When I was a child (around elementary school), I never thought about knowing anything about myself.
So I just believed what the adults – my parents, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, my school teachers – said about me, and I didn’t realize what I was feeling.
I was not good at creating things quickly, writing quickly, or implementing them immediately. The adults around me called me “NOROMA”（it means SLOW) because I started everything leisurely and couldn’t finish it on time. “Noroma” also means “not attentive” in Japanese, which didn’t sound positive. Therefore, I believed that I was not good at creating or implementing something.
As a result, I can’t count the number of times I’ve given up on creating something or stopped before it was completed.
I learned crochet and embroidery in elementary school between 9 and 12 years old.
However, I could hardly complete any projects at school.
First, think about what to make, what color to use, and what kind of thread to use.
By the time I finally decided to start, everyone else had already finished about half of it. That’s why I was so behind that I couldn’t complete it at all in the classroom.
I could have finished it at home, but I didn’t.
Why?
That’s because my parents’ home didn’t have an atmosphere of art or crafts at all. I’ve tried making something at home a few times, but when I did, they would say, “You’re making a lot of trouble. You can’t finish it.” Or, “Why did you take so long to make it?” so I didn’t want to do anything at home.
Of course, I did not know if I could make it or not, but I wanted to try with my best ability. However, I felt that my family did not support me, so I did not want to do anything at home.
But that didn’t mean I completely lost my passion for creating things. It took me many years, but I started to do some simple knitting, do pottery, do stained glass, and do a little gardening.
When I started studying macrobiotics after I got ovarian cancer, I realized that I could take the time to cook according to the five seasons, and I thought I could do this. Carefully wash whole grains, brown rice, etc. and cook them slowly over time in a ceramic or stainless steel pot instead of an electric kettle. It was perfect for me, as I gently washed vegetables, cut them with care, and cooked them. I enjoyed studying and learning a lot.
I like weaving, knitting, crocheting, and sashiko projects, as well as calligraphy, wood carving, natural dyeing (using organic indigo, herbs, and flowers), natural ink making, mosaics, stained glass, woodblock prints, making miso, Japanese umeboshi plums, grow organic plants and more.
I started enjoying my favorite things in my spare time from work, such as watercolor painting and growing my favorite medicinal herbs in my garden after I recovered from ovarian cancer.
As I got older and started to enjoy a slower life, I’ve started working in between doing my favorite things, which is the opposite of what I used to do.
By doing something I like even a little bit every day, I realized that since I was a child, I actually like things that take time to make. I found myself enjoying taking my time and being careful, and carefree about my time.
I found that I felt most comfortable going slowly.
I do not mind being careful “NOROMA”.
I’ve joined Wildfiber Studio‘s sweater club about seven years ago. Slowly over the past five years, have learned and perfected how to knit and crochet many sweaters and cardigans.
One of the sweater patterns was the color of sunlight. I really wanted to make it, but I was taking chemotherapy at the time the sweater club was offering it, so I could not.
I thought about making the sweater often and finally made it five years later. Considering the amount of time it took, the slow process made me feel extremely happy when it was completed.
I have learned to value the sweaters, etc. that I take the time to make myself, and I’m happy every time I wear/use them.
This spring, I attended a botanical embroidery workshop at Tatter (a non-profit textile library in Brooklyn, New York, offering textile classes and events to tell human stories and foster understanding). The teacher is Arounna, who was born in Laos and now works in Toronto, Canada. I participated in this workshop because I liked the idea of embroidering using thread dyed with plants.
I was inspired by the very gentle colors dyed with plants. But I didn’t know that I had to learn 22 different stitches, and I had never done most of them before since my last embroidery when I was only 12 years old.
The guideline was to be completed within a month, but it took me over three months.
I’m grateful to myself that I was able to slowly complete it to my satisfaction by concentrating as much as possible. I’m happy I was able to finish it without giving up.
I liked the way each needle was inserted slowly, and I took a breath slowly, making me feel like I was concentrating on each breath and meditating.
I vow to remember the proverb, “Those who go slow will go far,” and to complete future projects slowly and without rushing.
I am also not writing much on this blog, but being able to write when I can is what brings me joy.
I appreciate you reading my life.
Love,
Sanae ❤️