieving has different shapes and colors depending on who passed away. 

When my mother passed away, I was sad, and I grieved, of course, but I communicated with her to accept who she was and also let her know who I was to her before she passed away so I had peace later on.

Since living in America, I have sent a family of 16 animals to heaven.
Raising animals is not an easy task, and I was sad when they left.
But with the animal family that I was able to communicate with and connect with, grief was like a big wave in the ocean that I could surf, and I didn’t drown. I missed them and at the same time accepted their departure.

 

I looked back; how did I do when my father and Kula passed away? 

When my father passed away: 

I could not communicate with my father before he passed away.

I knew his health was not well, so I visited him one month before he passed away in Japan. I went to his favorite restaurant with my sister and we had a good time. 

I called him at the airport before departing to return to America, but he did not answer and never called me back. His secretary said he was on a business trip so that he would contact me later, but he never did.

When I received a phone call three weeks later that he was in critical condition and went to see him in Japan the next day, he was already unconscious and passed away eight hours later. 

I had to return to Japan to help my mother and deal with the situation at my father’s business company seven times in one year. 

The extreme stress did not give me a space for me to grieve.
I got so exhausted.
Then, the following year, my first husband filed for divorce, and one of my dogs, whom I rescued on the street, died. Then, I had to foreclose my condo when I lost money on the divorce.

I was grieving and so much stress, but not knowing I was. I started to lose my health and got ovarian cancer.

 

When my beloved dog’s daughter, who was my service dog, Kula, passed away, 

Eric (my current husband) and I tried to save our restaurant Seed Kitchen, but the landlord and realtor did not help us at all. We lost the lease, and the realtor sued us. We had to close the restaurant after Kula died.

Eric and I argued so much about the restaurant those days. I was focusing on accommodating the restaurant customers, employees, my students and clients.

I had no time for proper grieving till and for resting much. All I was doing was repairing our damage after closing the restaurant. Six months later, I got stage IV lymphoma.

 

The CSC facilitator asked me, “How do you not get sick/cancer from this grief?”

It is a good point for me to think and address the issues. Healthy grieving is facing the pain and dealing with it. It is work and no shortcut.

How do I do that?

I checked the blog I wrote about grieving in 2016 when Kula passed.

https://sanaesuzuki.com/2017/02/01/grief/

I was not aware of grief till much later since I was taking care of the restaurant we had at that time, and we lost it, so it was more than just losing Kula.

It took time to see that I was grieving over losing our restaurant, which had been one of our dreams.

Another was rebuilding my relationship with Eric after it got ripped off because of the stress of keeping and closing the restaurant.

 

We all have weak links in ourselves.

I realized my weakest link, which was when I lost someone, something that it meant to me and I could not accept, which led to grief, drained my immune system, and l lost my health. 

This time, I admit that I am going through grieving as soon as Happy departure.

I am releasing my grief by connecting with “＊Pet Loss Support Group” and starting to work on my healing journals.

＊Pet Loss Support Group

https://www.lapoflove.com/our-services/pet-loss-support

 

I face the weakest point and need to change it to my strength.

Cry when I need to.

Work on guilt, regret, blame, fear, anger, and connection to forgive, especially me. 

Softening the pain – talking to people who can support and respect my feelings and tell me the right words.

Writing is one of my tools to heal myself, so I want to write about how I give myself “Self-Care.” 

Continue daily walking with the dog family, art, and gardening, being nature as usual.

Herbal tea and Bach flower remedies for sadness/grieving, moxibustion, reiki, massage, and herbal aroma baths, etc.
I take care of myself with a lot of “self-care.”

 

I planted Grevillea Superb (it has orange color flowers since orange was Happy’s color) bush tree (Happy loved a bush plant) in the front side garden with Eric.

 

I haven’t been able to communicate much with Happy since she passed away, but I heard her voice while I was planting Grevillea Superb. 

“Mommy, what a beautiful flowers for me. I love the orange color!”

“I am happy that you decided that no surgery proceed and took me home from the cardiologist so I could go to heaven from the home where I was born.

Happy leaving the cardiologist’s office without surgery

 

I know you wished we had a little more time after we returned from the cardiologist, and me too. But my heart was not strong enough to live anymore.”

“I thank you so much for all you did; 

I was the happiest dog since you were my everything and are the one I lived for.

I learned to spread joy and love because you gave me joy and love every day. “

“You taught me how to help heal other people.”

“I hope you continue to take care of your health and live a much longer life so I may return to be with you.”

“Right now, I am also shocked that I had to leave. 

I know you are in shock and feeling guilty. 

But Mommy, you looked at my face when I left; I was not in pain, and I was a beautiful girl as you always told me.”

Happy’s face right after she depatured

 

“You and Daddy took care of me so well.”

“I thank you so much!”

“I will see you again, either there on the earth or in heaven for sure, until we see each other again next time.”  

“By the way, I am using my dog mom, Lumi’s body, to visit you, which you may have already noticed.”

“I heard you said, 「Lumi is getting up without our help and following everywhere I go, just like Happy.” (Lumi has arthritis and has not been able to get up on her own much) 

“Lumi is sleeping soundless without snoring like Happy” (Lumi snored so much all the time while she is sleeping)) and “Lumi is drooling just like Happy when she wants something to eat and waiting.” (Lumi never drooled)

That’s right, Mommy, I am there with you in my dog Mom Lumi’s body.

Now you know how much I want to be there with you!”

” Thank you for cookies, clean water (Happy liked only clean water), candles, incense, and beautiful flower bouquets!

I am so blessed and loved because I am your girl forever!”

 

I looked up at the sky and hugged her spirit!
And told her,
“Happy- Arigatou!
You did a great job giving me and everyone joy, love, and happiness
I am so happy you came into my life.
Thank you for always being by my side!
I’m looking forward to seeing you again.”

I am so grateful that Happy communicated with me.

When I am ready, I want to write a tribute to Happy’s life: her story with photos. Set up a memorial in Happy’s honor.

Today is Happy’s first 7th day (*Shonanoka), so I would like to hold a memorial service for her in my own way.

*Shonanoka

Shonanona is a Buddhist service held on the seventh day after death. This is when the deceased crosses the River Styx (4000km – 2485.485 miles wide)  after she passes 3200km/1988.388mile long steep mountain.  Depending on her behavior during life, the stream of the river will change. So, the deceased’s family gather and honor her, sharing good memories and thoughts so that she will receive a gentle stream.

I post it on my blog 

https://sanaesuzuki.com/2016/08/09/kula-golden-retriever-life-with-her-cancer-part-4/

My gratitude to Happy with all my heart!

Love,

Sanae ❤️

How I Care for Myself When I Got Sick with “Covid”

by in Blog, Covid, Healing, Sanae's Story 2881♥ 1 Like

Covid came to the world over two years ago, and many people’s guard has been down.

I was cautious with my health since I was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin’s large B-cell lymphoma stage IV and received aggressive chemotherapy “Epoch,” which calls red devil. 

Because of Covid, I saw limited people, did not go many places, and only offered classes online and outdoors.

But I got Covid three weeks ago. 

I had a high fever, headache, dizziness, cough, and nausea.

The fever took about ten days, but I was too weak for another ten days.

Finally, I am getting better now.

Blood cancer directly affects making antibodies. I had low antibodies to fight Covid because I had lymphoma, one of the blood cancers.

Also, I received aggressive chemotherapy “Epoch,” I have been getting blood tests resulting in low red and white blood cells and low platelets, which has not been issued in everyday life, but not fighting Covid.  

I received chemotherapy because I realized holistic medicine and macrobiotic approaches could not stop growing cancer quickly enough. I received Epoch Chemotherapy because the cancer was advanced.

I post some blogs during my treatments. Here is one.

One year after I received the chemotherapy, I got in remission and had been able to live my life comfortably.

The following year will be the five-year mark which is a big goal.

My oncologist Dr. Mead told me that my blood tests showed minor issues: low platelets etc., which have been a little low after Epoch chemotherapy, and she also said it is not an issue for me to worry, so rest when I am tired and keep up what I have been doing to nurture myself. 

Dr. Mead does not understand macrobiotics or holistic medicine and modalities, but she has always been supportive and never judged what I practice.

I consult with her if there is concern about what I am doing with my diet, medicinal herbs, or supplements.

I heard that blood cancer, like lymphoma, has no or low antibodies to fight Covid even after vaccinations.

I was extra careful, but unfortunately, my husband got Covid at work on September 3rd, and I got it on September 5th. 

He had a fever, nasal mucus, stuffed nose, sore throat, joint pain, and cough, but it improved after five days. I had a fever for about ten days, a cough, headache, dizziness, nausea, fatigue and joint pain. I could not eat much for two weeks, so I lost weight and became too weak. I could not even speak much, could not write and read.

Even watching TV/Movies were not fun because of headache.

Usually, when I get sick, I write, but I could not even write till now.

The three weeks had been so challenging, discouraging, and lonely.

It was time for me to be my best friend once again.

I acknowledge my feeling sucked, down, discouraged, frustrated, setback, and disappointed. 

I noticed that I wanted to blame someone or something. 

I was so careful and did not see many people for a long time. 

I did not like myself and anybody.

Only what helped me was my cats and dogs, who just lay next to me. They were quiet and looked at me. “Mommy, just rest; we are here with you till you get better!”

When my fever went down after ten days, I could go to the outside garden to see how my trees, plants, and flowers were doing. 

They were happy to see me and told me they had been waiting for me. 

I planted some of the trees 37 years ago when I moved here. 

They looked strong, smiled at me, and said, ” We are here for you like you are here for us!”

I remember when I came back to life after three days of coma when I had a near-death car crash, the first thing I wanted to see was the sky, sun, and trees/plants.

There is power great than me is there with nature.

I appreciate my husband, Eric, for caring about me when I get sick, but this time he got Covid too.

His fever went down for five days, but he did not feel better for at least seven days.

I did my best to care for him for the first two days very carefully before I got sick. But I think I was already exposed to Covid before his symptoms came out.

I found out later he was not wearing his mask at work; I was shocked and upset with him, but I could not tell him. 

I was too fatigue to speak. I also did not know what/how to tell him. I know he did not mean to get Covid and gave it to me.

I kept that feeling for two weeks and contacted my therapist. It was good to tell how I was feeling to someone. I also shared my feeling with Cancer Support Community meeting on Zoom.

I was able to share my feeling with my husband. He promised to wear his mask at work no matter what, and now he is also taking a shower when he comes home.

After communicating with my husband, my negative feelings are lifted. I felt much better and could eat more, and I started noticing that I was recovering from Covid.

Today was the first day I felt so much better and had almost no headache, so here I am writing. 

Writing always helps me sort out my feelings and release/detox unwanted emotions during a crisis. 

I went to my garden and saw birds (doves, hummingbirds, and many little birds), butterflies, caterpillars, spiders, grasshoppers, squirrels, and ants. 

 

I am grateful for recovering from Covid, another health challenge, and for writing my blog.

Here is the list of how I care myself:

  1. Rest, rest, and sleep
  2. Cuddle dogs/cats family and communicate with them 
  3. Miso scallion remedy and Daikon ginger for fever
  4. Tofu plaster and Cabbage leaves for forehead to reduce fever
  5. Loquat leaves body scrub and cool towel compress
  6. Lotus root tea for cough
  7. Echinacea tea
  8. Lemon, ginger, turmeric, and sea salt remedy
  9. Elderberry tea
  10. Mullen, Mashmallow, Astragalus, and Nettle tea
  11. Foot bath, massage my feet and hands
  12. Homeopathic medicine
  13. Acknowledge my feelings, especially not to denial of my negative emotions: sad, lonely, fear of not getting better, overwhelmed, and anger
  14. Bach Flower remedies
  15. No socialization to talk to most of people ( I was too fatigued to speak)
  16. Meditation (mostly laying down)
  17. Be a best friend to me
  18. Laydown outside to receive a little Sun Vitamin D
  19. Talk to my therapist
  20. Share at self-support group (Cancer Support Community)
  21. Let my husband know my feelings
  22. I did not have an appetite, so I ate comfort foods(rice cream with nori tsukudani condiment, pancakes,  melon, berries, steamed cake etc.)
  23. Contact my doctor and took blood tests
  24. Took supplements of Chlorophyll, Vitamin C, D, and Standard Process of Echinacea Premium, Epimune Complex, and Andrographis Complex
  25. Stay in my garden to connect with nature
  26. Walk outside little bit with dogs when I felt I could walk 

Love,

Sanae ❤️