My beloved dog daughter, Lumi (Luminaire Oro Suzuki), left to cross the Rainbow Bridge on May 18th, 2025 at 9:45 am.
She was a 15 and a half year-old golden retriever.
– miracle kind heart, an excitable girl who lived her life to the fullest and taught us so much love and courage!
I wrote about her before: two of my blogs were dedicated to her.
She had a heart episode on December 6th at 3:09 pm.
I thought she had to leave at that time, but she made it.
It took her three hours to start breathing normally and regain her strength, but she was unable to go on her favorite walk outside after this episode. But she did not complain. She was happy everyday what she could do.
We took her to the beach on Christmas day. She enjoyed a slow walk on the beach.
She had her 15th birthday on January 19th and enjoyed visiting our neighbor friends’ house for her birthday with a blueberry pancake as her birthday cake. She knew she lived a longer life this time.
Then, she had lung issues around February 23rd, so she was taking it easy and spent most of the day with Manakani (the one-year-old girl who came after Lumi’s daughter, Happy, passed). She ate well and slept a lot.
Lumi was very neat and tidy, so she wanted to go through her morning routine, and when she couldn’t turn over on her own, she would bark to let us know and turn to the other side or get up and go outside to go outside to pee or poo on her own.
After that, she waited to receive a massage with warm loquat leaves-infused water, and baking soda with sea salt tooth paste I made for teeth cleaning.
Then, I gave her herbal and homeopathic medicine, along with her remedy, which was usually her favorite lotus cream, then a homemade breakfast (from the Healthy Happy Pooch book recipe). I also applied her homemade tofu and loquat poultices to her front elbow, which was swelling due to arthritis.
After the morning routine, she wanted to go to the deck in the back of the house where there was shade. She loved the outdoor bed, which was a cooling, elevated, breathable bed. She stayed there, watching the sky and the movement of the trees, squirrels, possums, and birds. She could smell and hear everything, and she would bark now and then when she got excited. She tried to get up to turn over in her sleep and adjust her position. She was a brave and independent girl until the end.
I have sent 18 animal family members (13 dogs and 5 cats) to Rainbow Bridge in my lifetime in America (I had three more dogs when I was in Japan).
Does it get easier?
NO!
Once again, I am grieving.
It comes like waves of the ocean.
Sometimes, it’s a very soft wave, but sometimes, it’s a tough, intense wave that I can’t swim in, and I feel like drowning.
I feel the waves’ pressure push me down, and I am not able to come up to the surface. I feel like I can’t breathe! Everything is dark before my eyes.
Lumi took her last breath after I left home to teach the Sashiko workshop at 9 am on May 18th.
About five minutes before the workshop started, Eric called and told me that Lumi had left.
Eric said he was holding her and laid down next to her after I left home to teach. He was feeling her heartbeat since he had his hand under her heart. One moment, he felt there was no heartbeat of Lumi, so he looked at her closely.
He said with his tears, “Lumi took two deep breaths, and she left peacefully in my arms.”
I knew this moment would come someday, but I was so sad I couldn’t stand up, and I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to hide somewhere, so I went to the bathroom first to calm myself down, and somehow, I managed to finish teaching the workshop, but I don’t remember much about what happened after that.
Before I left home, I told Lumi that if she had to go, she didn’t have to wait for me. Because I felt like she couldn’t leave while I was with her, I will miss her. However, we spent a lot of time together, and I can live with her memories and her family. I have to live my life to the fullest, just like Lumi.
As I wrote on my blog “Lumi, the Golden Retriever Reincarnation.“
Lumi came back to me four times to be with me in my lifetime.
The previous three times she returned, she died in car accidents at a young age (4 months, 1 year old, and 4 years old), so when she returned this time, she wanted to make sure that she lived a long and fulfilling life.
So, I vowed to help Lumi live a long and healthy life as a dog.
And this time, Lumi lived a long life and fulfilled her wish!
Lumi was a miracle girl who lived her life to the fullest and showed me how to be herself, how to take it easy with her so much love, and how to be amazing every day!
She was born at our house in Santa Monica as the last puppy of Oro, who was my first service dog, Kin’s daughter. I still remember that moment as it was yesterday.
Lumi was not breathing when she was born, so Oro kept licking her. I gave her CPR, and she got her first breath.
She was a miracle girl.
She had a strong mind, and despite having a more petite body – she was only 35 lbs when she grew up (the average golden retriever is 60~70 lbs).
I raised Lumi macrobiotic vegan foods (Healthy Happy Pooch) with her brother, Bubu and their mother Oro. And Lumi daughter, Happy joined.
Lumi was a foodie girl. She ate everything I gave her.
Her favorite vegetables were raw broccoli (especially when she chewed thin slices of the stems), cauliflower, and carrots, which she enjoyed as a crunchy snack. She also loved cooked pinto beans, azuki beans, tempeh, kabocha squash, Japanese sweet potatoes, and pizza crust.
We usually separate our dogs into two different teams to walk. We had to take her with the first team; otherwise, she would have baked so much. She was excitable girl! Once she went to walk, she was satisfied and stayed on the back deck.
Lumi was the best mother to her daugher “Happy”. Lumi was also good sister to Bubu.
She was always there for me, so I was there for her, even though she was originally Eric’s girl, just like her previous life as “Dore.”
We did many things, including bicycle rides, hiking, swimming, and stand-up paddleboarding (SUP).
Especially since she got older and could not walk well because of her arthritis, I was with her as much as I could. She followed me everywhere I went in the house. When I moved to a different room, for example, from the living room to the work desk room, she got up and came to be with me. If she couldn’t, she barked and asked me to help her get up. Once she got up, she strolled to the room where I was. And she fell asleep with a big snore.
I can see and hear her even now beside my work desk right now as I am writing this.
Oh, Lumi… I miss you so much!!!
After she departed, I had to work the whole week since one of my clients was in the hospital, and I had to teach Sashiko workshops; I could not make time to grieve her loss for one week.
It was such a heartbroken time.
I felt numb and lacked motivation.
I wanted to deny Lumi’s passing, and I wanted d to feel that Lumi was still with me.
I wanted to avoid doing anything in memory of Lumi, but having lived with her for so many years, I was doing it for her for a long time.
I usually write to help release my emotions when I’m having a challenging time.
But I could not write about Luim for two weeks, so I wrote about “Joy of Teaching Sashiko” and posted it on my blog. I wrote it to distract myself from thinking about Lumi.
There was something I felt in my gut. I had to breathe deeply to move it out of my body, but no matter how many times I took deep breaths, it felt like something was stuck.
Sigh, sigh, and more sigh…
The morning has been very challenging for me since I was giving her a massage, applying a loquat compress, preparing a remedy drink, brushing her teeth, cleaning her fur, and feeding her homemade food (from Healthy Happy Pooch book recipes)and remedies.
Now, I wake up and feel like I have lost my purpose.
No ikigai!
I finally got a few days off after 10 days Lumi passed, so I was slowly dipping into down-sad feelings.
I heard Lumi-chan’s voice when I woke up that morning.
Time passes without me getting anything done.
The first day I have a full day to myself.
I wanted to feel Lumi and miss her.
I was just staring at something, but nothing.
I glanced my eyes down to where Lumi was spending her time the whole year during the day.
She had four different beds.
Nobody wants to use them since she left.
Makani, who spent most of her time every day with Lumi, is grieving so much, too.
Additionally, the families of other dogs and even cats are all missing Lumi.
She was a leader of the family, and everyone respected her.
In the last few days of her life, everybody gave her space.
I am very lucky to have had many dog and cat families in my life.
Currently, I have four dogs and two cats as my family.
Is it less grieving because I still have some animal family?
I am not sure, but the remaining animal family nurtures me.
Whenever I cry, they all come over to me, one by one, and lick my cheeks or give me hugs, and some even cry with me in sad voices.
So, thanks to these kids, even when I feel down, I think I can somehow crawl out of the hole of sadness again.
What I know is each animal family member has touched a different part of my heart and helped me become a better person.
They are all so precious to me.
I have no idea how I could live so peacefully and happily without them.
I have written about grieving subjects on my other blog a few times previously.
Here is another one outlining three + levels.
1. Challenge:
- This stage involves confronting the reality of loss and the difficult emotions that arise, such as sadness, anger, confusion, and even guilt. It’s a period of emotional and mental struggle as individuals try to accept the loss and its implications.
- Acknowledge and Allow Your Emotions:
- Don’t suppress your feelings: Grief is a natural response, and it’s okay to feel sad, angry, confused, or numb.
I am not suppressing, but I do not know how to feel even it is not the first time I have grieved. It is always different, like the cloud of sky coming to me. I somehow do not want to get wet in a downpour of rain.
- Be patient with yourself: Healing takes time, and there will be good and bad days.
The patient is the key to my life – but my feelings are up and down so much, and I can’t grasp when I am grieving.
It changes like waves of the ocean.
- Cry when you need to: Crying is a healthy way to release emotions.
Sometimes, I need to watch sad movies to help release my sad feelings with tears.
2. Change:
- Grief brings about significant changes in how individuals experience life, perceive the world, and interact with others. This shift can feel disorienting or isolating as life, as they once knew it, no longer exists in the same way.
Everyone experiences grief in life and learns to move forward to feel happy again with self-love.
It is most challenging for me to take care of my feelings.
- Take care of your physical health: Exercise, eat healthy food, and get enough sleep.
This one is not easy for me when I’m sad, but I do my best to practice self-care: I do a body scrub after brushing my teeth, eat miso soup for breakfast, and sleep as much as I can.
- Establish a routine: Try to maintain a regular schedule for waking, sleeping, and meals.
A regular schedule is beneficial because other animal families that remain need to have it.
- Limit alcohol and other unhealthy habits: These can worsen your grief.
For me, I need to pay attention to not overeating or not eating enough.
- Engage in activities you enjoy: Participate in hobbies, social events, or other activities that bring you joy.
I am grateful to do Sashiko embroidery and hand sewing. I am currently making my first hand-sewn dress.
3. Connection:
- This stage emphasizes the importance of maintaining and building relationships with others. It encourages individuals to connect with loved ones, seek support, and remember the shared memories they have with the person they lost.
- Seek Social Support:
- Talk to trusted friends and family: Sharing your feelings can provide comfort and support.
I telephoned one friend from the beach on the day Lumi passed.
- Connect with others who are grieving: Grief support groups can provide a sense of community.
Not this time, but there were times when I attended a grief support group meeting. There is a good online Grief support group for animal companions.
- Consider professional help: If you’re struggling to cope, a therapist or counselor can provide guidance.
I am ready to share my feelings with my therapist soon.
Plus:
- Remember the person/animal family you lost: Allow yourself to think about happy memories and acknowledge the bond you shared.
After I get up, I light a candle, burn incense, change the water, and offer new food (I also change the flower if it needs to be changed) for the altar.
- Forgive yourself: Don’t beat yourself up for not being able to do everything.
I do not need to blame myself more than I did because, in my heart, I did my best.
- Don’t compare your grief to others: Everyone grieves on their own terms and in different ways.
In my case, I need to be alone to face my true feelings at first, but some people need to go out and socialize. Some people, like Eric, go to the ocean and surf to heal themselves.
- Consider writing down your thoughts and feelings: This can help you process your emotions.
Writing always helps me, like I am doing now.
- Stay active: Try to do something outdoors each day and walk wherever you can.
I go for a walk with my dogs every morning. Going to the beach or lakes every weekend.
- Visit your doctor: Grief can be stressful, so it’s essential to inform your doctor about your situation.
I had experience that grief can lower the immune system. When I had cancer in 1993 – after my father passed and my divorce from my first husband. I did not even know I was grieving. When I had second cancer in 2017 – My beloved dog, Kula, passed, and Eric and I lost our restaurant. It was another major grieving, but I was putting my chin up and trying not to be drawn.
I am still in #1 and entering #2, but as I write this blog, I may be touching on #3, so I am posting what I have written so far.
I need to keep writing here.
I had written briefly about the Buddhist memorial service tradition before when other animal families passed.
I want to write more details this time about what I do for them.
I am not a mindful Buddhist, and neither was my family in Japan, so I provide these services casually at home for my animal family. Please understand they may differ from traditional services. The information below is for the human memorial services that I adapted to offer for my animal family.
First, what is the purpose of the Buddhist memorial services?
In Japan, when I was a child, I remember being scolded and told that if I lied, “King Enma will pull out your tongue and send you to hell”?
In Buddhism, when a person dies, they say goodbye to this world and travel to a place called “Chuin.”
Chuin is a world where trials are held to determine the destiny of the deceased in the afterlife. This journey lasts 49 days and is known as the “Journey to the Underworld.” Every seven days, the deceased is judged by the kings of the underworld dynasty for the crimes they committed in life.
On the day of the trial in the interment period, people close to the deceased gather in this world to hold a memorial service. They pray to the Buddha, creating a bond that enables the deceased to reach paradise safely and find happiness. The first day of this process is the “first seventh- day”(初七日-Shonanoka) memorial service.
The first 7th day is the start of the journey to the underworld. The journey to the forty-ninth day
The first seventh-day memorial service is customarily held on the seventh day, starting from the day of the deceased’s death. After that, seven memorial services are held until the forty-ninth day (the seventh 7th day), which are called Chuin Kuyo or Otaiya/Otan-ya.
I usually light a candle and burn incense, accompanied by the sound of an iron (Japanese Buddhist bell). Also, offering water, food that he or she liked in life, and flowers.
The first 7th day (Shonano-ka 初七日)
On the first seventh day (Shonanoko-7th day), the deceased walks up a very steep mountain. It is said that they progress by eating incense during this time, so incense is burned in this world for this reason. At the end of the journey is the first judge, King Hata Hiro.
In this world, we pray to Acala, who has a fearsome face and warns us against the worldly desires of humans for good judgment.
We went to the beach to pray and told Lumi how much we thank her for her life here with us.
The second 7th day (Futannoka 14th days)
As soon as they cross the mountain, they come to the Sanzu River, where those whose crimes are light cross on a bridge, while others must cross in shallow water or through muddy water, depending on the severity of their crime. The fare to cross is six-mon yen (about 200~300 yen now), so they place a six-mon money coin in their coffin.
Once they have crossed the river, they are judged by Hatsue-no-O to see if they have committed any acts of murder, but in this world, they seek salvation from Shaka Nyorai, who will grant the prayers of anyone.
I know my animal family is all able to cross over the rainbow bridge without problems.
The third 7th day (Minanoka 21st day)
The third trial is when the Song Emperor uses a cat and a snake to punish those guilty of infidelity. The Buddha to whom people in this world pray is Manjusri Bodhisattva.
Manjusri Bodhisattva, known as the proverb “three heads together make Manjusri’s wisdom,” grants the wisdom to go to the Pure Land.
The fourth 7th day (Yonnanoka 28th day)
Next, you will meet the Gokan-o. Here, there is a scale that weighs the amount of bad words and actions that the deceased committed during their lifetime, and the deceased is placed on it.
Samantabhadra Bodhisattva, riding on a white elephant, is full of mercy and will lead you to the world of enlightenment with his many merits.
The fifth 7 days (Itsunanoka 35 days）
On this day, the famous King Enma awaits. He uses a mirror made of crystal to reflect the evil deeds of the deceased and has a demon pull out the tongues of anyone who lies.
King Enma then decides where the deceased will be reborn. In this life, we pray to Jizo Bodhisattva, but the Jizo that is closest to us is a Buddha who saves us from the suffering of hell.
The sixth 7 days (Munanoka 42 days)
In the 6th trial, the judgment is made by the King of Transformation based on the reports of King Gokan, who used the scales, and King Enma, who used the mirror. The conditions and place for rebirth are also decided in detail.
Maitreya Bodhisattva is said to be the successor of Shakyamuni. It is the Buddha who will save us in the distant future. He teaches us how to help others attain enlightenment, not just ourselves.
The seventh 7 days (Shichinanoka 49th day)
This day, which is the 49th day after the death, is an important day for memorial services.
It is the day when King Taishan hands down the final decision based on the results of the trials so far. Depending on that decision, the deceased leaves the intermediate world and sets off to be reborn in one of the following realms: the realm of heaven, the realm of humans, the realm of Ashura, the realm of animals, the realm of hungry ghosts, or the realm of hell. In this life, prayers are offered to Medicine Buddha for the best decision to be made.
We did 49thーDay memorial for Lumi’s aunt, Kula.
What is a 49th-day memorial service?
In Buddhism, the 49th-day memorial service is a significant ceremony to pray for the deceased’s soul to attain enlightenment peacefully. In Buddhism, the 49 days after a person’s death are called “Chuin” or “Shichishichinichi,” and memorial services are held at turning points every 7 days during this period. Starting from the 7th day, followed by the 27th and 37th days, the “49th-day memorial service” is held on the 49th day, which is the seventh 7 days, and prayers are offered for the soul to be led to the Pure Land.
49th-day memorial service for animal companions
Increasingly, families in Japan are holding 49th-day memorial services for their animal companions, following the tradition of funeral rites for humans. For owners who feel that their beloved dog is like a member of the family, carefully sending off the soul of the animal companion is an essential step in processing their grief.
49th-day memorial services are gaining attention as a ceremony that allows owners to express their feelings of “thank you” to their pets and their desire to see them off until the very end.
Kula, who was Lumi’s antie, used to go to our restaurant Seed Kitchen, so I offered a 49th-day memorial service for Kula and invited many friends.
I post about it on my blog.
Spend time mourning with family and friends.
It is also essential to hold the 49th-day memorial service with family and close friends. By sharing time together centered around your deceased animal family, such as talking about memories while looking at photos and videos of your beloved dog and playing your favorite music, you can heal your grief. Rather than carrying it alone, mourning together will ease the burden on your heart and give you the strength to look forward.
I only mentioned the Lumi departure to a few friends so far.
Texting is not my favorite way to communicate, so I called.
Most people were busy when I reached out, which I understand.
When I spoke to some friends, I couldn’t bring myself to share the news about Lumi’s passing.
It was not the right time for me to share my feelings yet.
I felt so physically tied, so I received a Shiatsu massage, which definitely helped.
Going to the beach with Lumi’s dog’s family also helped alleviate their state of grief.
Gardening and planting some plants and herbs to remember Lumi.
It has been very healing to write as usual to process my emotions and post my blog, even though it took me more than two weeks to do so. But looking at Lumi’s photos was very hard, even though they were all good memories. I wanted Lumi to be here physically.
I want to see her smile and touch her again.
I asked Eric to make cherry pancakes since Lumi loved cherries every season.
I want to celebrate Lumi’s life when the time is right. Hopefully for 49th day (the seventh 7 day).
“Lumi-chan, you are a really amazing girl; you did your best and lived the fullest!”
“I am so proud of you!”
“Thank you so much to you from the bottom of all my heart!!”
Love,
Sanae❤️
P.S. After I wrote this blog, Lumi’s ash came home.
I received her clipped fur, whisker, nose, paw prints, and teeth. I feel much calmer, yet with a more profound sense of sadness. I cried so much loudly.
After I cired, I felt that Lumi is with me even more than ever, and she told me, “Thank you, Mommy, for everything you did for me!” “I love you so much! I am here with you no matter what, forever!”
